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I don't know whether there will be any energy around this thread. For all I know, some people will be offended that I've posted it and have it removed immediately. I hope to do other things today, so I may not participate very much. I do think that these questions could be interesting gauges of how we look at getting to where we want to be or at least how we find the lesser of evils.

I'll bite! I'm happily monogamous for 21+ years, but I see one major flaw that surrounds these questions:

That is, assuming that happiness requires another person. In fact, if someone is a less than happy person, the odds are that even with a sig other they still won't be happy.

I like your post, WFTR, thanks. To answer the first question, I am nurturing my own happy life, regardless of whether or not a partner is in the cards, and learning to be of service to others in healthy ways. Although I made a lot of financial/emotional mistakes in my 20's, so far my 30's have been awesome because I paid off my debt (at 29), bought a house (31), develop my professional skills and career, maintained my long-term friendships, became willing to work on painful family relationships, and - learned how to eat very healthy, exercise every day and seek God's will rather than running with my own impulses (which my 20's revealed were not beneficial). So if I do meet someone special, it would be sprinkles on my already sweet life; my happiness is not dependent on another person.

I would like to find a partner to share this life with, but cannot let Valentine's (or holidays or events, etc.) become a downer. I worked at a radio station for a few years and very bitter, wounded people would call in on Father's Day, Mother's Day, Valentine's, Christmas (I'd work the odd shifts, usually late-nite) and it was evident that hanging on to resentments is disastrous to attitude, health and attracting friends or a mate. [my $0.02]

To answer your later questions, I'd have to say making plans with friends and hanging out with my dog and two cats are how I handle the holidays, Valentine's day, etc. I've spent depressing, bummer holidays alone in the past and basically learned that I had to anticipate and make plans so that I'm not alone and super-lonely. While I can't say I "hate" being single, I also become painfully aware of it sometimes but have learned that I don't have to isolate and be bummed (hanging out with my own bummed-out self has never proven to enhance the loneliness!); I can make plans with friends or babysit or invite other single friends over, etc.

I never enjoyed being single either. Being alone can be depressing, sad and there are times you feel hopeless. As for preparing for a relationship, I do not know what to do, since I do not have any experience in this game. Just play it by ear, IF it happens.

As you've come to believe that you won't find a long-term romantic relationship, what changes have you made to reflect this new strategy on life?

I don't really have any strategy for that either. I just write my novel as usual.

As you've come to believe that you won't find a long-term romantic relationship, what changes have you made to reflect this new strategy on life?

I haven't had to make any changes my default personality setting is for this state. Attempts to alter this default setting is what made me miserable I simply cannot fake it long enough to snag someone and even if I could they'd wise up eventually and trade for a better model.I find myself much happier alone and fortunately most those around me see it as well though there are the few relatives that take it upon themselves to try to intervene but their efforts die as quickly as my own did. No great loss.

First, let me say I am sorry you are bummin. I hope by next year this time, you have found what you are looking for.

Having said that, I have been married for seven years to a person who is a perfect fit for me. I found him quite by accident, through work, and I wasn't looking at all. I was lucky, but I would be happy if I were single, as well. There are really great things about both situations, and there are really sucky things about both, too.

I think when you focus too much on what might be or what you don't have, you not only become depressed/angry/bitter about it, you just might push away the person you are looking for.

I have a sibling who always wanted to grow up and get married. And as soon as she was 18, that is exactly what she did. She is now on her fourth marriage, and is still not happy. She always wanted to be married, but marriage never makes her happy. The grass is always greener on the other side of her fence.

Relax. Buy the land. Live your life in a way that makes you happy right now. And I bet, in that process, you will be surprised by who you meet.

I spent the first 30 or so years of my adult life always looking and hoping for that special someone, going through some horrible relationships in that process and one miserable failed marriage. I am probably considerably older than many here, but I finally realized that, as FrouFrou said, I am responsible for my own happiness, and that no other person can make me happy if I am not happy with myself. It was not an easy change to make. Sometimes I think females are not conditioned to think in that way, or at least weren't conditioned to think in that way when I was of impressionable age.

This sounds quite Pollyanish, but I wake up every morning determined to be happy, and 9 times out of 10, I am.