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Firm Rules for Living With a Dog AND Strict House Rules for Stray Cats
Chron Watch ^ | 10/16/06

Posted on 10/16/2006 12:08:33 PM PDT by areafiftyone

 Rules for Living With a Dog

1.   Dogs are never permitted in the house.  The dog stays outside in a
specially built wooden compartment named, for very good reason, the dog house.

2.   Okay, the dog can enter the house, but only for short visits or if
his own house is under renovation.

3.   Okay, the dog can stay in the house on a permanent basis, provided his dog house can be sold in a yard sale to a rookie dog owner.

4.   Inside the house, the dog is not allowed to run free and is confined
to a comfortable but secure metal cage.

5.   Okay, the cage becomes part of a two-for-one deal along with the dog house in the yard sale, and the dog can go wherever he pleases.

6.   The dog is never allowed on the furniture.

7.   Okay, the dog can get on the old furniture but not the new
furniture.

8.   Okay, the dog can get up on the new furniture until it looks like
the old furniture and then we'll sell the whole works and buy new
furniture...upon which the dog will most definitely not be allowed.

9.    The dog never sleeps on the bed.  Period.

10.  Okay, the dog can sleep at the foot of the bed.

11.  Okay, the dog can sleep alongside of me, but he's not allowed under the covers.

12.  Okay, the dog can sleep under the covers but not with his head on
the pillow.

13.  Okay, the dog can sleep alongside of me under the covers with his
head on the pillow, but if he snores he's got to leave the room.

14.  Okay, the dog can sleep and snore and have nightmares in bed, but he's not to come in and sleep on the couch in the TV room, where I'm now sleeping.  That's just not fair.

15.   The dog never gets listed on the census questionnaire as ''primary
resident,'' even if it's true.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Strict House Rules for Stray Cats

 Strict House Rules for Stray Cats

1. Stray cats will not be fed at this house, and are not to come inside for any reason.

2. Okay, the stray cat can hang around outside but will not be fed anything except dry cat food.

3. Okay, the stray cat will not be fed anything except dry cat food
moistened with a little milk.

4. Okay, the stray cat will not be fed anything except dry cat food
moistened with warm milk, yummy treats, and leftover fish scraps.

5. The stray cat will not be encouraged to make this house its permanent residence, and must stay outside and will not be petted, played with, or picked up and cuddled unnecessarily.

(It starts to rain.  Stray cat is now looking in the window with a pitiful
expression.)

6.  Okay, the stray cat can come inside but must stay in the sunroom and off the furniture.

7. Okay, the stray cat that is in the sunroom can be petted, played with, picked up and cuddled but will absolutely not be given a name.

(Having canvassed the neighborhood, finding no one to claim the stray cat…)

10. The stray cat will be allowed to visit all the rooms of the house, but
will not be permitted to jump up on or sharpen its claws on the furniture.

11. Okay, the stray cat will not be permitted to jump up on, or sharpen claws on the really good furniture.

12. Okay, the stray cat will be permitted on all furniture but must sharpen claws on new $114.99 sisal-rope cat-scratching post with three perches and must leave the dog alone.

13.  Okay, the stray cat can sharpen it’s claws on the furniture and pester the dog, but must answer the call of nature outdoors in the sand.

14. Okay, the stray cat will answer the call of nature in the three-piece,
high-impact plastic tray filled with Fresh'n'Sweet kitty litter in the
sunroom.

15. Okay, the stray cat will answer the call of nature in the hooded litter pan with a three-panel privacy screen and plenty of head room, because the dog retaliated for the cat’s attacks by turning over the plastic tray and liberally applying kitty-litter to an entire floor in the house.

16. The stray cat can sleep in the house, but will sleep in a cardboard box lined with an old blanket.

17. Okay, the stray cat will sleep in the special Kitty-Komfort-Bed with non-allergenic lambs wool pillow.  But under no circumstances will the stray cat be allowed to sleep in our bed.

18. Okay, the stray cat will be allowed to sleep on our bed, but must stay at the foot and not under the covers.

19. Okay, the stray cat may sleep in our bed under the covers but must stay at the foot, and away from the dog.

20.  Okay, the cat and dog can both sleep anywhere they want as long as they stop getting everyone in the house out of bed at regular intervals every night.

21.  Okay, the cat can sleep anywhere it wants, but the dog has to sleep in the sunroom!


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: catrules; doggieping
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To: cdbear

LOL It never works!


61 posted on 10/17/2006 7:59:41 AM PDT by areafiftyone (Politicians Are Like Diapers - Both Need To Be Changed Often And For The Same Reason)
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To: DugwayDuke

AWWWW! They say Great Danes are the mushiest Dogs.


62 posted on 10/17/2006 8:01:29 AM PDT by areafiftyone (Politicians Are Like Diapers - Both Need To Be Changed Often And For The Same Reason)
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To: mom4kittys
He's flying! lol

(grin) If you like that one...


63 posted on 10/17/2006 10:48:15 AM PDT by yankeedame ("Oh, I can take it but I'd much rather dish it out.")
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To: yankeedame

Awww, I wuv kitties.


64 posted on 10/17/2006 3:44:23 PM PDT by mom4kittys (If velvet could sing, it would sound like Josh Groban)
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To: areafiftyone

A stray kitten wandered right on to our deck and started playing with the girls. No she's a house cat and we love her!
We were lucky that she was such a healthy kitten and that she wasn't really feral.


65 posted on 10/17/2006 4:02:11 PM PDT by Little Ray (If you want to be a martyr, we want to martyr you.)
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To: Little Ray

Sometimes Strays make the best pets!


66 posted on 10/17/2006 4:15:49 PM PDT by areafiftyone (Politicians Are Like Diapers - Both Need To Be Changed Often And For The Same Reason)
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