Here's me and my other child:
Does that make me a bad father?
Posted on 06/16/2006 12:17:13 AM PDT by sully777
The OFST Salute To Fathers
Here's me and my other child:
Does that make me a bad father?
OK, I stole this from another thread last week about jokes. I'll tell the short version.
Woman goes to the pet store, sees a parrot for sale, only 50 bucks. "That's a great price for a parrot, what's wrong with it"? she asks.
The salesperson says "That Parrot used to work in the downtown brothel that was just shut down, and it's got quite a vocabulary".
The woman feels sorry for the poor bird, so she buys it and takes it home.
As soon as she sets it up in the living room, the parrot speaks "New Home, New Madam".
The woman is offended, but remembering the bird's background decides she can live with it.
The woman's twin teenage daughters walk in after school. The woman says "come see the new Parrot"!
When they walk into the room, the Parrot chirps "New Home, New Madam, and New Hookers!". The girls gasp, but the mother explains the situation and they have a good laugh.
A little later, the Father comes home from work. The woman yells for him to come to the living room to see what she got.
The father walks into the room, and that Parrot chimes "Hi Harry, how you been".
Patches by Clarence Carter
I was born and raised down in Alabama
On a farm way back up in the woods
I was so ragged that folks used to call me Patches
Papa used to tease me about it
'Cause deep down inside he was hurt
'Cause he'd done all he could
My papa was a great old man
I can see him with a shovel in his hands, see
Education he never had
He did wonders when the times got bad
The little money from the crops he raised
Barely paid the bills we made
For, life had kick him down to the ground
When he tried to get up
Life would kick him back down
One day Papa called me to his dyin' bed
Put his hands on my shoulders
And in his tears he said
He said, Patches
I'm dependin' on you, son
To pull the family through
My son, it's all left up to you
Two days later Papa passed away, and
I became a man that day
So I told Mama I was gonna quit school, but
She said that was Daddy's strictest rule
So ev'ry mornin' 'fore I went to school
I fed the chickens and I chopped wood too
Sometimes I felt that I couldn't go on
I wanted to leave, just run away from home
But I would remember what my daddy said
With tears in his eyes on his dyin' bed
He said, Patches
I'm dependin' on you, son
I tried to do my best
It's up to you to do the rest
Then one day a strong rain came
And washed all the crops away
And at the age of 13 I thought
I was carryin' the weight of the
Whole world on my shoulders
And you know, Mama knew
What I was goin' through, 'cause
Ev'ry day I had to work the fields
'Cause that's the only way we got our meals
You see, I was the oldest of the family
And ev'rybody else depended on me
Ev'ry night I heard my Mama pray
Lord, give him the strength to face another day
So years have passed and all the kids are grown
The angels took Mama to a brand new home
Lord knows, people, I shedded tears
But my daddy's voice kept me through the years
Sing
Patches, I'm dependin' on you, son
To pull the family through
My son, it's all left up to you
Oh, I can still hear Papa's voice sayin'
Patches, I'm dependin' on you, son
I've tried to do my best
It's up to you to do the rest
I can still hear Papa, what he said
Patches...
Darth Vader: Obi Wan never told you what happened to your father.
Luke: He told me enough! He told me you killed him!
Darth Vader: No, Luke... I am your father!
Luke: No. It can't be. That's not true. That's impossible!
Darth Vader: Search your feelings Luke... you know them to be true.
Luke: NOOoooo!
Darth Vader: Yes, it is true... and you know what else? You know that brass droid of yours?
Luke: Threepio?
Darth Vader: Yes... Threepio... I built him... when I was 7 years old.
Luke: No! ... Wait, huh?
Darth Vader: Seven years old. And what have you done? Look at yourself. No hand. No job. And you couldn't even levitate your own ship out of the swamp...
Luke: But... I destroyed your precious Death Star!
Darth Vader: But that was when you were 20! When I was 10, I single-handedly destroyed an entire Trade Federation Droid Control ship!
Luke: Well, it's not my fault...
Darth Vader: Oh, here we go... "Poor me... my father never gave me what I wanted for my birthday... boo hoo, my daddy's the Dark Lord of the Sith... Nobody loved me... waahhh wahhh!"
Luke: Shut up!
Darth Vader: You're a slacker! By the time I was your age, I had already exterminated the Jedi knights!
Luke: I used to race my T-16 through Beggar's Canyon.
Darth Vader: Oh, for the love of the Emperor... 10 years old, winner of the Boonta Eve Open... the Only human to ever fly a Pod Racer... right here baby!
Luke looks down the shaft. Takes a step towards it.
Darth Vader: I was wrong... You're not my kid... I don't know whose you are, but you sure ain't mine.
Luke takes a step off the platform, hesitates, then plunges down the shaft.
Darth Vader looks down after him.
Darth Vader: And get a haircut!
Shalom.
He was hoping to score a goal and take off his shirt...but never got called off the bench. His shirt said "Happy Day Father".
40 by 2:12 Pacific Time
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