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Early Movie Review: 3-D Spectacle "Beowulf" is Fun "300" as Played by WWE Characters
Debbie Schlussel ^ | November 15, 2007 | Debbie Schlussel

Posted on 11/15/2007 6:22:06 PM PST by DogByte6RER

Debbie Schlussel: Early Movie Review: 3-D Spectacle "Beowulf" is Fun "300" as Played by WWE Characters

By Debbie Schlussel

It's definitely not for kids. And I didn't care for the right-in-your-face naked CGI rear ends of Beowulf (Ray Winstone) and Grendel's Mother (a skank played by a skank--Angelina Jolie). But I thoroughly enjoyed "Beowulf"--the 3-D marvel, in theaters tomorrow (Friday). And, yes, guys, this movie is for you. Dragons, fire, monsters, kings, warriors, swords, damsels in distress--this has all those and more.

It's the story of the swashbuckling, but exaggeratingly braggadocious, fair-haired warrior Beowulf who saves Danish King Hrothgar's (Anthony Hopkins) kingdom from the monster Grendel, who has been terrorizing and murdering his people. While fighting him naked (there's a lot of trouble taken to obfuscate Beowulf's groin region with various objects), Beowulf manages to kill Grendel and win Hrothgar's queen (Robin Wright Spicoli, er . . . Penn) for whom he lusts. But that's only half the battle. The bigger battle is to resist the charms of Grendel's skanky demon mother and kill her, instead of sleeping with her and spawning new Grendels. But man is mortal, subject to lust, and, alas, not brave enough to resist temptation. Or is he? This also stars John Malkovich who is vintage funny, obnoxious, weird Malkovich in this one.

Yes, guys, Angelina Jolie is naked (and far better looking in animation than in reality), but those regions are obfuscated in the animation (but for a better crafted rear end). Sorry.

"Beowulf" is getting panned by some critics, but I disagree with them. If you're an adult who enjoys epic, swashbuckling tales of old, you'll probably like it. If you liked the far superior "300," you'll definitely like this sort of comic book version of it.

It's like "300" on steroids, a little drunk, and starring WWE characters who have far less courage and morality. That's because "Beowulf" doesn't really take itself seriously. There is a lot of parody and silly humor sewn into this movie based on the epic poem they force you to read in high school. In fact, Beowulf is played by Ray Winstone, who resembles a much hotter version of WWE's wife-beater Stone Cold Steve Austin. That's the computer generated imaging (CGI) working, as the real-life Winstone is schleppy and his onscreen Beowulf is a hot, muscular blond warrior adonis.

This movie is a new form of CGI. Real actors--Anthony Hopkins, Skankelina Jolie, and others are filmed in real life, painted over and presented in 3-D. It looks like part animation, part real.

The 3-D effects in this one are so real, so in-your-face, it's almost headache-inducing (and in my case, it was headache-inducing). Points of spears and, yes, as I wrote, the butts of swashbuckling Beowulf and Grendel's mother. Limbs of dead or maimed characters coming at you, along with water, blood, and other flying objects. Characters faces right in yours. It's really fantastic to see. And while it's great in a standard moviehouse, it's best seen at an IMAX theater, if there's one close by.

Again, definitely not for kids--as it's bloody, violent, scary (all made more so by the AMAZING! 3-D effects), and full of adult themes and sexual double entendres. And it's definitely not the textbook, dull tome I remember reading in school. So, it doesn't serve educational purposes.

Enjoyable and entertaining. And very fun.


TOPICS: Books/Literature; Chit/Chat; Poetry; Society; TV/Movies
KEYWORDS: beowulf; boxoffice; film; godsgravesglyphs; moviereview
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If this flick is half as fun as Debbie Schlussel's movie review of "Beowulf" then count me in!
1 posted on 11/15/2007 6:22:10 PM PST by DogByte6RER
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“Beowulf” movie website:

http://www.beowulfmovie.com/


2 posted on 11/15/2007 6:22:47 PM PST by DogByte6RER ("Loose lips sink ships")
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To: DogByte6RER

3D again! I’m there!


3 posted on 11/15/2007 6:24:52 PM PST by dynachrome (Immigration without assimilation means the death of this nation~Captainpaintball)
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To: DogByte6RER

count me in!


4 posted on 11/15/2007 6:27:26 PM PST by Eternal_Bear
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To: DogByte6RER

So it’s basically 3D rotoscoping, which I don’t think is new since A Scanner Darkly did the same thing (amongst others) only it was a lot more stylized.


5 posted on 11/15/2007 6:27:36 PM PST by ECM (Government is a make-work program for lawyers.)
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To: DogByte6RER

>>>>There is a lot of parody and silly humor sewn into this movie based on the epic poem they force you to read in high school. <<<<<

Wait a second here! I teach “Beowulf” to high school sophomores, using the version from Dr. David Breeden down at the University of Texas (and available online). Students like it, and most of the boys in class absolutely love it. For boys, especially, it’s a great story with a lot of crude violence, and, surprisingly, some moral lessons about arrogance and virtue. Certainly it’s no PC epic. (Or to put it in the words of a 15-year-old guy: “I’m really tired of reading that the monster and the hero have to be friends, and the hero is some Amazon girl.”)

