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Rules of dating a Drill Instructors daughter!
Unknown

Posted on 09/24/2006 3:38:39 PM PDT by DadOfTwoMarines

Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: ancient; haimusingtehintarweb; old
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Sometimes we just need to have a good laugh...:) Enjoy.

Rules of dating a Drill Instructors daughter...

Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. On issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine

1 posted on 09/24/2006 3:38:40 PM PDT by DadOfTwoMarines
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To: DadOfTwoMarines; SandRat
ROTFLMAO!
Good Post
Thanks for the laugh
2 posted on 09/24/2006 3:42:00 PM PDT by Fiddlstix (Warning! This Is A Subliminal Tagline! Read it at your own risk!(Presented by TagLines R US))
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To: DadOfTwoMarines
LOL!!!

As a father of two girls this makes me laugh.

3 posted on 09/24/2006 3:42:08 PM PDT by Risha
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To: DadOfTwoMarines

R O T F L O L!

It takes a moron, or a young man of considerable character : )


4 posted on 09/24/2006 3:42:39 PM PDT by stephenjohnbanker (Our troops will send all of the worlds terrorists to hell in a handbasket with no virgins!)
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To: DadOfTwoMarines

Love it, but kind of tolerant IMO. :)


5 posted on 09/24/2006 3:42:46 PM PDT by A CA Guy (God Bless America, God bless and keep safe our fighting men and women.)
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To: DadOfTwoMarines
How funny! I'm not a Drill Instructor and these are precisely the rules I have in mind for anyone attempting to date my daughter(s).

Of course, I also plan to be cleaning my firearms any time a prospective date shows up. Plus I've had three close brushes with death (two in the past 30 months), so I'm already a bit twitchy.

6 posted on 09/24/2006 3:44:07 PM PDT by Prime Choice (True Conservatives don't vote for Liberals just because they have an 'R' by their name.)
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To: DadOfTwoMarines

LOLOLOLOL!!!!


7 posted on 09/24/2006 3:44:28 PM PDT by tiredoflaundry ( The kinder we are to terrorists, the harsher we are to their potential victims.)
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To: DadOfTwoMarines
"I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me."
LOL!

"Movies with chainsaws are ok"
the poor drill instructor doesn't know that a movie like that will make his daughter jump into the date's lap!
8 posted on 09/24/2006 3:47:01 PM PDT by verum ago (To the Islamofascists: As long as your beliefs have you live in denial, so shall you die of it.)
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To: DadOfTwoMarines; Cagey; Larry Lucido
My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

LMBO!

Funny post; thanks for the laugh :)

9 posted on 09/24/2006 3:49:47 PM PDT by MotleyGirl70
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To: Fiddlstix
As a father of four daughters and one son, now serving with the 1/3 Marines at K-Bay Hawaii, I find these rules reasonable and well thought out.






Oooorah!
10 posted on 09/24/2006 3:50:56 PM PDT by Mr. Jazzy (God Bless the United States of America and all that defend her hard earned freedom!)
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To: Fiddlstix

What's so funny??

My Oldest thought those WERE and my youngest thinks they still ARE the rules read in a COMMAND VOICE to any boys.


11 posted on 09/24/2006 3:51:32 PM PDT by SandRat (Duty, Honor, Country. What else needs to be said?)
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To: MotleyGirl70
LMBO!

LMBO??????????????????????????????

12 posted on 09/24/2006 3:56:33 PM PDT by Cagey
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To: DadOfTwoMarines

Wishful thinking, LOL, I have friends and relatives who were Marine Corps and Army DI's and they didn't do any better than the rest of us. Daughters are strange and wonderful creatures, it would solve a lot of problems if we resumed the practice of marring them off at 14.


13 posted on 09/24/2006 3:59:34 PM PDT by Little Bill (A 37%'r, a Red Spot on a Blue State, rats are evil.)
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To: DadOfTwoMarines

That looks like the "8 Simple Rules for Dating my Teenage Daughter" with two additons....


14 posted on 09/24/2006 4:15:08 PM PDT by mwyounce
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To: DadOfTwoMarines
Is that clear, numbnuts????


15 posted on 09/24/2006 4:25:22 PM PDT by stm (Katherine Harris for US Senate!)
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To: Prime Choice
Glad to see you back!
16 posted on 09/24/2006 4:38:24 PM PDT by HuntsvilleTxVeteran ("Remember the Alamo, Goliad and WACO, It is Time for a new San Jacinto")
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To: SandRat
LOL! I kinda figured it would be that way in your case. That's why I Pinged you.
J

(Actually I thought you might have something to "add" to the "rules")

17 posted on 09/24/2006 5:05:51 PM PDT by Fiddlstix (Warning! This Is A Subliminal Tagline! Read it at your own risk!(Presented by TagLines R US))
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To: JRandomFreeper

For some reason I thought of you. ;-)


18 posted on 09/24/2006 5:07:50 PM PDT by lysie ("Lowering the price to be paid by aggressors virtually guarantees more aggression." Dr. Sowell)
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To: Cagey
LMBO??????????????????????????????

butt

19 posted on 09/24/2006 5:19:08 PM PDT by Christian4Bush ("Ma'am, you don't have to thank us. You just go beat him for us." Soldier to Irey re: Murtha)
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To: Prime Choice
Of course, I also plan to be cleaning my firearms any time a prospective date shows up.

Won't work with my daughter, unfortunately. Her current boyfriend likes guns.

Sigh.

20 posted on 09/24/2006 5:23:32 PM PDT by Not A Snowbird (Official RKBA Landscaper and Arborist, Duchess of Green Leafy Things)
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