"Taste the meat, not the heat."
Posted on 07/21/2006 5:56:55 AM PDT by CT-Freeper
Did you ever notice that the gas grill is the man's domain? Even in homes where the man of the house has never prepared a single meal in the kitchen -- unless you count pulling a package of Pop Tarts out of the box -- as soon as it's decided that dinner will be cooked on the gas grill, the man of the house eagerly dons his "Born to Barbecue" apron and announces to no one in particular, "OK, let's do some grillin'!!"
Of course, there are some men who enjoy all forms of cooking and know their way around the kitchen quite well. And then there are normal guys: those who wouldn't know which room in the house actually is the kitchen except that when they first moved into the house and rolled the refrigerator right next to the reclining chair in the living room (a very good location if you ask me), their wives exclaimed, "The fridge goes in the kitchen! No, honey, that's the dining room. Over here. See the linoleum floor, the sink, the stove? That's right. Good boy. Here's a doggie treat. Now go out to the truck and bring in the sofa. No, honey, that's a closet door. The front door is over there. That's right. Good boy."
Men are usually in charge of the gas grill because it employs an element of nature that gets men very excited: bikinis. No wait, wrong element of nature. Gas grills utilize a different element of nature that gets men just as excited, if not more excited, than bikinis: fire.
Thousands of years ago it was men who first discovered fire. Women did not discover fire because they were back home deciding which corner of the cave was the best place to locate the refrigerator. Just like that famous Greek guy, Archimedes, who exclaimed, "Eureka!" when he discovered the bubble bath, the first guy to discover fire -- his name was Ooog -- also uttered a memorable word. Upon discovering fire, Ooog exclaimed, "Aaaiiieeee!!!" The fire Ooog discovered was a brush fire caused by lightning.
Ooog looked at it curiously, and then thought to himself, "I wonder if that is just as refreshing to jump into as a cool stream?" Moments later, a smoldering Ooog declared his historic pronouncement.
Soon after, it was men who discovered that food tastes a lot better when it's placed in fire for a while. The specific guy who first discovered this important fact -- his name was Mooog -- offered these historic words, "Not bad, but Ooog would taste even better with ketchup."
Gas grilles are pretty much the only way for modern men to be in touch with their primitive side these days. Face it, in our society we are not allowed to have fun with fire. If you even own a cigarette lighter the Smoking Nazis want to lock you up. It's now against the law to burn piles of leaves in the Fall. If you start a fire in the fireplace, someone is sure to say, "Fireplace soot is bad for little Leonard's asthma! Put that out at once or I'll call the Soot Nazis!" And I need not mention that in these "politically correct" times, it is no longer socially acceptable to entertain the neighborhood kids by breaking out Uncle Mike's World War II surplus flamethrower.
So modern men are basically flame-less these days -- except when it comes to the gas grill season. Then, thankfully, we are allowed to singe our eyebrows and arm hair to our heart's content.
Guys, in the immortal words of our pioneering forebears, please join me in a hearty, "Aaaiiieeee!!!"
Bill Dunn is a free-lance writer who resides in Torrington. He can be reached via his Web site at: www.boomertrek.com.
I've been eyeing one of those real good; with the offset firebox.
How long have you had it? Any complaints? Pros/Cons?
Well that's great... unfortunately don't think that'll be happening here... I am the designated griller whether I want to be or not...
I even wound up being the cook for her girl scout burger and dog sale fund raisers... spending 6 hours over a grill to keep the ladies and girls safe.. cooking dogs and burgers... On a VERY hot day.
Curiously with a troop of 10 girls not one father showed to help.... and while my wife is the troop leader, we don't even have a daughter. Needless to say, I know a lot of fathers have gotte earfuls from their wives over me and being involved with their daughters in girl scouts. I think the neighborhood husbands had a contract out on me for a while.
"Taste the meat, not the heat."
Though nothing beats a mesquite fire, gas grilling is still better than indoor stovetop cooking. I do have a gas grill (weber Q) and love it. Gas is all that is permitted on my second floor apt balcony, though I am moving into a house next month. Do you have any more specific tips about the hickory chips in a tray? I'd like to give it a try.
Down here in Florida, we did just the OPPOSITE. My mom told me we shouldn't grill during the summer because it was too hot so we did it during the cooler months.
You can use mesquite or hickory chips with a gas grill real easy. You soak 'em in water for about a half hour, then place them in a double-wrap of foil. Poke some holes in the foil pack and place it under the grill, on top of the lava rocks.
You might need to let the grill warm up for longer than usual to get the smoke coming out real good. Mesquite makes excellent burgers and steaks.
SD
Come on... don't be chicken... tell us how you really feel...
"Oooga Oooga Oooga, charcoal grills are better!"
Mesquite coals are the ultimate!
Agreed, my briskets go on at around 8 am and take until 4 or 5 pm to be perfect. The last time that I made one, everyone there was agahst when it came out for slicing, dark brown outside and looking dry as a bone. When thinly sliced however, juicy and tender. The looks were priceless....
Nothing in life better than grilling a big burger or steak(chicken is girl food), while smoking a big cigar and drinking a cold beer from my mini fridge sitting next to the grill. I have the mini fridge to 33 degrees. beer is almost frozen...
Absolutely correct. I've grilled 20 lb. turkeys that way. It kind of makes a mess, but it's worth it.
Damn! I'd have to shotgun a beer to get my steak right, then! IMO, God made steaks almost to perfection as they're walking around mooo-ing. Just enough fire to sear the outside and voila!
Damn! I'd have to shotgun a beer to get my steak right, then! IMO, God made steaks almost to perfection as they're walking around mooo-ing. Just enough fire to sear the outside and voila!
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I can't handle mine like that. I am more of a medium peron.
Gas grill ping.
That's how I like mine. My mouth is watering at the thought of it.
Cut off its horns and wipe its a$$. My Mom(rest in peace) said she had seen cows hurt worse than that get up and walk.
I use one of these myself
It's got a small propane tank, but only for the gas CHARCOAL lighter.
I grill out several times a week ... year 'round ... and yes, there is winterin Chicagoland despite all that global warming.
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