Monty Python Bruce Sketch
Posted on 09/08/2006 2:58:35 AM PDT by sully777
More Animal
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ea7MC2ak_fc
A&M shower stall.....
The ORIGINAL Gilligan's Island Theme
http://www.videosift.com/story.php?id=9973
Speaking of flatulence...
http://www.videosift.com/story.php?id=19
Not this crap again!
50
I own this page?
YES!!!!
Steve Martin as The Dentist
http://www.videosift.com/story.php?id=9653
OMG That skit was too funny.
YOMANK
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it.
A man answered, saying "Hello." I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?"
Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right effing number!" and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.
When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits. After hanging up with her I decided to call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an asshole!" and hung up.
I wrote his number down with the word "Asshole" next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, " You're an asshole!" It always cheered me up.
When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic "asshole calling" would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the Verizon company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?"
He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone.
I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!"
One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me.
I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window which included his phone number, so I wrote down the number. A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his number on speed dial) I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole too.
I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?" "Yes, it is", he said.
"Can you tell me where I can see it ?" I asked.
"Yes, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd, in Vancluse. It's a yellow house, and the car's parked right out in front."
"What's your name?" I asked.
"My name is Don Hansen," he said.
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
"I'm home every evening after five."
"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
"Yes?"
"Don, you're an asshole!"
Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial too.
Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.
Then I came up with an idea.
I called Asshole #1.
"Hello."
"You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.)
"Are you still there?" he asked.
"Yeah," I said.
"Stop calling me," he screamed.
"Make me," I said.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"My name is Don Hansen."
"Yeah? Where do you live?"
"Asshole, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse, a yellow house, with my black Beamer parked in front."
He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."
I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole," and hung up.
Then I called Asshole #2. "Hello?" he said.
"Hello, asshole," I said.
He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."
"You'll what?" I said.
"I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed.
I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.
Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down on Mowbray Blvd. Vancluse.
I quickly got into my car and headed over to Mowbray. I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead police Helicopter and a news crew.
NOW I feel much better. Anger management really works...
Narrator: "Now it's time for silly songs with Larry.
The part of the show where Larry comes out and sings a silly song.
Our curtain opens as Larry, having just finished his morning
bath, is searching for his hairbrush. Having no success, Larry cries out..."
Larry: "Oh, where is my hairbrush? Oh where is my hairbrush? Oh, where,
oh, where, oh, where, oh, where, oh, where, oh, where, oh, where, oh,
where oh, where ... is my hairbrush?"
Narrator: "Having heard his cry, Pa Grape enters the scene. Shocked and
slightly embarrassed at the sight of Larry in a towel, Pa regains his
composure and reports ..."
Pa: "I think I saw a hairbrush back there!"
Larry: "Back there is my hairbrush. Back there is my hairbrush. Back
there, back there, oh, where, back there, oh, where, oh, where, back
there, back there, back there ... is my hairbrush!"
Narrator: "Having heard his joyous proclamation, Junior Asparagus enters
the scene. Shocked and slightly embarrassed at the sight of Larry in a
towel, Junior regains his composure and comments ..."
Junior: "Why do you need a hairbrush? You don't have any hair!"
Narrator: "Larry is taken aback. The thought had never occured to him.
No hair? What would this mean? What will become of him? What will become
of his hairbrush? Larry wonders ..."
Larry: "No hair for my hairbrush. No hair for my hairbrush. No hair, no
hair, no where, no hair, no hair, no hair, no where, back there, no hair
.. for my hairbrush!"
Narrator: "Having heard his wonderings, Bob the Tomato enters the scene.
Shocked and slightly embarrassed at the sight of Larry in a towel, Bob
regains his composure and confesses ..."
Bob: "Larry, that old hairbrush of yours ... Well, you never use it, you
don't really need it. So, well, I'm sorry ... I didn't know. But I gave
it to the Peach - 'cause he's got hair!"
Narrator: "Feeling a deep sense of loss, Larry stumbles back and laments..."
Larry: "Not fair for my hairbrush. Not fair! My poor hairbrush. Not
fair, not fair, no hair, not fair, no where, no hair, not fair, not
fair, not fair! My little hairbrush!"
Narrator: "Having heard his lament, the Peach enters the scene. Himself
in a towel, both Larry and the Peach are shocked and slightly
embarrassed at the sight of...each other. But recognizing Larry's
generosity, the Peach is thankful ..."
Peach: "Thanks for the hairbrush."
Narrator: "Yes, good has been done here. The Peach exits the scene.
Larry smiles, but, still feeling an emotional attachment for the
hairbrush, calls out ..."
Larry: "Take care of my hairbrush. Take care, oh my hairbrush. Take
care, take care, don't dare not care, take care, nice hair, no fair, take care, take care ... of my hairbrush."
Narrator: "The end!"
I can't play much today... I'll be in meetings in dallas all f-ing day.
Maybe I should wear my t-shirt...
Lol! That's going on my profile page.
ping
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