I like your post, WFTR, thanks. To answer the first question, I am nurturing my own happy life, regardless of whether or not a partner is in the cards, and learning to be of service to others in healthy ways. Although I made a lot of financial/emotional mistakes in my 20's, so far my 30's have been awesome because I paid off my debt (at 29), bought a house (31), develop my professional skills and career, maintained my long-term friendships, became willing to work on painful family relationships, and - learned how to eat very healthy, exercise every day and seek God's will rather than running with my own impulses (which my 20's revealed were not beneficial). So if I do meet someone special, it would be sprinkles on my already sweet life; my happiness is not dependent on another person.
I would like to find a partner to share this life with, but cannot let Valentine's (or holidays or events, etc.) become a downer. I worked at a radio station for a few years and very bitter, wounded people would call in on Father's Day, Mother's Day, Valentine's, Christmas (I'd work the odd shifts, usually late-nite) and it was evident that hanging on to resentments is disastrous to attitude, health and attracting friends or a mate. [my $0.02]
Monica, you gave some very good insights.
"You've been happily monogamous for 21+ years. What did you do before meeting your spouse to prepare yourself for this relationship?"
Failed at two other marriages, picked myself up, finished college as a single parent.
"What do you wish you had done?"
Wish I had skipped hub #2 altogether.
"What did you do that you wish you hadn't done?"
Retaliate. It sinks you to the low level of another person and compromises your personal integrity.
"If you were single and came to realize that you weren't likely to find someone, how would that change your strategies?"
In a way, this question isn't fair to all personalities. It is easier for 'people' people to meet other people. Persons who are bookish or timid don't meet other people as easily. Guess which kind I am?
Seriously, how do you know you're not happy being single unless you've been married before? Why would you buy land without plans to build? Why wouldn't you trust your judgment enough that your choices would actually delight a lady somewhere down the road?
Often "experts" are biggest idiots of all, but one area where they seem to be getting things right is discussion of the need to avoid debt. I didn't want to lead things in that direction too quickly or in a contrived way, but I am glad to see that comment in the early responses. Learning that one must produce more than he/she consumes is one of those basic facts of life that everyone is learning too late these days. Younger people, both adults and minors, today are more technologically advanced than at any time in history, but we seem to have lost this basic wisdom.
For me, fitness has been a problem. When I believed that I would someday find someone, taking good care of myself was pretty easy. As I look at a life alone, I'm less inclined to turn down that unhealthy snack that will make me feel good. I agree that fitness is a good step in preparation either for being single or finding the right partner. If we're making lists, exercise and a reasonable diet should be on both lists.
The family relationships issue is interesting as well. My family has pretty much been down to two generations for several years. Only one great-aunt of my grandparents' generation is still alive, and she's always been too far away to remain in contact. My folks are still alive, but no one of my generation has had any kids yet. (That may change soon, but for now, let's assume that there won't be any little ones.) As I've realized that I'm not likely to be a father, I've thought a bit about trying to build relationships with more distant cousins who might have kids. In part, there are a few family pieces that I wouldn't mind passing down someday to a family member. I'm not good at that kind of relationship-building, but I think it could be a worthwhile part of finding a path forward for people who aren't likely to find a partner.
Bill