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Americans Now Too Stupid To Name Own Children
Gawker.com ^ | 6/27/07 | Staff

Posted on 06/27/2007 7:56:35 AM PDT by Millee

Self-obsessed parents-to-be have one more thing to worry about: What to name the little testament to themselves once Mommy poops it out. You don't want your little angel to be like every other Madison in her class. The solution? Baby-naming consultants.

Last fall, John Bentham, 36, a Las Vegas theater producer, and his wife, Shannon, 29, who runs a nonprofit foundation, says they felt "enormous pressure" to find a strong-sounding boy name. "I wanted a name that would look good on a marquee or a political banner," Mrs. Bentham says. Though they had agreed on the letter "j," none of the names they came up with -- Jude, Julian, Jake, Jason, or John Jr. -- seemed original enough. They hired Ms. Walker and Mr. Reyes, who produced an 11-page list of possibilities, including Jackson. In March, the Benthams welcomed little Jackson Dean into the world.

Walker and Reyes are a couple who offer "name consultations and workshops," and charge you fifty dollars a pop to help make sure that your Paolo isn't some pedestrian Paul. One California woman dropped nearly $500 to have a numerologist make sure the name she chose had "positive associations." Parents of America, we implore you: Save your money for the nursing home you're going to need when your offspring, bitter about a lifetime of "Anderson"ness, refuses to take you in during your declining years.


TOPICS: Weird Stuff
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I gotta get in on this racquet!!
1 posted on 06/27/2007 7:56:36 AM PDT by Millee
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To: Millee

I could make a living between this and selling carbon offsets.


2 posted on 06/27/2007 7:59:18 AM PDT by BipolarBob (Yes I backed over the vampire, but I swear I didn't see it in my rear view mirror.)
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To: Millee
"I gotta get in on this racquet!!"

Here you go...


3 posted on 06/27/2007 8:00:27 AM PDT by indcons (Islamic Religious Services Will Be Held at the Firing Range At 0800 Daily.)
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To: Millee

“says they felt “enormous pressure” to find a strong-sounding boy name”
How about Thor?


4 posted on 06/27/2007 8:00:29 AM PDT by Holicheese (Zap Razdowler Rules!)
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To: Millee
Though they had agreed on the letter "j," none of the names they came up with -- Jude, Julian, Jake, Jason, or John Jr. -- seemed original enough.

Jaghoff?

5 posted on 06/27/2007 8:00:56 AM PDT by theDentist (Qwerty ergo typo : I type, therefore I misspelll.)
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To: Millee
If you want a strong, powerful, masculine name, you can't do any better than Gaylord.

Owl_Eagle

If what I just wrote made you sad or angry,
it was probably just a joke.

6 posted on 06/27/2007 8:01:12 AM PDT by End Times Sentinel (In Memory of my Dear Friend Henry Lee II)
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To: Millee
In March, the Benthams welcomed little Jackson Dean into the world.

Jackson is a last name, not a first name.

7 posted on 06/27/2007 8:01:39 AM PDT by dfwgator (The University of Florida - Still Championship U)
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To: Millee

Jackson fails my test. A name must be appropriate for every stage of life: baby, toddler, child, teen, young adult, adult, and elderly.

I cringe when I think that 60 years from now we are going to hear “Time to take your pills Brittney” from every nursing home.

What is wrong with “Jack” or “James” or even “Julius” for crying out loud? Why does every name have to be “unique”?


8 posted on 06/27/2007 8:02:33 AM PDT by Anitius Severinus Boethius
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To: Holicheese
“says they felt “enormous pressure” to find a strong-sounding boy name” How about Thor?

So when he goes to San Francisco, when he says, "I'm Thor," every guy will answer, "I'm 'Thor' too."

9 posted on 06/27/2007 8:03:10 AM PDT by dfwgator (The University of Florida - Still Championship U)
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To: dfwgator

So would C3PO be out?


10 posted on 06/27/2007 8:04:31 AM PDT by getmeouttaPalmBeachCounty_FL (****************************Stop Continental Drift**)
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To: Millee
What to name the little testament to themselves once Mommy poops it out.

"Poops it out? Um, I didn't realize you could get pregnant having sex that way."


11 posted on 06/27/2007 8:04:50 AM PDT by jdm
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To: Millee

No Kidding! I should let my wife know she helped find our Daughters name Eara (E - Are - uh ) an old Irish name which means ‘from the east’ Im Irish my wife is from the east.


12 posted on 06/27/2007 8:06:00 AM PDT by N3WBI3 (Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak....)
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To: Millee

Um, baby name books? They have ones that have 100,000 names in for 8 bucks at Barnes and Nobles. Why pay for a “naming consultant” to give you a list of names?


13 posted on 06/27/2007 8:06:18 AM PDT by JenB
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To: Millee

“”I wanted a name that would look good on a marquee or a political banner,””

Pathetic..


14 posted on 06/27/2007 8:06:38 AM PDT by N3WBI3 (Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak....)
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To: dfwgator
Jackson is a last name, not a first name.

It is at my house ...

15 posted on 06/27/2007 8:06:46 AM PDT by TexGuy
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To: Holicheese

hhhahahhaa....KONG.


16 posted on 06/27/2007 8:08:00 AM PDT by Hi Heels (Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.)
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To: Millee

I avoided the issue and got a dog instead. His name is “Joe”.


17 posted on 06/27/2007 8:08:32 AM PDT by Thrownatbirth (.....when the sidewalks are safe for the little guy.)
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To: Owl_Eagle

18 posted on 06/27/2007 8:08:41 AM PDT by Chanticleer (Courage is not simply one of the virtues but the form of every virtue at the testing point. Lewis)
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To: Millee

Just call them all “snot nose” til they are fifteen....That will be $500 dollars please....


19 posted on 06/27/2007 8:08:48 AM PDT by AngelesCrestHighway
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To: Millee

J?

I don’t know how about James or John. Keep it simple, stoopids.


20 posted on 06/27/2007 8:09:13 AM PDT by mattdono (150 Million bloodthirsty Arabs vs. 4.8 Million Jewish Israelis. That's not fair. [Off Sarcasm])
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