Jokes that were not funny?
sure.
John McCain is the 2008 nominee for President.
Barack Hussein Obama IS the President.
Hope that helps....
What did the doe say when she walked out of the woods?
“I’ll never do that again for two bucks”
What did the boy potato chip ask the girl potato chip?
Frito Lay?
What’s the difference between Jeremiah Wright and a bucket of feces? The bucket.
You mean like the late night TV monologues?
The Liberal And The Conservative
A woman in a hot air balloon realized that she was lost. She lowered her altitude, and spotted a fisherman in a boat below. She shouted down to him, “Excuse me, but can you help me? I promised a friend that I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know at all where I am”.
The man consulted his portable GPS, and replied, “Madam, you’re in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of sea level. You are at 49 degrees, 24 minutes 10.9 seconds north latitude, and at 123 degrees, 29 minutes 32.4 seconds west longitude”.
She rolled her eyes, and said with some exasperation, “You must be a Conservative”.
“Well, yes, I am,” replied the man. “How did you know?”
“Well,” answered the lady balloonist, “everything that you told me is technically correct; but I have absolutely no idea what to do with your information, and I am still lost. Quite frankly, you have been completely no help to me at all.”
The man smiled, and shouted up, “Madam, you must be a Liberal”.
“I am,” replied the balloonist with some conviction, “but how did you know?”
“Well,” replied the man, “You have no conception of where you are, or where you’re going. You’ve risen to where you are simply due to a large release of hot air. You have made a promise that you have absolutely no idea of how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem for you. You are in exactly the same position that you were in before we met; but yet now, somehow, it’s my fault.
“I’m from the government, and I’m here to help.”
What’s the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?
The flavor.
Self evaluation — Are you smarter than an Obama voter?
The bartender asks: "What'll ya have and who did you vote for?"
The guy says I'll just have a beer. And for the record, I voted for Obama."
At that point the donkey sticks his head inside the door and says "and he called ME a dumb jackass......"
A: The whole family. One holds the bulb and the rest drink until the room starts to spin.
Europeans learn many languages, Americans learn only English. He then asked, 'Why is it that we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than speaking French?
Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied, 'Maybe it's because the Brits, Canadians, Aussies and Americans arranged it so you wouldn't have to speak German.
Congress
Ethnic joke (not really a joke, it’s true) : How do you tell the difference between an Arab and a Persian?
Ask him to say Vice President. If he says it right, he’s a Persian.
If he says “Fice Bresident,” he’s an Arab.
Arabic lacks a P and a V, and uses B and F respectively instead. It’s hilarious to hear an Arab try to say a sentence with the word “park,” for example; it comes out as “Can I bark here?” LOL
And for the people who make the biggest stink in the world about their “homeland” being “occupied,” they can’t even pronounce it right. I had a substitute prof from Gaza once, and he said “I am FILISTINIAN”
No, you are Palestinian....