Posted on 10/27/2006 11:31:40 AM PDT by gobucks
Recently, my wife gave birth to our daughter. We used the Bradley Method: natural childbirth, no meds, no epidural, no pitocin. In a way, childbirth is like flying....
On a recent thread, I gave a brief birth story, designed to encourage other parents considering Bradley. But here, my aim is simple: a few words to convict the hearts of cowardly men who are unwilling to help their wives, and instead, weakly lean on medications to get them through the 'trauma' of childbirth. Yes, guys, exclusively, are the source of the epidural problem.
One could argue on and on that a woman is the one who has to bear the pain, the agony, of the contractions. That for men to even discuss this subject is silly at best, arrogantly patriarchal and insensitive in the worse direction.
But hear me: for a man to back down from the reality of the childbirth he initated is folly. Epidurals, pain meds, drugs, laughing gas ... whatever. Most of these 'interventions' are designed to perfectly numb the transformative experience childbirth is supposed to be. On the surface, of course, the doctors and hospitals want to minimize the 'pain' of childbirth - which they think will maximize the 'joy'.
But the truth is plainer. While the pain is muted, yes, the joy is muted far more. True, the child to mother bonding experience doesn't depend too much upon how many meds are involved.
But, Natural childbirth is about bonding, not just child to mother, but father to child and, more importantly, husband to wife (as the norm). Eagerly sought out epidural-childbirth, however, is a message from the Father to his family: "I don't have what it takes for the childbirth, and chances are good that pattern will remain henceforth regarding fatherhood and husbandry".
Natural childbirth is hard to pull off without the Dad being there, being supportive, being strong. And the fact is clear that if the Dad starts out in a mode of being supportive to the extent required by the Bradley method, then by implication, the coming years will show a Dad whose manhood supports a degree of Fathering that is beyond effective written description, to say nothing of the husbandry!
Of course, some Mothers reading this would argue that cutting out Dad is the idea all along, and a darn good idea. But these words are not for them...
These words are for those few guys out there who suspect deep in their hearts that there has got to be something more to living besides serial guy-driven exploits....
There is more to life than making 'mom' happy, indeed. Guys, another way to say this is: God didn't create you to be a life-support-system for a sperm donation machine, that coincidentally also brings home a paycheck. Husbandry is a noble calling, and stuffing your ears to avoid the calls is what boys, by default, do.
Stand up, and be MEN, you boys encased in the bodies of MEN. Stand up, unstuff your ears, and be the man your children can look up to.
One could argue that Epidural Nation, which is known as the USA, and the door mat that was once known as the WTC towers, have no connection to each other. But the men who flew those planes had no fear of us - and why not?
The kind of Men who fear the pain of helping their wives through the pain of childbirth are the kind of American Guys the hijackers evaluated as they planned their way to 9-11. The American Guys who, as a rule, were not, and still are not, man enough to inflict the kind of pain that SHOULD HAVE deterred the WTC attacks from the start. The kind of guys, for example, who empathize deeply with the 'struggles' guys like Bill Clinton endure.
For me, this has been the nagging question all along: what did those supposedly crazy men in the planes perceive was missing in the average heart of the "American Man"?
What did they witness that was missing such that these Arabic men had no fear of us, no fear for their homelands, no fear for their families, and felt free, felt bold enough, to attack us, the strongest nation the world has ever seen?
In short, just WHERE is the starting point for an 'American Man'? Why, the the birthing rooms of our nation of course - and who, I ask, is missing from these rooms?
American MEN are missing.
Good, loving, supportive guys are now present in the millions .... but they are chicken-hearted, and lazy, eager to get back to their dens, Lazy Boys, and remote controls. It is, indeed, football season, and Tressel's men are doing a great job.
But the football watchers? Those guys are setting a bad example, and they are making us more vulnerable, not less, to the attacks we have seen up to now.
The Epidurals are not the problem - the guys who lean on them are the problem. Men are the solution.
Stand up Men - and enter the birthing room as a man. Our Future Men depend on it.
