Post some good jokes

[A_cool_guy]

I know some jokes, but I don't know any good political jokes!! Could everyone post some good jokes here?

Thanks,

A_cool_guy

[sionnsar]

Brain is not fully engaged today. But whatever had me under the weather seems to be gone now. I hope it's not flu, because if it is I'll be really sick about this time tomorrow. And I don't want to let my audience down -- they could probably use the sleep.

Howes bayou?

[sionnsar]

Taxi rates to downtown roundtrip are nearly as high as the rental, but I’ll be in Lakewood further west. A taxi would be a wash or worse.

[sionnsar]

Where in Denver is your nephew?

[Monkey Face]

I have no clue. All I know for sure is that he designs webpages. At least, the last I heard. His mom could tell you more. I’ll see what I can find out.

[airborne]

CHURCH BELLS

I will never hear church bells ringing again without smiling....

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed way, Katie went straight to her grandparent’s house to visit
her 95- year-old grandmother and comfort her.

When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, ‘He had a heart attack while we were making
love on Sunday morning. ‘

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that two people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

‘Oh no, my dear,’ replied Granny. ‘Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured the best time to do it was
when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm, nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous,
simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong.’

She paused to wipe away a tear and continued, ‘He’d still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn’t come along.’

[sionnsar]

LOL!

[Monkey Face]

http://www.humblegurus.com/

Here ya go!
(For what it’s worth!)

[Monkey Face]

LOL!

I needed that!

[sionnsar]

Very nice, though strictly between the two of us it hit a pet peeve -- I don't like sites that automatically assume they can use my speakers. OTOH, the opening clip sounded Indian (no, not roulette tables) and I'd wished it had gone on. *\;-)

The page source looks interesting too. Part autogenerated and part looks like it was tweaked by hand. (I do our church website entirely by hand.)

[Monkey Face]

I have no clue what it sounds like, since I don’t know (any more) what he does. The last time I spent any time with him, he was in Ft. Huachuca, AZ.

But I know he KNOWS computers.

[shibumi]

Two atoms are walking down the street.

Along comes a stray particle and knocks one of them down.

His buddy helps him up and says “Are you alright?”

The other answers “No, I think I lost an electron!”

- “Are you sure?”

- “YES! I’m positive.”

[sionnsar]

(If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.)

LOL!

How are you?

I have another fire in the woodstove for when LoM gets home. She's experiencing a bit of arthritis so she needs the place a bit warmer, but I figure it costs less to empty out the aging woodpile (which is going to be replenished shortly with the trees we need to have taken down) than to pay more for increased natural gas consumption.

[Monkey Face]

LOL!

Thanks for the joke! And welcome to April’s incarnation of the Undead Thread, (aka) the Flying Castle!

[sionnsar]

LOLOL!!!!!

[Monkey Face]

I’d love to help LoM enjoy her fire!

My barometer is losing its bottom. All I can do is take pills and wish the floor would accomodate my heated mattress pad!

[shibumi]

Since you liked that one, I’ll dig into my bag of existential tricks:

Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

A: It was dead.

[Monkey Face]

Oh. Ick.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Because that’s where the rooster was.

:o])

[yorkie]

There was a dance teacher who talked of a very old dance called the Politician. “All you have to do” she told her class “is take three steps forward, two steps backward, then side-step side-step and turn around.”

[sionnsar]

I’d love to help LoM enjoy her fire!

It may be just as well she's not home yet, because it's not going that well. The living room woodstove looks very nice and is relatively new (well, 11 years now) but it's Irish and very finicky. If you don't build the fire ...just... ...so... it gets cranky.

The family room woodstove is almost two decades older and not very pretty, but it was made by Kiwis and works like a charm every time.

[Monkey Face]

LOL!
Welcome to April’s Undead Thread!