Posted on 03/29/2009 6:36:39 AM PDT by nuconvert
(This classic Dave Barry column was originally published May 30, 2004.)
I figured out why movie stars generally are young. It's not just because they look good naked. It's also because their brains still work.
I learned this recently when I became an ''actor'' in a movie being made in Miami based on a book I wrote about guys. I put ''actor'' in quotation marks because real actors can, you know, act. Whereas my job in this movie was to walk into the scene where the real actors were acting, and say a line like: ''Now, that's a good example of what I'm talking about!'' Sounds easy, right? You just walk in there and say one sentence! What kind of moron would have trouble with that?
An older moron. Me, for example. Oh, I'd memorize my line all right. I'd say it over and over, walking around the set like a deranged person, muttering to myself: ``Now, that's a good example of what I'm talking about! Now, that's a good example of what I'm talking about! Now, that's a good example of what I'm talking about!''
After maybe 600 repetitions, I'd be ready to go. The problem was that the movie crew was never ready when I was. Movie crews are, basically, never ready to go. There's always a problem. Sometimes the light is too bright; sometimes it's too dark; sometimes a key actor develops a flagrant booger. It's always something. And on those rare occasions when everything is perfect and you're set to go, suddenly, out of nowhere, a guy will appear about 50 yards away and fire up a leaf blower.
(Excerpt) Read more at miamiherald.com ...
pong
Back to your apartment, Cosmo.
I've never heard of it. And judging from the comments on IMDB, I think I know why.
I did see Big Trouble, which is based on another book written by Barry. The book was really funny, and the movie was pretty close.
I haven’t, sorry.
I didn't even know it was made... but I'm a fan of Dave Barry's and read Guide to Guys years ago. Gave a copy as a present to my teenage daughter, who found it both hilarious and illuminating.
Probably the movie was poorly received because they tried to give it a plot and flow, instead of staying with the book's format of essentially separate vignettes. Woody Allen's "Everything You Wanted to Know About Sex" was more successful in that regard.
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