Posted on 04/18/2008 5:16:41 PM PDT by WFTR
We all have certain conversations or kinds of conversations that we thoroughly hate. On a singles' thread, maybe the first one that comes to mind is the "just friends" talk. Most of us hate to be on either end of that one. Maybe a few people enjoy giving that talk but not receiving that talk. I don't want us to focus on just that conversation, but I want to throw open the general topic.
What accident was I in and what head injury did I have that made me come up with this subject? Well, I'm in a book club at work, and our book for the second quarter is called Difficult Conversations - How to Discuss What Matters Most. I don't want to jump into that book on the singles' thread, but I will bring up one or two ideas. Mostly, I want us to talk about what we think makes a difficult conversation. I'm curious whether a group of people being asked to consider the issue will have similar ideas to those of the book's authors.
With that idea in mind, here are the first questions around this topic:
What makes a difficult conversation difficult?
Can you give some examples?
Are there any tips that you've found that have helped you with a particular kind of difficult conversation or with difficult conversations in general?
What do you see as the pros and cons of holding difficult conversations in person? by phone? by e-mail? by snail mail?
Do you think internet forums are more likely to make a conversation difficult or less likely to make a conversation difficult?
One point that I will explore from the book is the idea that "Who's right and who's wrong doesn't matter." The book makes this kind of statement in a few places. Occasionally, the book will admit examples or situations where right and wrong do matter, but the general emphasis is neutrality. Do you agree that right and wrong don't matter? Do you think every difficult conversation involves an issue of right and wrong? If you see right and wrong as relevant, does raising the "right and wrong" aspect of the situation always make things better?
Even though I asked the question, I can't remember when I last visited a zoo. I went to the Knoxville Zoo in the early 90's. I went to the Oklahoma City Zoo around that time as well. Both of those were nice zoos.
I can't decide which of those luxuries I would enjoy the most. The horizon pool with the view would require less upkeep, and I'd love to live somewhere with that kind of view. Even if I never used the pool, I'd enjoy the view. Otherwise, I don't know whether I'd enjoy swimming in an Olympic pool or skating more. Either would be excellent exercise, and I could use the exercise.
His wife REALLY likes me and my work. Hopefully, she can "temper" his actions enough that I can work there ok.
On the other hand...IF he does this again, or continues to act like this, I will NOT be able to work with him.
I HAVE told him that his attitude drives off business. I also told him that he has a VERY bad reputation as being nearly IMPOSSIBLE to work for, when he ranted about how much “trouble” I had caused him.
I only hope that things will be ok this week. I will NOT ALLOW him to do anything like that to me EVER again!!
When I left at 3PM on Thursday, I was VERY upset, and seriously thinking of running away, or just going to bed for a few days. And—that may have happened too—had it not been for Thursday evening.
That was when my appointment with my BEST friend Laurie was.
Now, Laurie has often in the past gone out of her way to comfort me, and calm me down and reassure me, when things were wrong in my life. I have often spoken of this, and how much of a friend she has been to me. And even before this happened, she has been trying to get me to “keep my head up” and not get to depressed about things in my life. Well—I was hoping she would be nice to me Thursday, and perhaps would be able to calm me some. I expected that she was planning to show me some comfort even before what happened that day.
She did NOT disappoint me!!
Evidently, she had ALREADY planned to give me one of her “teatree” treatments, which involve a hot towel over my face with herbal oil on it, and a facial massage , neck massage and often a wet massage of the tops of my shoulders and neck below my collar—along with a wash of my hair and behind and inside of my ears with some kind of herbal shampoo.
BUT THIS time, she could tell I was pretty upset, and after I told her what happened, and how I was so stressed out that I just wanted to run away for awhile, she then told me that she was going to “take me back to the shampoo bowl and make me just "forget about things that day". After a big warm hug—she did this.
Not only did she do the “usual” stuff, but she massaged my face MUCH more than usual, and then massaged my neck the FRONT and back of it(usually it is just the back) and THEN—she REALLY began to “work on me”. She then reached behind my collar and gave me a wet massage of EVERYTHING halfway down my back and concentrated some SERIOUS energy on an area below my right shoulder and the center of my back below my neck, as she found some “kinks” she needed to work out.By the time she was done(about 15 minutes altogether) I DID feel a LOT better!! My shirt was pretty wet in the back from the body wash or such that she had lathered her hands up with while massaging me--but I did NOT care a bit.