Didn't you say once that your wife gets really argumentative when you have too many of those? Or am I thinking of Gin instead?
Anywah, our son had apparently done acrobatics in the womb, and tangled the umbilical cord. So my wife had to have a C-section... Oh, and they numbed her up first.
Toss in kidney stones, hangnail removal, lasix, laporoscopic procedures, stitches, broken bones and bee stings etc.
Oh, and no aspirin, tylenol, aleive for headaches, muscle sprains, etc.
Pain is our friend!
Holy smokes.. TEN POUNDS??? God Bless you. Mine were both around 8 pounds and that was more than big enough for me.
MM
All I ask is that you stop writing these childbirth without drugs is wonderful articles and have MRS. Gobucks put her words on paper.
Even better, let her do it when you aren't around and post it without you reading it first.
I'm willing to bet my Grannies chamber pot that while she goes along with it, some things aren't as blissful as you make out.
I salute you. :-)
My wife had our second all natural about six months ago. No issues.
57 minutes of labor, I delivered the baby and was part of the experience; she was fine and walking around two hours later.
Had we followed the 'directives' of the medical establishment, I would have watched, my wife would have been miserable, and it surely would have taken longer with a higher probability of a C-section.
Labor and delivery is big money in America.
Good luck!
I have a co-worker who had 3, all in the 9 to 10 pound range.
Even with an epi at the end of each delivery, she refused to go for #4.
Hats off too you dear!
when the fetal monitor showed our first child experiencing stress, all notions of natural childbirth went out the window. C-section was the only option. Had a similar situation occurred 20 years before, it's unlikely she or I would have survived.
Nearly 25 years later we have a beautiful daughter with a good heart and good head on her shoulders who, while independent, is close to her parents and siblings.
As lovely a bonding experience as natural childbirth may be, it's the following years that ultimately count. Enjoy every minute with your new baby.
My husband has said he doesn't feel like he does anything when I am having a baby. But, I can't think of him not being there. He is the one who whispers in my ear during contractions (my midwife thought this was romantic. she didn't realize he was making jokes to make me laugh.)and massages me when needed. He also knows when not to touch me. I only had pain killers once (stadall. it took the edge off so I could rest a little, but I could still feel everything.) The idea of a huge needle in my back is worse to me than any pain from childbirth.
He is our fourth (now 12) and he looked like a three month old when he was born (had a full, and I mean full...think the Suri Cruise photos, head of hair.) The newborn Pampers did not have to be 'rolled down' for his ambilical cord (now they have cut outs but back then they would roll the diaper down in the front); and the little cap kept rolling up and off of his head. He was, as his (then) 8 year old sister said 'ginormous.' Had cracked ribs from his delivery...
Most men feel that attending a few birthing classes with their wives is enough. They will never understand how important it is for a woman enduring childbirth to have a loving, supportive man at her side.
Making across-the-board recommendations, based solely on your individual (vicarious) experience, particularly in such a sensitive and widely varied realm, will...
...most likely get you soundly verbally thrashed...
IMHO, of course.
YMMV.
LOL!
Due to circumstances beyond his control my husband wasn't present in the birthing room for my first child. It was probably fortunate for him, as I kicked a doctor and slapped a nurse and if he had been hovering over me cooing and telling me to breath he probably would have suffered the same fate. I didn't want anyone but my mother near me anyway. I guess that means I lose points as a mother, too, because I didn't want my husband hovering between my legs and oohing and ahhing when his child was born. It's a wonder our daughter has made it so far in life because her parents didn't 'enjoy' the wonder of her birth together, but I really don't think it would be possible for her and her father to have any stronger bond.
(Private to GoBucks) Tell 'em that Mary had no need for 'pain relief' when she gave birth to the baby Jesus. If going 'natural' was good enough for our Blessed Lady then it is good enough for any woman.
Hehe...you mean right now?
Well, I'll tell you what...when I give birth to the Savior himself, I'll go it "natural" too...but, until then, someone better damn well have an epidural waiting for me.
MM
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