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Laugh Lines: Jay Leno, David Letterman and Conan O'Brien
NY Times: Week in Review ^ | June 18, 2006 | Leno, Letterman, O'Brien et. al.

Posted on 06/18/2006 5:59:17 AM PDT by Pharmboy

Jay Leno

Finally some good news for the White House. Today, federal prosecutors told Karl Rove he will not be charged in the C.I.A. leak case. This is the best news for the White House since oil hit $70 a barrel.

I'm sure you know, there's a big storm named Alberto heading toward Florida. See, even the hurricanes are getting smarter. They know a Hispanic hurricane has a better chance of getting into the United States.

Democrats are not giving President Bush any credit for killing Zarqawi. Today, Al Gore blamed it on global warming.

David Letterman

Mayor Bloomberg might run for president. Isn't there a height requirement for that?

You know, the Iraqi terror mastermind Abu Musab al-Zarqawi is dead. Anyway, his successor is Abu Ayyub al-Masri. And if anything happens to that guy: Russell Crowe.

Here's interesting news from the Pentagon. According to autopsy results, Zarqawi's cause of death: choked on a ham sandwich.

Conan O'Brien

About $1.4 billion of aid money to Hurricane Katrina victims has gone to alcohol, vacations and pornography. The worst part is that some of that was wasted.

Last week, the United States eliminated Iraq's No. 1 terrorist, Abu Musab al-Zarqawi. This week, Al Qaeda announced his successor: Abu Ayyub al-Masri. When asked why, an Al Qaeda spokesperson said: "We have a lot of leftover stationery that says: 'From the desk of Abu.' "

(Excerpt) Read more at nytimes.com ...


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: latenighttv; leno; topicalhumor
A few good ones...
1 posted on 06/18/2006 5:59:20 AM PDT by Pharmboy
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To: Pharmboy
Letterman should hang it up.

You know, the Iraqi terror mastermind Abu Musab al-Zarqawi is dead. Anyway, his successor is Abu Ayyub al-Masri. And if anything happens to that guy: Russell Crowe.

What does this mean?
2 posted on 06/18/2006 6:01:53 AM PDT by Vision ("America's best days lie ahead. You ain't seen nothing yet"- Reagan)
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To: Pharmboy
I'm sure you know, there's a big storm named Alberto heading toward Florida. See, even the hurricanes are getting smarter. They know a Hispanic hurricane has a better chance of getting into the United States.

I like that one!

3 posted on 06/18/2006 6:05:29 AM PDT by LRS
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To: Vision

Russell Crowe is a Hollywood bad boy. Still, it's a lame joke.


4 posted on 06/18/2006 6:06:45 AM PDT by saganite (Billions and billions and billions-------and that's just the NASA budget!)
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To: Pharmboy

"When asked why, an Al Qaeda spokesperson said: "We have a lot of leftover stationery that says: 'From the desk of Abu.'"

I Love It! Keep on knocking them down and passing on the stationery, Marines! :)


5 posted on 06/18/2006 6:07:50 AM PDT by Diana in Wisconsin (Save The Earth. It's The Only Planet With Chocolate.)
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To: Vision

"You know, the Iraqi terror mastermind Abu Musab al-Zarqawi is dead. Anyway, his successor is Abu Ayyub al-Masri. And if anything happens to that guy: Russell Crowe.

What does this mean?"

..........................................................................

I heard Letterman give that line. It got a big laugh. I don't get it either.


6 posted on 06/18/2006 6:09:31 AM PDT by 9999lakes
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To: Pharmboy
Finally some good news for the White House. Today, federal prosecutors told Karl Rove he will not be charged in the C.I.A. leak case. This is the best news for the White House since oil hit $70 a barrel.

I don't get it.

7 posted on 06/18/2006 6:11:35 AM PDT by Oztrich Boy ("You can either accept science and face reality, or live in a childish dream world" - Lisa Simpson)
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To: Vision

Crowe has been pretty out of control, temper-wise. He threw a telephone at a desk clerk in a Manhattan hotel, and has been in a few other dust-ups.


8 posted on 06/18/2006 6:12:09 AM PDT by Pharmboy (Democrats lie because they must)
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To: Oztrich Boy
I think--the implication was that it was coming DOWN to 70 a barrel (from 74 or so).
9 posted on 06/18/2006 6:14:00 AM PDT by Pharmboy (Democrats lie because they must)
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To: Pharmboy

Think the opposite...

Oil prices being up is good for the "oilmen" in the Whitehouse...


10 posted on 06/18/2006 6:18:46 AM PDT by dakine
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To: dakine

You're sharper than me this morning...and I even had my coffee. Of course, you're right. Thanks.


11 posted on 06/18/2006 6:24:24 AM PDT by Pharmboy (Democrats lie because they must)
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To: Pharmboy

still not funny


12 posted on 06/18/2006 6:26:59 AM PDT by Oztrich Boy ("You can either accept science and face reality, or live in a childish dream world" - Lisa Simpson)
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To: Oztrich Boy

Even Babe Ruth didn't hit a home run EVERY time at bat...


13 posted on 06/18/2006 6:28:04 AM PDT by Pharmboy (Democrats lie because they must)
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To: Oztrich Boy

See post #10--my interpretation was wrong.


14 posted on 06/18/2006 6:29:03 AM PDT by Pharmboy (Democrats lie because they must)
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To: Pharmboy

still not funny


15 posted on 06/18/2006 6:32:45 AM PDT by Oztrich Boy ("You can either accept science and face reality, or live in a childish dream world" - Lisa Simpson)
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To: Oztrich Boy
OK--try this one (I hope you haven't heard it):

Alabama State Trooper pulls over a guy in a pickup for speeding.

He asks the guy "You have any ID?"

The driver says: "'Bout what?"

16 posted on 06/18/2006 6:42:50 AM PDT by Pharmboy (Democrats lie because they must)
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To: Pharmboy; Oztrich Boy
Putting bar brawls aside, those two or three outbursts were derived from frustration in trying to call home to get a hold of his wife and child. He has admitted he is wrong to outburst to the degree he does and has apologized to those he hurt and is seeking help. So I wouldn't compare the guy to some out of hand bad boy. Which is why I don't get the joke either. IMHO
17 posted on 06/18/2006 7:40:29 AM PDT by neb52
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To: Pharmboy

Last week, the United States eliminated Iraq's No. 1 terrorist, Abu Musab al-Zarqawi. This week, Al Qaeda announced his successor: Abu Ayyub al-Masri. When asked why, an Al Qaeda spokesperson said: "We have a lot of leftover stationery that says: 'From the desk of Abu.' "



RFLOL...from the desk of Abu...!


18 posted on 06/18/2006 12:10:20 PM PDT by sully777 (wWBBD: What would Brian Boitano do?)
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To: neb52

Uhhhh...I think we all might get a bit frustrated at times, though an impressive majority of us manage not to fire cell phones at hotel clerks. His behavior has been boorish on several occassions, and, being an actor who makes 15 million bucks or so/movie, he is open to criticism, satire or being the butt of a joke. This was not a one-off for him...he acts like a spoiled bully.


19 posted on 06/18/2006 12:18:47 PM PDT by Pharmboy (Democrats lie because they must)
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