Someone ought to erect a statue to Mary Jo on the Mall for keeping this reprobate out of the White House. She really DID give her life for her country.
Posted on 03/17/2009 11:39:26 AM PDT by llevrok
Father Ryan has just given one of his best sermons ever. It's a beautiful Irish Spring day, with the sun out and birds singing. After the Mass, Father is on the steps of the church, enjoying God's Spring wealth, when he hears an argument coming from the shrubbery to the side of the church.
As he goes around side, he see two leprechauns fighting it out:
L1: "T'was! (shouts the first) L2: T'was NOT!!! (replies the other) L1: T'was SO! L2: T'was NOT!!!!
Back and forth they go with a punch or two being thrown.
Not wanting to have this beautiful Sunday spoiled, Father breaks up the two.
Father: Boys! Boys! What's all the kafuffle on this most glorious of God's days???? L1: Father? Is there such a thing as a leprechaun nun? Father: Well, lads, I am sorry to say there t'isn't. Is that what you two have been fighting about? L1: Yes, Father. Seen Michael? I told you that you were makin' love to a penguin!!! L2: T'was NOT L1" T'was so!!!!
And on they go......
Paddy O'furniture
I myself say that's an enthnic slur, and I demand reparations! (In quarts and pints, no less!)
Someone ought to erect a statue to Mary Jo on the Mall for keeping this reprobate out of the White House. She really DID give her life for her country.
I’m going to have a traditional 7 course Irish dinner tonight....a 6-pack and a potato.
Shor and I beat ya like a sheleighlie!
Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he’d just been
run
over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his
face is cut,
and bruised, and he’s walking with a limp.
‘What happened to you?’ asks Sean, the bartender.
‘Jamie O’Conner and me had a fight,’ says Paddy.
‘That little O’Conner,’ says Sean, ‘He couldn’t do that to you, he
must
have had something in his hand.’
‘That he did,’ says Paddy, ‘a shovel is what he had, and a terrible
lickin’ he gave me with it.’
‘Well,’ says Sean, ‘you should have defended yourself. Didn’t you
have
something in your hand?’
That I did,’ said Paddy, ‘Mrs. O’Conner’s breast, and a thing of
beauty
it was; but useless in a fight.’
LOL I love it!
IRISH LOGIC
The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman.
“You disrespectful pig!” she cried. “How dare you do this to me - a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I’m leaving you. I want a divorce!”
And Paddy (for it was he) replied “Hang on just a minute luv, so at least I can tell you what happened.”
“Fine, go ahead”, she sobbed, “but they’ll be the last words you’ll say to me!”
And Paddy began. “Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn’t eaten for three days! So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn’t eat because you’re afraid you’ll put on weight.
The poor thing devoured them in moments. Since she needed a good clean-up I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I threw them away.
Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don’t use because you say they are too tight. I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don’t use because I don’t have good taste.
I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don’t use just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don’t use because someone at work has the same pair.”
Here Paddy took a quick breath and continued - “She was so grateful for my understanding and help and as I walked her to the door she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said,
“Please ... do you have anything else that your wife doesn’t use?”
How’s about a request for pictures of a fine little lass?
I just heard on the radio that some idiot is trying to change the name from St Patrick’s Day (gasp! Christian!)
To ‘Shamrock Day’.
Laaaaaame.
This is not a joke. Went to the vet today with our dog and the topic of St. Patrick’s Day came up. His wife had read a book about civil war history. It said many Irish came over to help fight the war and their reason was to learn fighting techniques to take home. Some of them deserted. When they were caught they had their faces branded and were put on a boat back to Ireland. The face brand was an automatic death sentence when they arrived home. I had never heard this before. All I could say in reply was “and they say it’s tough on the Gitmo prisoners”. He laughed.
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Not a joke but a funny song - Family Guy, My Drunken Irish Dad:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_QAerUPRG0I
Love that! I don’t know any good jokes, but hubby who’s parents are from Ireland used to tell our kids that the fairies would get them if they were bad...made him stop! He used to tell wicked stories about changelings also...a leprechaun or a fairy or something steals a baby and leaves another in his/her place=changeling.
:)
The Dubliners-Whiskey in the Jar
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8eOIU9ekSMk&NR=1
The genie says I will grant you 3 wishes
The Irishman says for my firs wish I want to have a bottomless pint of Guiness Beer that never runs dry.
Genie says wish granted. You have two more wishes. What will they be?
The Irishman says I will have two more pints.
Whose the lazy Irishman who lays around the pool all day?
Patty O’Furniture!
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