Posted on 07/21/2006 5:56:55 AM PDT by CT-Freeper
Did you ever notice that the gas grill is the man's domain? Even in homes where the man of the house has never prepared a single meal in the kitchen -- unless you count pulling a package of Pop Tarts out of the box -- as soon as it's decided that dinner will be cooked on the gas grill, the man of the house eagerly dons his "Born to Barbecue" apron and announces to no one in particular, "OK, let's do some grillin'!!"
Of course, there are some men who enjoy all forms of cooking and know their way around the kitchen quite well. And then there are normal guys: those who wouldn't know which room in the house actually is the kitchen except that when they first moved into the house and rolled the refrigerator right next to the reclining chair in the living room (a very good location if you ask me), their wives exclaimed, "The fridge goes in the kitchen! No, honey, that's the dining room. Over here. See the linoleum floor, the sink, the stove? That's right. Good boy. Here's a doggie treat. Now go out to the truck and bring in the sofa. No, honey, that's a closet door. The front door is over there. That's right. Good boy."
Men are usually in charge of the gas grill because it employs an element of nature that gets men very excited: bikinis. No wait, wrong element of nature. Gas grills utilize a different element of nature that gets men just as excited, if not more excited, than bikinis: fire.
Thousands of years ago it was men who first discovered fire. Women did not discover fire because they were back home deciding which corner of the cave was the best place to locate the refrigerator. Just like that famous Greek guy, Archimedes, who exclaimed, "Eureka!" when he discovered the bubble bath, the first guy to discover fire -- his name was Ooog -- also uttered a memorable word. Upon discovering fire, Ooog exclaimed, "Aaaiiieeee!!!" The fire Ooog discovered was a brush fire caused by lightning.
Ooog looked at it curiously, and then thought to himself, "I wonder if that is just as refreshing to jump into as a cool stream?" Moments later, a smoldering Ooog declared his historic pronouncement.
Soon after, it was men who discovered that food tastes a lot better when it's placed in fire for a while. The specific guy who first discovered this important fact -- his name was Mooog -- offered these historic words, "Not bad, but Ooog would taste even better with ketchup."
Gas grilles are pretty much the only way for modern men to be in touch with their primitive side these days. Face it, in our society we are not allowed to have fun with fire. If you even own a cigarette lighter the Smoking Nazis want to lock you up. It's now against the law to burn piles of leaves in the Fall. If you start a fire in the fireplace, someone is sure to say, "Fireplace soot is bad for little Leonard's asthma! Put that out at once or I'll call the Soot Nazis!" And I need not mention that in these "politically correct" times, it is no longer socially acceptable to entertain the neighborhood kids by breaking out Uncle Mike's World War II surplus flamethrower.
So modern men are basically flame-less these days -- except when it comes to the gas grill season. Then, thankfully, we are allowed to singe our eyebrows and arm hair to our heart's content.
Guys, in the immortal words of our pioneering forebears, please join me in a hearty, "Aaaiiieeee!!!"
Bill Dunn is a free-lance writer who resides in Torrington. He can be reached via his Web site at: www.boomertrek.com.
You betcha. Chunk Charcoal > *
And flavor woods.
Burgers last night. Maple-soy-glazed wild salmon the night before. Tri-tip sirloin and chicken are on deck for the weekend nights; we'll probably go out tonight.
My wife god bless her sucks at grilling and bbqing... she's a great cook.. but something about putting it on the grill totally perplexes her... her attempts always wind up as Carbon on the outside, cold and raw on the inside.
Now, whether its because she can't figure it out? Or just prefers that she doesn't have to do the cooking when the grill is in use and sabotages herself intentionally I don't know.
I had the honor of watching her and one of her girlfriends light a gas grill once.... they both were lucky to escape with their eyebrows in tact... So for the safety of all involved, if a grill or fire is involved I am the one cooking the main course.
You know how to cook.
It's been over 90 deg. here for several days.
To ease the air conditioner burden in the house, I've done much of the cooking on the gas grill.
With a little experimenting it makes a good oven.
Haven't tried a cake yet though. :)
LOL!!!!!!!!!!
I hadn't thought of THAT movie in years! 
I never understood the point of gas grills - it's like cooking on the kitchen stove. Charcoal grills are where it's at - I love pouring gallons of lighter fluid on the briquets,touching the lighter to them, and WHOOMPH - flames shooting ten feet into the air. I know that's manly because my son and I love to watch this and my wife and daughter stand well away worrying that I'm going to blow myself up!
Awww yeah! It's all about the smoke!
Did my first-ever brisket on July 4th. Started at 3:00AM, done at NOON. Seriously good eats!
For those NOT in the know...it's like a 5 lb slab of beef jerky, except it's tender and juicy!
You ain't all man if that there don't speak to you in places in your head you don't tell no one about :-)
I never understood the point of gas grills - it's like cooking on the kitchen stove. Charcoal grills are where it's at - I love pouring gallons of lighter fluid on the briquets,touching the lighter to them, and WHOOMPH - flames shooting ten feet into the air. I know that's manly because my son and I love to watch this and my wife and daughter stand well away worrying that I'm going to blow myself up!
----
Back in the day, my old man used gaosline on the charcoal. Talk about a fire.
That's the BEST description of a FOON BALL I've heard in years.
You Navy vets in here know what I mean.
My neighbor once asked me to light up her gas grill. A freind of hers just blew one up and she was scared to light it. I went into my house to get some matches and stopped at my small stash of M-80's. I lit the M-80 and tossed it on the ground, as I leaned over the grill pretending to light it, she came out on her deck. I've got my head down over the grill and BOOOOOM! I grab my face and start screaming.
They were good neighbors, I wonder why they moved?
Dude, what the hell is wrong with you!!!
LOL
A slight case of total insanity?
Sure you can. I smoke pork on my gas grill all the time. You just use indirect heat and have some hickory chips in a tray smoking. Takes about 7-8 hours. Granted nothing beats charcoal but you can do pretty good with gas if you know your stuff.
We might take a grilling on this thread. But weber or not you agree with it, you must admit, it does get to the meat of the matter.
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