If the equation for women were that looks equals power, then I would think that powerful women would seem more attractive. For me, that's not the case. I'd much prefer an attractive woman who doesn't have any particular kind of power to an attractive woman who is in some position of power. Properly used, power means having many demands on one's time, and I'd rather have someone who can focus more on the relationship.
Are you saying that women want the most powerful man that they can catch? If a woman had a chance at someone who could be president, would she go after that man over an equally attractive, equally intelligent man who did not have the political skills to reach political office?
I understand your annoyance with guys who say "I wish my girlfriend were like you," but I also believe that chemistry is hard to quantify in a way that would suggest that the trade between looks and personality is that simple. I've occasionally run into women who wish that their boyfriends or husbands had some quality that I have. It's nice that they appreciate that quality, but I realize that the overall package of who I am isn't enough to catch their hearts. The situation is frustrating, but if the feelings aren't there, then the feelings aren't there. Only two things really make me angry at them. The first is when they reject someone like me and end up with someone who abuses them. The second is when they reject someone like me in order to have kids for some other guy and then come back after the divorce and think that I should take care of them and their kids.
Over the past five or so years, I've run into a couple of women who at first seemed to fit the "if only I felt more attraction to you" pattern. As I've gotten to know them better, I've realized that they wouldn't be right for me even if they looked like Victoria's Secret models. What I always wonder is whether they'd be willing to give me the time of day if they were Victoria's Secret models. If they wouldn't, then that's one more piece of evidence that they really aren't right for me.
Thanks,
Bill
Your comments about women and power are what I have observed. I didn’t mean to say that men liked women with power. I meant to say that a woman’s power was her looks, i.e., that men look primarily for a good looking woman. Very few men care about whether a woman has a high-ranking position and in fact many prefer that she does not. A woman with the type of power traditionally associated with men (brains, status, rank) is often UNattractive to men.
You ask whether a woman would want someone who can be President. I think for a lot of women the answer is yes. For some, this would be compatible with their goals. For others, they are naive and don’t realize what type of relationship that would imply. Most who really think about it wouldn’t want a man with quite that much power because they would realize that he would not be, in your words, “someone who can focus more on the relationship.”
Also, I believe power is different for different women. For some, it is intellectual power, some go for fame, some for social status, some for the biggest guy with the most physical strength, some for the guy who dominates the conversation. All of these characterstics are relative. I’ve seen women who go for the highest ranking guy in the company, but as soon as they are working at a different company, their preference changes to the highest ranking guy at the new company.
Fortunately, we all value different things, and it’s not just a single trait but a combination. If my point about power were strictly true, then George Bush and Bill Gates would be two of the very few desirable men. Obviously that’s not the case.
I appreciate your point about women who fall for abusive men. I know a lot of decent guys who see this and are angered by it. I don’t blame them. Actually, I find it infuriating as well. The flip side for women is the guy who puts up with a woman who treats him like dirt, strings him along, orders him around like a servant. Those of us who are considerate of others and looking for a balanced relationship don’t understand why a guy would put up with that no matter how good looking the woman is.
Of course nothing is as simplistic as these generalizations describe, and obviously there are exceptions too numerous to mention.
Thanks for your post.