Posted on 04/11/2008 6:37:46 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
That’s because it’s not really a question, it’s an invitation to an argument. So, the correct answer is, “Honey, I love you. Here’s my credit card.”
As my mom used to say, you’d better hope you can run faster scared than she can mad.
A propos of nothing.
heard a legit radio ad saying that even if you don’t normally have to file, you should still submit owing nothing because you may STILL be elligible for a “rebate”.
Nice. No money paid, yet money comes back.
New money designs gives the mint a reason to keep the presses rolling making more more more paper...
I might have found this on FR a few months ago but it is worth repeating......
The British Governments policy of socialized medicine has recently been broadened to include a service called Proxy Fathers. Under the government plan, any married woman who is unable to become pregnant through the first five years of her marriage may request the service of a proxy father... a government employee who attempts to solve the couples problem by impregnating the wife.
The Smiths, a young couple, have no children and a proxy father is due to arrive. Leaving for work, Mr. Smith says, *I am off. The government man should be here soon.* Moments later a door-to-door baby photographer rings the bell.
Mrs. Smith: Good morning.
Salesman: Good morning, madam. You do not know me, but I have come to...
Mrs. Smith: (Interrupting) No need to explain, I have been expecting you.
Salesman: Really? Well, good. I have made a specialty of babies, specially twins.
Mrs. Smith: That is what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat.
Salesman: (Sitting) Then you do not need to be sold on the idea?
Mrs. Smith: Do not concern yourself. My husband and I both agree this is the right thing to do.
Salesman: Well, perhaps we should get down to it?
Mrs. Smith: (Blushing) Just where do we start?
Salesman: Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor allows the subject to really spread out.
Mrs. Smith: Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it has not worked for Harry and me.
Salesman: Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time, but if we try several locations and I shoot from six or seven angles, I am sure you will be pleased with the results. In fact, my business card says, *I aim to please.*
Mrs. Smith: Pardon me, but this is a little informal, is it not?
Salesman: Madam, in my line of work, a man must be at ease and take his time. I would love to be in and out in five minutes, but you would be disappointed with that.
Mrs. Smith: I know! Have you had much success at this?
Salesman: (Opening his briefcase and finding baby pictures) Just look at this picture. Believe it or not, it was done on top of a bus in downtown London.
Mrs. Smith: Oh, my!!
Salesman: And here are pictures of the prettiest twins in town. They turned out exceptionally well when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.
Mrs. Smith: She was?
Salesman: Yes, I am afraid so. I finally had to take her down to Hyde Park to get the job done right. I have never worked under such impossible conditions. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look.
Mrs. Smith: Four and five deep?
Salesman: Yes and for more than three hours, too. The mother got so excited she started bouncing around, squealing and yelling at the crowd. I could not concentrate. I am afraid I had to ask a couple of men to restrain her. By that time darkness was approaching and I began to rush my shots. When the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment I just packed it all in.
Mrs. Smith: You mean they actually chewed on your, eh.., equipment?
Salesman: That is right, but it is all in a days work. I consider my work a pleasure. I have spent years perfecting my patented technique. Now take this baby, I shot this one in the front window of a big department store.
Mrs. Smith: I just cannot believe it.
Salesman: Well, madam, if you are ready, I will set up my tripod so that we can get to work.
Mrs. Smith: TRIPOD?!?
Salesman: Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my equipment on. It is much too heavy and unwieldy for me to hold while I am shooting. Mrs. Smith?... Mrs. Smith?... My goodness, she has fainted!
Gad...look how daddy in the black t-shirt is protecting his baby...not!
Golf is a lot like taxes - you drive hard to get to the green and end up in the hole.
Working for the IRS is a hard job because it is so taxing.
13. No man’s life, liberty, or property is safe while the Legislature is in session.
.......Mark Twain (1866) -
This was actually said by Judge Gideon Tucker in 1866
The difference between a tax collector and a taxidermist? The taxidermist leaves the hide.
The government is going to charge for hitch-hiking. Thumb tax.
Me too. There could be a double meaning.
The IRS visited the bronze maker and got down to brass tax.
Those that fight the IRS think the government is funded by attacks on income.
When the government designs a new penny, the number of government workers that have to approve the design is ten per cent.
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