Posted on 12/25/2007 6:54:26 PM PST by Sen Jack S. Fogbound
DARWIN AWARDS 2007
And once again, it's time for the Darwin Award Nominees. The Darwins are awarded every year to the persons who died in the most stupid manner, thereby removing themselves from the gene pool.
This years nominees are:
Nominee No. 1: [San Jose Mercury News]
An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriends windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.
Nominee No. 2: [Kalamazoo Gazette]
James Burns, 34, (a mechanic) of Alamo, MI. was killed in March as he was trying to repair what police describe as a "farm-type truck". Burns got a friend to drive the truck on a highway while Burns hung underneath so that he could ascertain the source of a troubling noise. Burns clothes caught on something however, and the other man found Burns "wrapped in the drive shaft".
Nominee No. 3: [Hickory Daily Record]
Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in December in Newton, NC. Awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone but grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson 38 Special, which discharged when he drew it to his ear.
Nominee No. 4: [UPI, Toronto]
Police said a lawyer demonstrating the safety of windows in a downtown Toronto skyscraper crashed through a pane with his shoulder and plunged 24 floors to his death. A police spokesman said Garry Hoy, 39, fell into the courtyard of the Toronto Dominion Bank Tower early Friday evening as he was explaining the strength of the buildings windows to visiting law students. Hoy previously has conducted demonstrations of window strength according to police reports. Peter Lawson, managing partner of the firm Holden Day Wilson, told the Toronto Sun newspaper that Hoy was "one of the best and brightest" members of the 200-man association.
Nominee No. 5: [The News of the Weird]
Michael Anderson Godwin made News of the Weird posthumously. He had spent several years awaiting South Carolinas electric chair on a murder conviction before having his sentence reduced to life in prison. While sitting on a metal toilet in his cell attempting to fix his small TV set, he bit into a wire and was electrocuted.
Nominee No. 6: [The Indianapolis Star]
A cigarette lighter may have triggered a fatal explosion in Dunkirk, IN. A Jay County man, using a cigarette lighter to check the barrel of a muzzle loader, was killed Monday night when the weapon discharged in his face, sheriffs investigators said. Gregory David Pryor, 19, died in his parents rural Dunkirk home at about 11:30 PM. Investigators said Pryor was cleaning a 54-caliber muzzle-loader that had not been firing properly. He was using the lighter to look into the barrel when the gun-powder ignited.
Nominee No. 7: [Reuters, Mississauga, Ontario]
A man cleaning a bird feeder on the balcony of his condominium apartment in this Toronto suburb slipped and fell 23 stories to his death. Stefan Macko, 55, was standing on a wheelchair when the accident occurred, said Inspector Darcy Honer of the Peel Regional Police. "It appears that the chair moved, and he went over the balcony," Honer said.
Finally, THE WINNER!!!: [Arkansas Democrat Gazette]
Two local men were injured when their pickup truck left the road and struck a tree near Cotton Patch on State Highway 38 early Monday. Woodruff County deputy Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly after midnight Monday. Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc, and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock, were returning to Des Arc after a frog catching trip. On an overcast Sunday night, Pooles pickup truck headlights malfunctioned. The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older-model truck had burned out. As a replacement fuse was not available, Wallis noticed that the .22 caliber bullets from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next to the steering-wheel column. Upon inserting the bullet the headlights again began to operate properly, and the two men proceeded on eastbound toward the White River Bridge. After Traveling Approximately 20 miles, and just before crossing the river, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged, and struck Poole in the testicles. The vehicle swerved sharply right, exiting the pavement, and striking a tree Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the accident but will require extensive surgery to repair the damage to his testicles, which will never operate as intended. Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was treated and released. "Thank God we weren't on that bridge when Thurston shot his balls off, or we might both be dead," stated Wallis "I've been a trooper for 10 years in this part of the world, but this is a first for me. I can't believe that those two would admit how this accident happened," said Snyder. Upon being notified of the wreck, Lavinia (Poole's wife) asked how many frogs the boys had caught and did anyone get them from the truck???
(Though Poole and Wallis did not die as a result of their misadventure as normally required by Darwin Award Official Rules, it can be argued that Poole did, in fact, effectively remove himself from the gene pool.)
How many of these tales are factual?
Not only is the gun in his ear, but his finger is in the trigger guard... If the photo isn’t posed he should pull a little harder because no one that stupid should have a gun.
You do see what it says on his cap don't you?? It explains the whole thing.
I wouldn’t know if any are really factual. They are the new ones that I haven’t seen before, and thought it might be worth a laugh to post it for you guys!
OUT OF THE GENE POOL!
Todo
Tutti
Alles
Certainly an amusing list. The bird feeder guy gets my vote.
A new story every* day!
The 2007 WINNERS Announced January 1st!
*Until Dec 31st.
Judge for your self. http://www.darwinawards.com/
Geez... I try to look at these awards through a lens of empathy, (because by the nature of the award, these people aren't the sharpest tools in the shed), but sometimes you just have to say "with this guy, it was bound to happen, and he actually made it to 47, which for this kind of mistake, you just have to think 47 was a plus!"
You mean, touts, todos, bce.
My thoughts to when I read it. I love these Darwin Awards stories, but I have found several of them in years past to be urban myths.
I know a guy that was shot by a raccoon. He was trying to kill the raccoon with the butt of his shotgun, the raccoon reached up and pulled the triger. Blew out the guy’s hip.
He invited me hunting once, I passed.
Nominee No. 4: [UPI, Toronto]
Police said a lawyer demonstrating the safety of windows in a downtown Toronto skyscraper crashed through a pane with his shoulder and plunged 24 floors to his death. A police spokesman said Garry Hoy, 39, fell into the courtyard of the Toronto Dominion Bank Tower early Friday evening as he was explaining the strength of the buildings windows to visiting law students. Hoy previously has conducted demonstrations of window strength according to police reports. Peter Lawson, managing partner of the firm Holden Day Wilson, told the Toronto Sun newspaper that Hoy was “one of the best and brightest” members of the 200-man association.
Nice start.
bogus list. some of these have been around forever.
Darwin bump
...2007? I could swear the “guy proving how strong the windows were” and “picked up gun instead of phone” stories were
so old they were published years ago in a Darwin Awards
book. I even remember the first one I just mentioned
taking place at that very building in Toronto, so unless
history repeated itself...
New England talk host Howie Carr loves reading stories
like these on air. When he does (or when a famed celeb
dies) they play a sound effect: Ted Knight laughing.
“Is Ted in the house?,” he’ll ask. The clip comes
from Caddyshack, when Judge Smails asks Danny
“How ‘bout a Fresca?” (One site has that clip online
but omits the laugh).
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha (claps hands)
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