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A question for those 40+ who've been married at least ten years
Me (vanity) ^ | May 21, 2006 | Darkwolf377

Posted on 05/21/2006 3:49:03 AM PDT by Darkwolf377

Are you glad you got married when you did, or do you wished you waited?


TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Society
KEYWORDS: marriage; midlifecrisis; yougottaloveem
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I ask because all the talk about marriage these days seems to be about the gay kind, and I would love to read some of the thoughts and observations of those who've been married at least a decade. We make choices in life and they have consequences; we choose one path, ignore another. Now that you're in your forties or older, and been married through the sometimes tough early years, share some thoughts about the choice you made. I'm looking for some insights and, of course, honesty.
1 posted on 05/21/2006 3:49:04 AM PDT by Darkwolf377
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To: Darkwolf377

"do you wished" should be "do you wish" Ack!


2 posted on 05/21/2006 3:50:13 AM PDT by Darkwolf377 (Kowtowing to the Bush haters ends now)
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To: Darkwolf377
19 yrs here / 43 yo

wish I had met her when I was younger - she's perfect, funny and brilliant

Everything happens for a reason though and we are a sum of our experiences - I didnt mature until 21 or 22 and it wasnt complete until I hit 32....almost done at 43 LOL

3 posted on 05/21/2006 3:56:05 AM PDT by Revelation 911 (nnnnnneeeeet)
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To: Darkwolf377

I've been married for over 30 years. Three kids and don't regret a thing.


4 posted on 05/21/2006 3:59:23 AM PDT by brivette
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To: Darkwolf377
Are you glad you got married when you did, or do you wished you waited?

I first married at 25, and I believe that was about the right age, at the time, for me. We had good years together, but disease cut them all-too-short.

I remarried at 35, and after 21 years, looking back, I'd say the time was right for each.

So much depends on the individual, but it used to be that women matured more quickly than men. Not sure that's the case anymore, from what I see of the young folks- they seem equally flighty to me. Then again, me Sainted Mother always said, "You were born old..."

5 posted on 05/21/2006 4:03:33 AM PDT by backhoe
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To: Darkwolf377
I don't care who you are, marriage is about selflessness. I don't think I've ever met a married couple who hasn't gone thru ruff times, why, because once the fantasy is over, you have to learn that it's no longer about your "happiness," but more about theirs.

The choices we make may take us thru the fire, but sometimes the fire is what's needed to make us understand what selflessness truly is.

6 posted on 05/21/2006 4:04:29 AM PDT by sirchtruth (Words Mean Things...)
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To: Darkwolf377

37 yrs/ 50 somethings

I love having all my history with one husband. We have both had our 'unlovable' periods, but it is so worth the work it took to get through it all.


7 posted on 05/21/2006 4:05:47 AM PDT by grame (wife, mom, grammy)
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To: Darkwolf377

It will be thirty years for us this August, by God's grace.

3 biological children, 8 adopted children, and 7 grandchildren, so far.

We still have 9 children at home ranging in age from 5 to 16.

Though it's been very difficult at times, we don't regret one minute of it, as it has all been a work of God in our lives.


8 posted on 05/21/2006 4:06:30 AM PDT by Westbrook (Having more children does not divide your love, it multiplies it!)
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To: Darkwolf377

I'm 41 and I've been married for about 6 years so far. I was married at 31 the first time and divorced less than a year later.

My wife and I are very different people but I think it's served to round us both out.


9 posted on 05/21/2006 4:14:07 AM PDT by cripplecreek (Never a minigun handy when you need one.)
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To: backhoe
I remarried at 35, and after 21 years, looking back, I'd say the time was right for each.

So much is lost with a divorce though. Unless the first marriage was absolutely horrible, it leaves a void that is not replaced by a second marriage. It is a bit what it must be like to be a victim of amnesia insomuch as not having a past life. But worse in that you can remember what you can not get back.

10 posted on 05/21/2006 4:17:43 AM PDT by BJungNan
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To: Darkwolf377

On June 5, my hubby and I will have been married 30 years. We met in college and married 3 days before graduation. One our eighth wedding anniversary we brought our first child (who is a freeper, too) home from the hospital. We have two other children.

Life has been rough. But we stuck through it. I'm glad we did.

Did we marry too young? YES! No one could have gotten us to wait. And we've remained committed to each other through it all.


11 posted on 05/21/2006 4:21:44 AM PDT by Jemian (PAM of JT!)
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To: Darkwolf377

More important thann when you marry or even whom you marry is to be sure you first have a relationship with God through faith in Christ. Return to fellowship with Him, then place it in His hands.

He has already determinied in eternity past who your right mate will be, and in order for the two of you to be in the right place at the right time in accordance with His will, simply remain in fellowship with Him and let Him do the work.

