Two boys grew up interested in the priesthood: Jimmy James and Johnny Secola.
While both dedicatedly studied the Bible, Johnny Secola was always a little more knowledgable than Jimmy James. Both boys grew up and followed similar paths. They both became priests, then monsignors, then bishops, and eventually cardinals. Johnny Secola is still the brighter star of the two.
One night, the Pope dies in his sleep. The college of cardinals must decide who among them is going to be the new pope. Johnny Secola and Jimmy James are now competing to be the head of the church. Johnny thinks that this should be a "shoe in" for him as he has beaten Jimmy at everything before.
The cardinals hold the election and who wins? Jimmy James.
Johnny is flabbergasted. He turns to the head cardinal in charge of the election and asked him what happened.
The cardinal shook his head wearily and said, "Johnny, I'm sorry. But we really couldn't have the leader of the church have a name like... Pope Secola."
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A city in Alaska passed a law outlawing all dogs.
It became known as "Dogless Fairbanks."
What's the difference between an angry circus-owner and a Roman barber?
One is a raving showman, and the other is a shaving Roman.
In ancient Rome, deli workers were told that they could eat anything they wanted during the lunch hour. Anything that is, except the smoked salmon.
Thus were created the world's first anti-lox breaks.