She then cut and styled my hair and we talked quite a bit. As usual, she was comforting and kind to me about things. BUT--she DID show some FIRM resolve, when she suggested that I need to meet a famous inventor friend of hers, who could help me and maybe even take an interest in me and "give me a chance". When I showed some hesitation of this, due to fear of rejection, she first assured me that he would NOT just think I was a loser or such. She is just SO sure that I have the potential to really be something "special" if only I "get a break" from someone--but I have to be willing to "take the chance" and trust someone that could help me. Still, I was hesitant and THEN she simply TOLD me that "I WAS going to meet with him, even if SHE had to DRAG my butt over there herself"!! I then agreed to do so, if she arranges things. we talked a bit more and then nearly an hour after she had started on me, she told me that EVERYTHING she had done was a TREAT from HER that time!! She would take NO money or tip from me, she said I had "helped her out a while ago and now, it was her turn". Another VERY warm hug, and I left, with another appointment for may 1st.
So..Thursday was a "Day from hell...and a NIGHT from HEAVEN"!! And I STILL feel a LOT better, after her pampering Thursday night!! NO ONE I have EVER known has been the kind of friend to me that Laurie is--and continues to be.
I’m glad to hear that your friend helped you. The part about the inventor friend sounds good. If this person is really looking for a partner, you might be able to work with him part time until things start to roll. At that point, you could quit your job and never look back. When you have a dozen patents and are rolling in the money, we still expect you to post on the singles’ thread occasionally.
Bonus Questions
1. For those who went to church this morning, what was the sermon about? For those who didn't, did you get to do something fun?
2. What signs of spring did you see this week?
3. Will you bother to watch the coverage of the Pennsylvania primaries?
I’ll answer 2 and 3:
2. 75-degree weather, birds chirping, people planting flower gardens, etc. Today was all rainy and cold, ick.
3. No, enough politics for me.
I’m Orthodox Christian, so today is our Palm Sunday. In Russia, they didn’t have palm leaves, so they used pussy willow branches...those were some to the first trees to bloom. So we got a mixture of palm fronds and pussy willow branches today.
I live in PA, and the phone has been ringing non-stop with political campaign recordings on the other end. And someone stopped by the house today to see if I was voting for Hillary. I told him I’m registered with another party, but that my parents are registered Democrats. He asked if they needed a ride to the polls;-)
I wish you well surviving the primary on Tuesday. I have a friend in South Carolina who received 46 political calls one night before the primary there. At least the advertising will put some money into the Pennsylvania economy.
Yep, we’re starting to get some seriously warm weather. From my point of view, the weather can stay a little cold for a few more weeks, but my opinion never seems to sway the weather. For me, the big sign of spring is the baby birds on my porch.
Ick, some fans have Hillary signs at the Phillies game. Put that political crap away. We have had 50s here, rather odd for this area in April. Must be that global warming...
A long story short ... I replaced the lower element of an electric water heater after some very clever 'tooling around' inside to get all the calcium out (that had shorted the element and those that know ... etcetera.)
So I didn't make it to church this morning .... but I was reminded that tribulation worketh patience.
Bill Clinton is going to be at the local high school tomorrow for a campaign stop. It’ll probably make me get stuck in traffic on the way to work.
Hey Kids, I’m checking in. Been really busy these past few weekends, so I wasn’t around. Spent this weekend painting outside and I’m whooped.
I do recall that the sermon this Sunday was from Titus (3rd chapt.?. Awful that I don’t recall something from just 12 hours ago!)
Here the redbuds are bursting forth and the dogwoods are just starting to bloom. (about 2 weeks later than usual, must be global warming. ; ) ) I just love this time of year in the Ozarks! Everything is so fresh, green and bright.
And yeah, I watch the primary...although this election has got me so depressed I could just scream.
The sermon today was about faith...I believe the scripture was from 1John 5:1-5...but I'm not certain about that.
2. What signs of spring did you see this week?
Well the weather is warmer...except today wasn't great-cool and gloomy. My trees and bushes all have buds and there are dandelions popping up everywhere.
3. Will you bother to watch the coverage of the Pennsylvania primaries?
Nope
Had to work. :(
"2. What signs of spring did you see this week?"
Snow ;~P
"3. Will you bother to watch the coverage of the Pennsylvania primaries?"
Nope, don't watch much TV. Get most of my pol info by radio or net.
If Clinton stops by the office for a little dental work, jab him with a probe for me please. ;-)
Hey, if you remember the chapter that the preacher used, you're likely ahead of many people. At least you could reread the chapter on your own and might remember some of the sermon.
This year has been one of the most depressing election years so far for me as well. I had high hopes that we'd end up with someone worthwhile, and instead, we're stuck with John McCain. The alternative is too horrible to consider. Maybe a miracle will happen and McCain will pick a good running mate.
My trees are budding or in some cases have all of their leaves as well. My little maple tree has full leaves, and it finally looks pretty nice. I’d guess that it’s reached twenty feet or so. My green ash isn’t as tall, but is a little fuller. It’s just started to make small leaves. I’m happy with these trees.
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