There are many believers who got married either to the wrong person or at the wrong time, resulting in awkward sitations for both. Don't become unequally yoked, so you may both mature together in Christ over time and posssibly produce a family.


12 posted on 05/21/2006 4:25:06 AM PDT by Cvengr
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To: Darkwolf377
The first time was 17 years. But I didn't realize that for half of it I was married, she wasn't.

My second marriage is to someone I knew from the 9th grade through high school and beyond. We had dated in high school, moved on to other people and yet through other friends we shared I followed her experiences. Her life was one bad circumstance and marriage after another. She thought she had found the right guy to finally have a child, after 13 years in the Navy but he turned out to be a pig.
He moved her to her mom's house while he set up 'home' in his next station as a recruiter. Little did she know he had shacked up with a 19 yr old stripper and her 3 kids.
I found her shortly after that breakup, and did not realize what a trauma her life had been. She saved my sanity in the divorce I was going through. We have been married 10 years now, I have adopted her daughter as my own and we have built a life from absolutely no possesions, to a home, cars, and success.

We will both be 49 this year.

Had we stayed together through high school and married we would not have survived. Our experiences made us the couple we are today, and it is not the same as when we were kids. I wouldn't trade it for anything.

13 posted on 05/21/2006 4:31:18 AM PDT by Pistolshot (Condi 2008.<------added January 2004. Remember you heard it here first)
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To: Darkwolf377
Although I am not quite 40 yet, I was having this conversation yesterday with a relative of mine.

I had just turned 19 when I married my high school sweetheart, and 19 years later, I can say with 100% confidence, it was the best decision I ever made. We got married because he joined the Army, and we wanted to be together. It was a tough couple of years financially (our first joint tax return was under $12,000 a year), but that made us stronger. As many of you know, living far away from the safety net of home, we had no one to rely on but each other. He is still my best friend, and I wouldn't change a thing.

The relative I was speaking with yesterday got married when she was 17, and 24 years later she also said it was the best decision she ever made. We are both now reaching the point were the kids (in my case kid) will be on their own soon, and both of us are looking forward to spending the rest of our lives, enjoying our respective marriages. Although I am sure 19 is too young for many, for me it was a match made in Heaven.

14 posted on 05/21/2006 4:41:30 AM PDT by codercpc
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To: Darkwolf377
After reading the first 14 posts, I had a curious thought,
what would the replies be if this were posted on KOS/DU?

Some of the replies mirror my own life's story. Its fun to see
that others are living a parallel type of life.

FReep on
15 posted on 05/21/2006 4:48:49 AM PDT by ThreePuttinDude ()....shoot, shovel and shut up...... ()
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To: Darkwolf377
Forty-two years ago I watched by young bride come down the aisle on her Father's arm. I thought she was the most beautiful and the most wonderful girl in the whole world.

I still do.

16 posted on 05/21/2006 4:56:01 AM PDT by tenn2005 (Birth is merely an event; it is the path walked that becomes one's life.)
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To: Darkwolf377

Well, as someone who is both over 40 and who did wait, I am glad I did. I've only been married 7 years, but it has been the best decision of my life.


17 posted on 05/21/2006 4:56:58 AM PDT by Knitting A Conundrum (Act Justly, Love Mercy, and Walk Humbly With God Micah 6:8)
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To: Cvengr
You are right. but neither my husband or I were believers when we married. We found Christ about 5 years later while we were in the Air Force. The sound teaching of the scripture, following the principles of God for our marriage is what has sustained us through the rocky times. It is to God's glory that we are still married today.
18 posted on 05/21/2006 6:08:27 AM PDT by grame (wife, mom, grammy)
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To: Darkwolf377; grame; codercpc

I was barely 20 yrs old when I got married. In spite of both of us being immature, love carried us through the rough times. I was a product of divorced parents and that experience made us determined to work through all troubled times.

Our 31 and 27 year old kids haven't married yet and although we realize that's typical these days, I'm longing for some grandchildren to love and hope Cupid will steer them to the right mates soon!


19 posted on 05/21/2006 6:22:48 AM PDT by demkicker (democrats and terrorists are familiar bedfellows)
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To: Darkwolf377

This week, my husband and I will celebrate our 25th anniversary. He was 25 and I was 23 when we got married. It was the right thing at the right time, and I don't regret it. We've had our rough spots, as most couples do, but he's still the only one I can picture myself being married to, and he's still my best friend.

Faith, shared laughter, and a caring heart are most important.


20 posted on 05/21/2006 6:41:31 AM PDT by alwaysconservative (Friends don't let friends ride with a Kennedy.)
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