Posted on 11/15/2007 6:22:06 PM PST by DogByte6RER
Debbie Schlussel: Early Movie Review: 3-D Spectacle "Beowulf" is Fun "300" as Played by WWE Characters
By Debbie Schlussel
It's definitely not for kids. And I didn't care for the right-in-your-face naked CGI rear ends of Beowulf (Ray Winstone) and Grendel's Mother (a skank played by a skank--Angelina Jolie). But I thoroughly enjoyed "Beowulf"--the 3-D marvel, in theaters tomorrow (Friday). And, yes, guys, this movie is for you. Dragons, fire, monsters, kings, warriors, swords, damsels in distress--this has all those and more.
It's the story of the swashbuckling, but exaggeratingly braggadocious, fair-haired warrior Beowulf who saves Danish King Hrothgar's (Anthony Hopkins) kingdom from the monster Grendel, who has been terrorizing and murdering his people. While fighting him naked (there's a lot of trouble taken to obfuscate Beowulf's groin region with various objects), Beowulf manages to kill Grendel and win Hrothgar's queen (Robin Wright Spicoli, er . . . Penn) for whom he lusts. But that's only half the battle. The bigger battle is to resist the charms of Grendel's skanky demon mother and kill her, instead of sleeping with her and spawning new Grendels. But man is mortal, subject to lust, and, alas, not brave enough to resist temptation. Or is he? This also stars John Malkovich who is vintage funny, obnoxious, weird Malkovich in this one.
Yes, guys, Angelina Jolie is naked (and far better looking in animation than in reality), but those regions are obfuscated in the animation (but for a better crafted rear end). Sorry.
"Beowulf" is getting panned by some critics, but I disagree with them. If you're an adult who enjoys epic, swashbuckling tales of old, you'll probably like it. If you liked the far superior "300," you'll definitely like this sort of comic book version of it.
It's like "300" on steroids, a little drunk, and starring WWE characters who have far less courage and morality. That's because "Beowulf" doesn't really take itself seriously. There is a lot of parody and silly humor sewn into this movie based on the epic poem they force you to read in high school. In fact, Beowulf is played by Ray Winstone, who resembles a much hotter version of WWE's wife-beater Stone Cold Steve Austin. That's the computer generated imaging (CGI) working, as the real-life Winstone is schleppy and his onscreen Beowulf is a hot, muscular blond warrior adonis.
This movie is a new form of CGI. Real actors--Anthony Hopkins, Skankelina Jolie, and others are filmed in real life, painted over and presented in 3-D. It looks like part animation, part real.
The 3-D effects in this one are so real, so in-your-face, it's almost headache-inducing (and in my case, it was headache-inducing). Points of spears and, yes, as I wrote, the butts of swashbuckling Beowulf and Grendel's mother. Limbs of dead or maimed characters coming at you, along with water, blood, and other flying objects. Characters faces right in yours. It's really fantastic to see. And while it's great in a standard moviehouse, it's best seen at an IMAX theater, if there's one close by.
Again, definitely not for kids--as it's bloody, violent, scary (all made more so by the AMAZING! 3-D effects), and full of adult themes and sexual double entendres. And it's definitely not the textbook, dull tome I remember reading in school. So, it doesn't serve educational purposes.
Enjoyable and entertaining. And very fun.
3D again! I’m there!
count me in!
So it’s basically 3D rotoscoping, which I don’t think is new since A Scanner Darkly did the same thing (amongst others) only it was a lot more stylized.
>>>>There is a lot of parody and silly humor sewn into this movie based on the epic poem they force you to read in high school. <<<<<
Wait a second here! I teach “Beowulf” to high school sophomores, using the version from Dr. David Breeden down at the University of Texas (and available online). Students like it, and most of the boys in class absolutely love it. For boys, especially, it’s a great story with a lot of crude violence, and, surprisingly, some moral lessons about arrogance and virtue. Certainly it’s no PC epic. (Or to put it in the words of a 15-year-old guy: “I’m really tired of reading that the monster and the hero have to be friends, and the hero is some Amazon girl.”)
The movie sounds like someone finally understands “Beowulf” is supposed to be a ripping yarn. I’m going to get a big bag of popcorn and enjoy myself.
Hwaet, we gar-dena in geardagum,
þeodcyninga þrym gefrunon,
hu ða æþelingas ellen fremedon!
oft Scyld Scefing sceaþena þreatum,
monegum mægþum meodosetla ofteah,
egsode eorlas, syððanærest wearð
feasceaft funden; he þæs frofre gebad,
weox under wolcnum weorðmyndum þah,
oð þæt him æghwylc ymbsittendra
ofer hronrade hyran scolde,
gomban gyldan; þæt wæs god cyning!
Pings and greetings to all the Germanic philologist Freepers!
Sigh. I figured this was not something I could take my 12-year-old daughter to. A bit of a shame. She knows the story and is interested, but I guess Hollywood had to make it “interesting”. Guess I’ll see it without her.
When I attended community college and since Western Civ History was required of me, had to deal with the book version of the story which is not easy to read or understand. It is supose to be the first real book of western civ after the start of the dark ages.
I think you mean the Epic of Gilgamesh, which at 5000 years is the oldest Western literature.
I read Beowulf in my senior year of high school, and absolutely loved it. The rest of the class didn’t share my enthusiasm for it, except one girl who brought in the bilingual translation by Seamus Heaney instead of reading the cheap classroom version we had. I loved that one even more, and now own a copy. It even turned out to be the required version for my medieval history class. The TA even read us parts of the poem in the original Old English, and it sounded like Elvish... it was the one of the coolest things I’ve ever heard.
I love Heaney’s translation as well, and if that were the one taught in high school I’m sure there would be more fans of the legend.
The Seamus Heaney translation is in modern English and is very good.
Thanks for the correction. “Beowulf” can be honored for it being the first form of writing after the end of the Roman Empire and the start of the middle ages, a masterpiece from the dark ages.
The Epic of Gilgamesh is more or less lyrical, considering it is very ancient. Plus it introduced me to Iraq, a country in which would figure bigtime in a few short years latter in current events.
Thank-you. :)
I think a lot of the rotoscoping, ( 3D and non 3D ) can be found in digital programs such as Director and others.
Cartoon nudity is goofy. Put some clothes on!
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