Post some good jokes

[A_cool_guy]

I know some jokes, but I don't know any good political jokes!! Could everyone post some good jokes here?

Thanks,

A_cool_guy

[sionnsar]

1101?

[Darksheare]

EEK!
Binary!

[sionnsar]

No, actually, it’s hexadecimal.

[Tax-chick]

Are you allowed to say that in front of us?

[sionnsar]

Would you prefer I said it behind your back? *\;-)

[Tax-chick]

No, it sounds like a description of one’s very broad posterior.

I cleaned my closet!

[mamelukesabre]

I use sperry top siders for slippers. No joke.

[NicknamedBob]

"... FReeping too much past my bedtime."

Bedtime arrives when the FReeping runs dry.

Welcome aboard, G_W. We mostly get along here because if you "have to take it outside" around here, you have to be really good at holding your breath.

[sionnsar]

Okay... I don’t see that, but then all I see is 4096+256+0+1.

[callisto]

Bedtime arrives when the FReeping runs dry.

Or when I fall asleep at the computer. Oooh, that's happened way too many times this past year. I hope that's not old age trying to catch up. I'm way too young for that to happen.

you have to be really good at holding your breath.

I posted that as my solution to CO2 regulation by the EPA earlier today. "We should get all of the environuts and Congress to hold their breath for the next year to lower the CO2 levels?" LOL. Great premise if I can only figure out an effective imlementation.

[sionnsar]

You don’t have to worry about that. Effective implementations have long been known. The difficulty is in, um, well, never mind... *\;-)

[callisto]

There are only 10 types of people in the world —
those who understand binary, and those who don’t.

[sionnsar]

I hope that's not old age trying to catch up.

Old age doesn't "catch up." It just sits there waiting for you...

[Darksheare]

Hexadecimal, cursed decimals that wander the Earth.

[callisto]

Do you think if I just pi$$ them off they’ll behave like the children they are and storm off and hold their breath until I give in? Ah, wishful thinking.

[NicknamedBob]

"We should get all of the environuts and Congress to hold their breath for the next year to lower the CO2 levels?"

Me and my Redneck buddies know how to make that happen. Best not stir them up too much, though.

Currently I'm in favor of carbon sequestration the old-fashioned way, in dark amber bottles, with frequent sampling procedures to ensure that the sequestration is working properly.

[callisto]

That works for me!

[callisto]

If only DEAD people understand hexadecimal, how many people understand hexadecimal?
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57005

[GOYAKLA]

2+2=5 for extremely large values of two!!! :>)

[JZelle]

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Bob says to Mike behind him, 'My elbow hurts like the dickens!! I guess I'd better see a doctor.'

'Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money,' Mike replies.

'There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it.

It takes ten seconds and costs $10 - A lot cheaper than a doctor.'

So, Bob deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart.

He deposits $10, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.

10 seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: 'You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and Epsom salts found on aisle 2. Avoid heavy activity. It will improve in 2 weeks. Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart.'

That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Bob began wondering if the computer could be fooled.

He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure.

Bob hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. H e deposits $10, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.

The computer prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)

2. Your dog has ringworm.. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)

3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.

4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.

5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better!

Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart!