In response to your question regarding what “league” people are in. It’s been my general observation that people are judged in terms of power.
For women, good looks = power. That’s pretty much the beginning, middle, and end of the story.
With men, looks count, but not nearly as much as other types of power. Money, social status, intelligence, etc. In terms of looks, being tall helps and being short definitely hurts. Being bald hurts.
I’m fairly average looking, mostly unremarkable, but look pretty good if I dress up. In situations where I’ve met guys who don’t see me dressed up, they usually have known me for a long time before asking for a date. So they do get past the looks eventually. One thing that I have found particularly annoying is having a male friend say “I wish my girlfriend were like you.” What he is saying is that he’s not willing to give up the beauty for the personality and brains, because if he were, he would be dating me.
For all you bald and/or short guys out there, I’ve dated both. I’ve dated guys who were shorter than I am. The worst thing about bald or short is that the guy is usually fixated on it. Sometimes even tall guys are hung up on their height. I dated a guy who was movie star handsome and 5’ 11-1/2” and he was obsessed about that 1/2 inch that would have put him at 6 feet tall. Not too many people would have considered him short, but it bothered him.
If I were to describe the “ideal” appearance of Mr. Right, I don’t think it would be very close to any of the men I’ve dated. For me, and I think for most women, looks are just not that important. I dated one guy who was so not good looking that when we walked down the street, children would point at him and make fun of his looks.
I’ve met men who I thought were good looking, but who soon became “ugly” in my eyes because of their obnoxious personalities. I’ve met men who were not much in the looks department, but who became handsome in my mind’s eye because they were such gentlemen.
So......my number one turn on - brains. After that, a guy needs to have a solid foundation of “nice” to hold my interest. Nice to me, nice to waitresses, nice to the bag boy in the grocery store, nice to my friends, nice to my family, nice to animals, etc. I look for a man who is nice to everyone, not just to people who are useful to him.
Hope this helps you guys out there. Bald is lovable. Short is lovable. Be confident, but not arrogant. That’s really attractive.
Best to you all!
I think "Seinfeld"'s character George Costanza is a prime example here. :)
If the equation for women were that looks equals power, then I would think that powerful women would seem more attractive. For me, that's not the case. I'd much prefer an attractive woman who doesn't have any particular kind of power to an attractive woman who is in some position of power. Properly used, power means having many demands on one's time, and I'd rather have someone who can focus more on the relationship.
Are you saying that women want the most powerful man that they can catch? If a woman had a chance at someone who could be president, would she go after that man over an equally attractive, equally intelligent man who did not have the political skills to reach political office?
I understand your annoyance with guys who say "I wish my girlfriend were like you," but I also believe that chemistry is hard to quantify in a way that would suggest that the trade between looks and personality is that simple. I've occasionally run into women who wish that their boyfriends or husbands had some quality that I have. It's nice that they appreciate that quality, but I realize that the overall package of who I am isn't enough to catch their hearts. The situation is frustrating, but if the feelings aren't there, then the feelings aren't there. Only two things really make me angry at them. The first is when they reject someone like me and end up with someone who abuses them. The second is when they reject someone like me in order to have kids for some other guy and then come back after the divorce and think that I should take care of them and their kids.
Over the past five or so years, I've run into a couple of women who at first seemed to fit the "if only I felt more attraction to you" pattern. As I've gotten to know them better, I've realized that they wouldn't be right for me even if they looked like Victoria's Secret models. What I always wonder is whether they'd be willing to give me the time of day if they were Victoria's Secret models. If they wouldn't, then that's one more piece of evidence that they really aren't right for me.
Thanks,
Bill