**** Official Friday Silliness Thread****

OFST | 05/12/2006 | TheUsualSuspects

[BJClinton]

Woohoo! Made to another weekend...almost.

Silliest wedding cake ever:

[CJ Wolf]

Daddy's (in blue)trend upward, mommy's (in red) stagnant. according to Google trends.

[The_Victor]

EW!

LOL

EW!

[backinthefold]

Are you tired of those sissy-ass "friendship" poems that
always sound good, but never actually come close to reality?
Well, here's my version to you, my friend..

1. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and
  plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

2. When you are blue -- ! I will try to dislodge whatever
  is choking you.

3. When you smile -- I will know you finally got laid.

4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it
  every chance I get.

5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible
  stories about how much worse it could be until you quit
  whining.

6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.

7. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until
  you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your
  clumsy ass.

9. This is my oath ... I pledge it to the end. "Why?"
  you may ask; "because you are my friend".

PS Remember .. A good friend will help you move ... a REALLY
good friend will help you move a body .. let me know if you ever need me
to bring a shovel.

[amxfan2002]

Nope...Sorry....It didn't work....Kinda' like me at Lowes

[JJR RNCH]

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

Life is sexually transmitted.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs. (My personal favorite)

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

[BJClinton]

Well that's certainly silly.

[CJ Wolf]

[Millee]

6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.

LOL! I wish my friends would abide by this more often. ;o)

[JJR RNCH]

You just grace everyone there with you presence. Nobody actually "works" there.

[amxfan2002]

Memorandum


TO: All employees
FROM: The boss
DATE: August 3, 2000
RE: Foul Language

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their coworkers. Due to complaints received from some employees who are easily offended, this type of language will be no longer tolerated. We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with coworkers. Therefore, a list of new phrases has been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner without risk of offending our more sensitive employees.

TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: When the f**k do you expect me to do this?

TRY SAYING: I'm certain that is not feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No f**king way!

TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You've got to be sh**ting me.

TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with . . .
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a s**t.

TRY SAYING: Of course I'm concerned.
INSTEAD OF: Ask me if I give a s**t.

TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It's not my f**king problem.

TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the f**k?

TRY SAYING: I'm not sure I can implement this.
INSTEAD OF: F**k it, it won't work.

TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the h**l didn't you tell me sooner?

TRY SAYING: Are you sure this is a problem?
INSTEAD OF: Who the f**k cares?

TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the problem.
INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his a**.

TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my a**.

TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at this moment.
INSTEAD OF: F**k it, I'm on salary.

TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your a**.

TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This job sucks.

TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the h**l died and made you boss?

TRY SAYING: I see.
INSTEAD OF: Bite me.

TRY SAYING: Yes, we really should discuss it.
INSTEAD OF: Another f***ing meeting?

TRY SAYING: I don't think this will be a problem.
INSTEAD OF: I really don't give a s**t.

TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He's a f***ing prick.

TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She's a ball-busting bitch.

TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: What the f**k are you doing?

[backinthefold]

Some Sage Advice:

Replace all female flight attendants with some
good-lookin' strippers! What the hell? The attendants
have gotten old and haggard-looking. They don't even
serve food anymore, so what's the loss?

The strippers would double, triple, perhaps quadruple
the alcohol consumption and get a "party atmosphere"
going in the cabin. And, of course, every heterosexual
businessman in this country would start flying again,
hoping to see naked women.

Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear
of seeing naked women. Hijackings would come to a
screeching halt and the airline industry would see
record revenues.

Why the hell didn't Bush think of this?
Why do I still have to do everything myself?

Sincerely,

Bill Clinton

[JJR RNCH]

TRY SAYING: I see.
INSTEAD OF: Bite me.

Now who would ever say something like that!!! "snicker, snicker"

[sully777]

...goats?

---

Trolls and Goats/Moose and cheese-type thread

[amxfan2002]

They really do have websites for everything.......

http://www.shoppingcartabuse.com/

[nuke rocketeer]

That cake need a scoreboard showing the severe beatings UT gives the aggies on a regular basis!

[Rightly Biased]

The perfect question from Tech Support for all of these people is.

"Do you stillhave the box your PC came in?"

if the answer is positive?

"Please pack up your pc and send it back you are too stupid to own one."

[The_Victor]

LOL! I never cared much for The Clash, but that's funny.

[amxfan2002]

Bumper Stickers for the Politically Incorrect

Constipated People Don't Give A Crap
Practice Safe Sex, Go Screw Yourself
If You Drink Don't Park, Accidents Cause People
Please Tell Your Pants Its Not Polite To Point
If That Phone Was Up Your Butt, Maybe You Could Drive A Little Better
My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant
Thank You For Pot Smoking
To All You Virgins Thanks For Nothing
If At First You Don't Succeed...blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling
Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard Feelings"
If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer
Horn Broken... Watch For Finger
It's Not How You Pick Your Nose, But Where You Put The Booger
If You're Not A Hemorrhoid, Get Off My Ass
You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me
The Earth Is Full - Go Home
I Have The Body Of A God... Buddha
This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me
So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time
Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult
If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away?
The Face Is Familiar But I Can't Quite Remember My Name
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway
Illiterate? Write For Help
Honk If Anything Falls Off
Cover Me I'm Changing Lanes
He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost But Miles From The Next Exit
I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person
You! Out Of The Gene Pool!
I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To
Where Are We Going And Why Am I In This Handbasket?
It's Been Lovely But I Have To Scream Now
I Haven't Lost My Mind, It's Backed Up On Disk Somewhere
If You Can Read This, The Bitch Fell Off...[Seen On The Back Of A Biker's Vest]
If Sex Is A Pain In The Ass, Then You're Doing It the Wrong WAY!...
Fight Crime: Shoot Back!
If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over...[Seen Upside Down, On A Jeep]
Remember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For 35mph Are Also Timed For 70mph.
Guys: No Shirt, No Service Gals: No Shirt, No Charge [Reported To Be Seen On A Restaurant]
If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hut?
Necrophillia: That Uncontrollable Urge To Crack Open A Cold One.
Ax Me About Ebonics
Body By Nautilus; Brain By Mattel
Boldly Going Nowhere
Cat: The Other White Meat
Caution - Driver Legally Blonde!
Don't Be Sexist - Broads Hate That
Heart Attacks... God's Revenge For Eating His Little Animal Friends
Honk If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window
How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He Is Lost?
If You Can't Dazzle Them With Brilliance, Riddle Them With Bullets.
Money Isn't Everything, But It Sure Keeps The Kids In Touch
Saw It... Wanted It... Had A Fit... Got It!
Warning! Driver Only Carries $20.00 In Ammunition
What Has Four Legs And An Arm? A Happy Pit Bull
PETA - People Eating Tasty Animals

[hattend]

The cake may be silly but it sure is cool looking.

[Maximus of Texas]

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Is the Last Sentence Necessary?


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