Post some good jokes

[A_cool_guy]

I know some jokes, but I don't know any good political jokes!! Could everyone post some good jokes here?

Thanks,

A_cool_guy

[Freedom2specul8]

Thank you for the stress relief!!!! :-D

[DJ MacWoW]

While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign...

Energy efficient vehicle. Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust.

[NicknamedBob]

Okay, I’ll give you my favorite joke. Please be respectful.

An elderly man and his wife went to a movie. As they exited the theater, they happened upon one of their neighbors and told him that the movie had been excellent.

The neighbor asked for the name of the movie.

The elderly man looked puzzled. “You’ll have to excuse me, I’ve been having a bit of trouble with my memory lately. What’s the name of the flower that people have in their gardens that also has thorns?”

The neighbor responded, “You mean, a rose?”

“Yes, yes, that’s it! Thanks!” Turning to his wife, he asks, “Rose, what was the name of that movie?”

[Monkey Face]

LOL!

[smug]

20. Two skeletons were hanging in a closet. One says, “How did we get here”. “I don't know”, said the other one,” but if we had any guts we'd get out”.

[DJ MacWoW]

It’s cute if you don’t have a memory problem. lol

[Monkey Face]

*groan*

[DJ MacWoW]

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring-water.

When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of the curtain rods.

She then cleaned up the kitchen and left. When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days.

Then slowly, the house began to smell.

They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out.

Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned.

Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days. And in the end, they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked.

People stopped coming over to visit.

Repairmen refused to work in the house.

The maid quit.

Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.

A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house.

Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls.

Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going.

He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day.

She agreed, and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.

A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home . . .

And to spite the ex-wife, they even took the curtain rods!!!!!!

I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON’T YOU?

[Monkey Face]

*snort*
I love that joke!

[Tax-chick]

Jury consultant.

[DJ MacWoW]

Yup! It never gets old. LOL

[Tax-chick]

LOL!

[Monkey Face]

Not that one, for sure!

[Lady Jag]

Amish Virus

Message:

You have just received the Amish virus. Because we don't have any computers, or programming experience, this virus works on the honor system.

Please delete all the files from your hard drive and manually forward this virus to everyone on your mailing list.

Thank you for your cooperation.
The Amish Computer Engineering Department

[Lady Jag]

Three old men are at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor says to the first old man, "What is three times three?"

"274" was his reply.

The doctor says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?"

"Tuesday" replies the second man.

The doctor says to the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three"?

"Nine" says the third man.

"That's great!" says the doctor. "How did you get that"?

"Simple," says the third man. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday"

[MHGinTN]

:: GROAN ::

[DJ MacWoW]

Um...........lol

[sionnsar]

I have a character who can read minds. What good does it do him? How can he make an honest living?

Pollster.

[sionnsar]

"Simple," says the third man. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday"

I'll bet he'd have had a fuss if he tried that with Wednesday.

[MHGinTN]

That’s how you get 12.