The movie sounds like someone finally understands “Beowulf” is supposed to be a ripping yarn. I’m going to get a big bag of popcorn and enjoy myself.


6 posted on 11/15/2007 6:29:56 PM PST by redpoll
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To: DogByte6RER

Hwaet, we gar-dena in geardagum,
þeodcyninga þrym gefrunon,
hu ða æþelingas ellen fremedon!
oft Scyld Scefing sceaþena þreatum,
monegum mægþum meodosetla ofteah,
egsode eorlas, syððanærest wearð
feasceaft funden; he þæs frofre gebad,
weox under wolcnum weorðmyndum þah,
oð þæt him æghwylc ymbsittendra
ofer hronrade hyran scolde,
gomban gyldan; þæt wæs god cyning!

Pings and greetings to all the Germanic philologist Freepers!


7 posted on 11/15/2007 6:36:15 PM PST by proxy_user
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To: DogByte6RER

Sigh. I figured this was not something I could take my 12-year-old daughter to. A bit of a shame. She knows the story and is interested, but I guess Hollywood had to make it “interesting”. Guess I’ll see it without her.


8 posted on 11/15/2007 6:36:19 PM PST by ClearCase_guy (The broken wall, the burning roof and tower. And Agamemnon dead.)
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To: DogByte6RER
do ya need these?


9 posted on 11/15/2007 6:37:45 PM PST by RDTF ("Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear". Mark Twain)
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To: DogByte6RER

When I attended community college and since Western Civ History was required of me, had to deal with the book version of the story which is not easy to read or understand. It is supose to be the first real book of western civ after the start of the dark ages.


10 posted on 11/15/2007 7:12:39 PM PST by Biggirl (A biggirl with a big heart for God's animal creation, with 4 cats in my life as proof. =^..^=)
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To: redpoll
As posted, had taken a course in community college the required this book be read and it is no easy read. It is suposed to be the one of the oldest books/poems in western civ, among the first during the early middle ages or dark ages. It was one of 3 books that I had to have taking Western Civ History 1. The other two books were “Giddermesh”, an epic ancient Mespotanien book, and “1066”.
11 posted on 11/15/2007 7:26:54 PM PST by Biggirl (A biggirl with a big heart for God's animal creation, with 4 cats in my life as proof. =^..^=)
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To: Biggirl
Giddermesh

I think you mean the Epic of Gilgamesh, which at 5000 years is the oldest Western literature.

12 posted on 11/15/2007 7:33:50 PM PST by ikka
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To: redpoll

I read Beowulf in my senior year of high school, and absolutely loved it. The rest of the class didn’t share my enthusiasm for it, except one girl who brought in the bilingual translation by Seamus Heaney instead of reading the cheap classroom version we had. I loved that one even more, and now own a copy. It even turned out to be the required version for my medieval history class. The TA even read us parts of the poem in the original Old English, and it sounded like Elvish... it was the one of the coolest things I’ve ever heard.


13 posted on 11/15/2007 7:51:28 PM PST by Hyzenthlay (Halo 3 is making me realise that Microsoft is not entirely evil.)
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To: Hyzenthlay

I love Heaney’s translation as well, and if that were the one taught in high school I’m sure there would be more fans of the legend.


14 posted on 11/16/2007 5:08:21 AM PST by Paul Heinzman
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To: Biggirl
'not easy to read or understand"

The Seamus Heaney translation is in modern English and is very good.

15 posted on 11/16/2007 5:13:31 AM PST by Pietro
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To: ikka

Thanks for the correction. “Beowulf” can be honored for it being the first form of writing after the end of the Roman Empire and the start of the middle ages, a masterpiece from the dark ages.


16 posted on 11/16/2007 6:06:25 AM PST by Biggirl (A biggirl with a big heart for God's animal creation, with 4 cats in my life as proof. =^..^=)
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To: ikka

The Epic of Gilgamesh is more or less lyrical, considering it is very ancient. Plus it introduced me to Iraq, a country in which would figure bigtime in a few short years latter in current events.


17 posted on 11/16/2007 6:09:23 AM PST by Biggirl (A biggirl with a big heart for God's animal creation, with 4 cats in my life as proof. =^..^=)
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To: Pietro

Thank-you. :)


18 posted on 11/16/2007 6:16:51 AM PST by Biggirl (A biggirl with a big heart for God's animal creation, with 4 cats in my life as proof. =^..^=)
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To: ECM

I think a lot of the rotoscoping, ( 3D and non 3D ) can be found in digital programs such as Director and others.


19 posted on 11/16/2007 6:18:28 AM PST by Biggirl (A biggirl with a big heart for God's animal creation, with 4 cats in my life as proof. =^..^=)
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To: DogByte6RER

Cartoon nudity is goofy. Put some clothes on!


20 posted on 11/16/2007 12:53:14 PM PST by donna (We live in this fog of political correctness, where everything is perpetual deception.-John Hagee)
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