The chil's body may be maaaaavelous; but her brain's missin' a few cogs.
Bodies screw up faster than brains; so you have to wonder what that girl's future is.
Posted on 11/15/2007 6:22:06 PM PST by DogByte6RER
Debbie Schlussel: Early Movie Review: 3-D Spectacle "Beowulf" is Fun "300" as Played by WWE Characters
By Debbie Schlussel
It's definitely not for kids. And I didn't care for the right-in-your-face naked CGI rear ends of Beowulf (Ray Winstone) and Grendel's Mother (a skank played by a skank--Angelina Jolie). But I thoroughly enjoyed "Beowulf"--the 3-D marvel, in theaters tomorrow (Friday). And, yes, guys, this movie is for you. Dragons, fire, monsters, kings, warriors, swords, damsels in distress--this has all those and more.
It's the story of the swashbuckling, but exaggeratingly braggadocious, fair-haired warrior Beowulf who saves Danish King Hrothgar's (Anthony Hopkins) kingdom from the monster Grendel, who has been terrorizing and murdering his people. While fighting him naked (there's a lot of trouble taken to obfuscate Beowulf's groin region with various objects), Beowulf manages to kill Grendel and win Hrothgar's queen (Robin Wright Spicoli, er . . . Penn) for whom he lusts. But that's only half the battle. The bigger battle is to resist the charms of Grendel's skanky demon mother and kill her, instead of sleeping with her and spawning new Grendels. But man is mortal, subject to lust, and, alas, not brave enough to resist temptation. Or is he? This also stars John Malkovich who is vintage funny, obnoxious, weird Malkovich in this one.
Yes, guys, Angelina Jolie is naked (and far better looking in animation than in reality), but those regions are obfuscated in the animation (but for a better crafted rear end). Sorry.
"Beowulf" is getting panned by some critics, but I disagree with them. If you're an adult who enjoys epic, swashbuckling tales of old, you'll probably like it. If you liked the far superior "300," you'll definitely like this sort of comic book version of it.
It's like "300" on steroids, a little drunk, and starring WWE characters who have far less courage and morality. That's because "Beowulf" doesn't really take itself seriously. There is a lot of parody and silly humor sewn into this movie based on the epic poem they force you to read in high school. In fact, Beowulf is played by Ray Winstone, who resembles a much hotter version of WWE's wife-beater Stone Cold Steve Austin. That's the computer generated imaging (CGI) working, as the real-life Winstone is schleppy and his onscreen Beowulf is a hot, muscular blond warrior adonis.
This movie is a new form of CGI. Real actors--Anthony Hopkins, Skankelina Jolie, and others are filmed in real life, painted over and presented in 3-D. It looks like part animation, part real.
The 3-D effects in this one are so real, so in-your-face, it's almost headache-inducing (and in my case, it was headache-inducing). Points of spears and, yes, as I wrote, the butts of swashbuckling Beowulf and Grendel's mother. Limbs of dead or maimed characters coming at you, along with water, blood, and other flying objects. Characters faces right in yours. It's really fantastic to see. And while it's great in a standard moviehouse, it's best seen at an IMAX theater, if there's one close by.
Again, definitely not for kids--as it's bloody, violent, scary (all made more so by the AMAZING! 3-D effects), and full of adult themes and sexual double entendres. And it's definitely not the textbook, dull tome I remember reading in school. So, it doesn't serve educational purposes.
Enjoyable and entertaining. And very fun.
Sneak-Peek of the New 10,000 B.C. Movie Trailer
www.movieweb.com | 09/10/2007 | Staff
Posted on 09/10/2007 8:19:46 AM EDT by Red Badger
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1893887/posts
This also stars John Malkovich who is vintage funny, obnoxious, weird Malkovich in this one.Little John Malkopee, now this one is a must see...
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Too bad crazy Anjelina's in it, but I think I'll see this one. |
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Just got back from the IMAX 3D version. It’s definitely worth leaving the comfort of your home theater for. The animation/mo-cap is amazingly detailed and realistic, allowing for some truly insane scenes. Their Grendel may be the most rivetingly disgusting creature ever put to film. Definitely a leap beyond Final Fantasy and the Polar Express. I’d say its the future of movies outside the home. Was annoyed by the anti-Christian spin, but then what do you expect from Hollywood. This movie proves that nothing is “unfilmable” anymore. I wish they would do a Marvel Comics “Avengers” movie using this technology.
Can you order that translation (Seamus Heaney) from Barnes and Noble or Amazon or is it only available at colleges?
She and I have the same opinion of Pitt’s mistress.
Maybe it’s just a “girl thing.”
Despite the crazy abused chick aura, she’s hot I’ll give her that, better still with digital enhancement. Did you know she claims to have slept with only four men including Brad Pitt. It still amuses me that she’s the daughter of Jon Voight. DNA works in mysterious ways.
The chil's body may be maaaaavelous; but her brain's missin' a few cogs.
Bodies screw up faster than brains; so you have to wonder what that girl's future is.
Tolkien was one of the earliest Beowulf scholars, and Beowulf's influence on The Lord of the Rings is considerable.
I think I’ll just stay home and read the epic. While I love a new take of an old story and even a good parody on an old story (after all, a true parody is, perhaps, the greatest tribute possible), this sounds like a mockery.
i saw it opening yesterday at noon,
and it sux!
the special effects run over the movie.
simple plot, poor acting, goofy ...
waste of money.
It figures a straight forward story about a noble hero just isn’t “complex” enough for modern writers. Making Beowulf flawed did add some layers I thought. It becomes a story about the wages of sin/greed/gluttony/temptation. Biblical themes to be sure. But of course that’s too conservative so they included a few slaps at Christianity, which is presented as more civilized than Norse Paganism, but less effective when it comes to slaying monsters. At one point the aging Beowulf says, “The Christ God has left us with no heroes. Only weakness and weeping martyrs.” The concept of protagonistss getting strength from Jesus, as billions have, is anathema to Hollywood.
Speaking of warrior heroes, Rambo 4 comes out in January. I’ll be there on opening day. Stallone may be old, but hopefully he can still kick ass 80s style with a minimum of anti-US bull.
I think it’s available at pretty much any bookstore... I know Borders sells that translation, so I’m willing to bet it’s on Amazon or any other major bookstore/website.
After I posted I regretted not mentioning the somewhat anti-Christian parts, both in the beginning when Hrothgar scoffs at praying to the “Roman God”, and then the part you mentioned. But as I see, you noticed (as many will I’m sure). You say making Beowulf flawed added layers- but it wasn’t just Beowulf, it was Hrothgar and other aspects of the story. What they did was really a completely different story. They should have just done that, and not bastardize Beowulf. Many people have never read it, and won’t, and they’ll not enjoy the epic poem as it was written, and take away from it what was intended.
I think if you’re going to do a story someone else wrote- be true to it or you do everyone a disservice.
i have read this story to my kids, and they really like it.. however putting this in pictures takes the story from what the kids imagine in their minds, to what we as adults imagine in our minds, thus creating the problem.. hollywood didnt make it ‘interesting’, the troublesome (for younger audiences) elements of the story were there when it was written
i am not familiar with 1066, but your difficulty in reading and enjoyment of gilgamesh and beowulf greatly depend on what particular translation you have.. some are much much better than others
Amazing! Sounds just like a description of “300”!
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