[DadOfTwoMarines]

Sometimes we just need to have a good laugh...:) Enjoy.

Rules of dating a Drill Instructors daughter...

Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. On issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine

[Fiddlstix]

ROTFLMAO!
Good Post
Thanks for the laugh

[Risha]

LOL!!!

As a father of two girls this makes me laugh.

[stephenjohnbanker]

R O T F L O L!

It takes a moron, or a young man of considerable character : )

[A CA Guy]

Love it, but kind of tolerant IMO. :)

[Prime Choice]

How funny! I'm not a Drill Instructor and these are precisely the rules I have in mind for anyone attempting to date my daughter(s).

Of course, I also plan to be cleaning my firearms any time a prospective date shows up. Plus I've had three close brushes with death (two in the past 30 months), so I'm already a bit twitchy.

[tiredoflaundry]

LOLOLOLOL!!!!

[verum ago]

"I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me."
LOL!

"Movies with chainsaws are ok"
the poor drill instructor doesn't know that a movie like that will make his daughter jump into the date's lap!

[MotleyGirl70]

My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

LMBO!

Funny post; thanks for the laugh :)

[Little Bill]

Wishful thinking, LOL, I have friends and relatives who were Marine Corps and Army DI's and they didn't do any better than the rest of us. Daughters are strange and wonderful creatures, it would solve a lot of problems if we resumed the practice of marring them off at 14.

[mwyounce]

That looks like the "8 Simple Rules for Dating my Teenage Daughter" with two additons....

[stm]

Is that clear, numbnuts????

[lysie]

For some reason I thought of you. ;-)

[freedumb2003]

A classic and fabulously funny!

Thanks Dad'O'2! :)

[CMS]

Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

I agree with this one, honking is rude. You should go to the door to pick up your date.

Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

This is a good rule, but exection should be madefor a glance at the dress date is wearing it could be a nice one.

Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

I agree with this clothing should be conservative and tasteful

Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

I agree with this rule, and at the same time if date is over 18 she is old enough to make her own decisions and live with the concequences that come from bad decisions

Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

This rule is dumb. You should talk to the person dating your daughter. You will have tosooner or later if daughter likes him and wants a serious relationship. Heck you should want to find out what kind of person is dating your daughter as sson as possible.

Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

While I agree with the one girl at a time rule, I disagree with the make her cry. make you cry one. Stuff happens in relationships and sometimes it hurts.

Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

This is dumb. I will wait patiently for my date. But you can GFY if you think I'm going to change the oil in your car unless I've been dating your daughter for a while and the father and I have had a chance to talk for a while.

Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Again we can go to place we want to on a date so we can get to know each other. Self-control will beb used at all times.

Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. On issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

This is total BS. You woulddn't do shi* because thats murder. Besides if you don't talk to me (your rule #5) You wouldn't know if I have knives or a CCW on me. Point a gun at me and find my quick draw time and accuracy.

Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine

Again I would escort my date to the door and tell her goodnight and that i enjoyed the night and would like to see her again.


Yes I know this is a set of "joke rules" and is intended as humor and is funny. I'm just putting down how I feel about each rule.

[riverdawg]

I dated the daughter of the post commander at Ft. Monroe (Va.), back in the day. These are a close approximation to the (unspoken but, nevertheless, understood) rules.