Replies

There's nothing in the basic questions that requires anyone to assume that happiness depends on another person. I spoke about my own dislike of singleness in large part because I want this thread to be a place where people who hate being single can express that feeling. I realize that putting these thoughts around the questions can lead to that assumption, but I'd like the discussion to be able to go either way. Yes, I hate being single and will always hate being single. That fact doesn't have to be the focus of the thread.

If you're still willing to bite on these questions, what do you think about the questions themselves? You've been happily monogamous for 21+ years. What did you do before meeting your spouse to prepare yourself for this relationship? What do you wish you had done? What did you do that you wish you hadn't done?

I don't what to raise the hypothetical of your being without your spouse, but can you shift to some other singleness hypothetical? If you were single and came to realize that you weren't likely to find someone, how would that change your strategies?

As an example of the second question, I'll give one of my own changes in strategy. Since realizing that I'm not likely to find someone, I've begun thinking about trying to buy land where I can retire. True bargain land isn't a bad use of money anytime, but I'd like to consider more than just price. If I still believed that I would marry someday, I'd probably hold off on these kinds of purchases. I'd rather have the money available to make this kind of big financial decision an "our" decision with my spouse instead of a "my" decision. However, if I don't believe that I'll find someone, the best path forward may be to look for the land now and buy something if I like it. If I thought that two people would live there someday, I should consider the other person. If I'll be there alone, there's no need to consider another person's desires.

Bill