Posted on 08/18/2006 2:04:39 AM PDT by sully777
Gotta put a pun or two in.....
A budhist walks up to a hot dog vendor and says "make me one with everything"
He gives the vendor twenty bucks and says "hey, where's my change?"
The hot dog vendor says "change must come from within"
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These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
More monkey action in Lancelot Link, Secret Chimp which IS OUT now...
A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. This new element has been tentatively named "Administratium". Administratium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 111 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by a force called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
Since Administratium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Administratium causes one reaction to take over 4 days to complete when it would normally take less than a second.
Administratium has a normal half-life of 3 years; it does not decay but instead undergoes a reorganization, in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons and assistant deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Administratium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization causes some morons to become neutrons forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate that Administratium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass". You will know it when you see it.
This new element is most noticeably found near government institutions and nuclear power plants.
350
351 IOTP
Two boys grew up interested in the priesthood: Jimmy James and Johnny Secola.
While both dedicatedly studied the Bible, Johnny Secola was always a little more knowledgable than Jimmy James. Both boys grew up and followed similar paths. They both became priests, then monsignors, then bishops, and eventually cardinals. Johnny Secola is still the brighter star of the two.
One night, the Pope dies in his sleep. The college of cardinals must decide who among them is going to be the new pope. Johnny Secola and Jimmy James are now competing to be the head of the church. Johnny thinks that this should be a "shoe in" for him as he has beaten Jimmy at everything before.
The cardinals hold the election and who wins? Jimmy James.
Johnny is flabbergasted. He turns to the head cardinal in charge of the election and asked him what happened.
The cardinal shook his head wearily and said, "Johnny, I'm sorry. But we really couldn't have the leader of the church have a name like... Pope Secola."
TOP
I remember that!!
http://www.netflix.com/MovieDisplay?movieid=70049514&trkid=189530&strkid=831205771_0_0
2 discs 575 minutes
Was that the one where they stuck in clips of the old battlestar galactica and tried to claim it was their ship??
Mitchell!
Hey....where you been?
Right here.
A city in Alaska passed a law outlawing all dogs.
It became known as "Dogless Fairbanks."
What's the difference between an angry circus-owner and a Roman barber?
One is a raving showman, and the other is a shaving Roman.
In ancient Rome, deli workers were told that they could eat anything they wanted during the lunch hour. Anything that is, except the smoked salmon.
Thus were created the world's first anti-lox breaks.
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