Did the earth mooove for you? (Teenager disrespects cow at 4:30 AM)

The Sun (U.K.) ^ | July 6, 2007 | ROBIN PERRIE

[Stoat]

Did the earth mooove for you?

 

 
Blondie ... identity protected and, inset, Richard, who has herd it all now

 

By ROBIN PERRIE
July 06, 2007
 
 

 

 
COPS rushed to a farm to put a kinky teenager udder arrest — after he was seen romping with a COW.

 

A shocked passer-by rang 999 after seeing the youth — wearing only black briefs — having sex with the steer at 4.30am.

By the time officers arrived he had fled but night-time patrols are on the alert in case he strikes again.

Farmer Richard Parish was stunned to hear what had happened to the cow, one of three rare English longhorns in the field.

Specialist breeder Richard, 39, even thinks he knows which of them was the victim — a looker named Blondie who is the FRIENDLIEST.

He said: “English longhorns are lovely animals — but not that lovely. My mates are having a right laugh and milking it for all it is worth.”

The teenager was scared off when the passer-by shouted at him at Richard’s farm in Skipwith, North Yorks. Locals in the tiny village, which has a population of less than 300, are certain he was not from the area.

Richard thinks the attacker may even have “wooed” Blondie with grub because a feed bucket had mysteriously moved from time to time.

He added: “I have got to be much more vigilant. The cows don’t seem to be spending so much time outside and are happier inside the barn at night.”

Fellow farmer Alan Patrick said: “I can’t believe it.”

Police said: “We are treating this matter seriously.”

[NRA2BFree]

The author of this article must be a city slicker. Cows are female, steers are male. Since her name is Blondie, we know it’s a cow. What we don’t know is if it was consensual, and if it was, what did he promise her? LOL!

[expatguy]

The ONLY question that matters is not answered.

WAS IT CONSENSUAL ?

An American Expat in Southeast Asia

[Caipirabob]

Continuing problem with moo-slims?

[MarkL]

A steer, huh?

Just wondering... Did a nearby video shop get a copy of “Clerks 2” in recently?

“Hey! That’s ‘Interspecies Erotica!’”

Mark

[Tench_Coxe]

[EBH]

I thought the same thing when I read it.

Steer....or cow.....makes an udder difference in all the puns!

[bajabaja]

Do you have a storehouse of these pictures to pull from when such stories come along? (There are three cow-related pictures from you in this thread.) Apart from being side-splitting, they have me worried about you.

[camle]

Ah! Great Britain...
where men are men, and sheep are nervous!

Bring on in da sheep
Bring on in da sheep
We shall come rejoicing
Bring on in da sheep!

[Gorzaloon]

What we don’t know is if it was consensual, and if it was, what did he promise her? LOL!

The feed bucket had been moved around. Obviously it was a dinner date.

The front page of our local paper carried a similar story two days ago. A barn had been broken into repeatedly, but nothing was ever stolen. They put in an infrared motion triggered camera.

An 18 year old local was stopping in at 3 AM for "conjugal visits" with a sheep.

They identified him in the paper, so he will be having an interesting life around town.

Given some of the attitudes of some contemporary single womyn, we will probably be seeing a lot more of this..Though if he were a gentleman, he would have bought his own...or at least brought some lettuce.

[Gorzaloon]

I wonder if this sort of thing is more common in the UK. ... At one point in the book he is describing how he visited a court in Cardiff with his actor friend Wilfrid Hyde White, and he says: "Wilfrid .. was greatly surprised at the number of cases on the calendar dealing with the public's overfondness for sheep."

Probably just crimes of opportunity. There are SO MANY sheep there. More dating candidates for the lovelorn, more lonely dark misty evenings...

Plus I think it would take someone with delusions of grandeur to date a cow, who would probably blink, yawn, and ignore him.

[xJones]

"Wilfrid .. was greatly surprised at the number of cases on the calendar dealing with the public's overfondness for sheep."

Classic line: "Honest, your honor, I was only helping that sheep get over the fence."

[Liberty Valance]

[xJones]

I couldn’t agree with you more.

[festus]

I hope, at least, the cow got dinner and a movie first.

Having a bit of knowledge about farm animals and not to quibble but its important to note that it was a steer. It was a male. Is it worse if you are having homo relations with cattle versus hetero ? LOL ......

Gives new meaning to animal husbandry sorta.

And I'm not sure if it helps or hurts his case but the steer is an emasculated male at that. Even among the bestiality folks this guy's into freaks............

Just put him in a red shirt and toss him in with the nearest mean bull I say.

[indcons]

The teenager is unnamed. Was Algore III in the vicinity when this dastardly crime occured?

[VRWCmember]

He strikes me as the type of fellow who wouldn’t even show the courtesy of a reach-around.

[Xenalyte]

That’s a hilarious book, btw!

[vetvetdoug]

This tale could be told from Texas to the Carolinas daily. Now we know the perp is not familiar with too many barnyard animals because most rural redneck sickos prefer a sow in heat.

[L98Fiero]

There used to be this retarded guy in my town who would carry a milk crate over the levee with him. When we were kids would see him walking with that milk crate every now and again and wonder what the deal was. Well, we found out when he got busted standing on the milk crate and lovin’ up a cow.

[Sloth]

Was it a cow or a steer? How else can we determine the perp’s orientation?