Pinocchio, Snow White, and Superman are out for a stroll in town one day.
As they walk, they come across a sign:
“Beauty contest for the most beautiful woman in the world.”
“I am entering!” said Snow White.
After half an hour she comes out and they ask her, “Well, how’ d you do?”
“First Place!,” said Snow White.
They continue walking and they see a sign:
“Contest for the strongest man in the world.”
“I’m entering,” says Superman.
After half an hour, he returns and they ask him, “How did you make out?”
“First Place,” answers Superman. “Did you ever doubt?”
They continue walking when they see a sign:
“Contest! Who is the greatest liar in the world?”
“I’m entering,” says Pinocchio.
After half an hour he returns with tears in his eyes.
“What happened?” they asked.
“Who the hell is Nancy Pelosi? “ asked Pinocchio.
It is pretty funny. We need some “funny stuff” these days.
A DEA agent, together with an ATF and a FBI agent, as part of a task force, arrive at a ranch in western Nebraska.
The agents tell the rancher, “We need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs.”
The old rancher says, “Okay, but don’t go in that field over there.”
The DEA agent explodes saying, “Mister, we have the authority of the Federal Government with us.”
Reaching into his rear pocket and removing his badge, the agent proudly displays it to the farmer.
“See this badge? This badge means we are allowed to go wherever we wish on any land. No questions asked nor answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?”
The old rancher nods politely and goes about his chores.
Later, the old rancher hears loud screams and spies the three agents running for their lives. Close behind is the rancher’s bull. With every step the bull is gaining ground on the agents. They are clearly terrified.
The old rancher immediately throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs:
“Your badges! Show him your badges!”
An excerpt requirement for email jokes? That is ridiculous. The joke might have been funny, but I’m not going to click out to another site just to find out.
You missed the punchline... :-)
An American, a Japanese and a Canadian were sitting naked in a sauna when suddenly there was a beeping sound. The American pressed his forearm, and the beep stopped. The others looked at him questioningly. “That was my pager he said. “I have a microchip under the skin of my arm.”
A few minutes later a phone rang. The Japanese fellow lifted his palm to his ear. When he finished he explained “That was my mobile phone, I have a microchip in my hand.”
The Canadian felt decidedly low-tech, but not to be outdone, he decided he had to do something just as impressive. He stepped out of the sauna and went to the toilet. He returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from his butt. The others raised their eyebrows and stared at him. The Canadian finally said “Well, will you look at that! I’m getting a fax.”
And there you have it... LOL...
Two drunks walked into a bar.
Wudda thought the second drunk would have seen it coming...
Guy walks into a bar with a frog on his head, orders a beer. The bartender looks at the frog and says, “What’s that?”. The frog says, “I don’t know, it all started with a wart on my a**!”.