Posted on 05/12/2006 7:25:09 AM PDT by BJClinton
Woohoo! Made to another weekend...almost.
Silliest wedding cake ever:
LOL
EW!
Nope...Sorry....It didn't work....Kinda' like me at Lowes
Well that's certainly silly.
LOL! I wish my friends would abide by this more often. ;o)
You just grace everyone there with you presence. Nobody actually "works" there.
Memorandum
TO: All employees
FROM: The boss
DATE: August 3, 2000
RE: Foul Language
It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their coworkers. Due to complaints received from some employees who are easily offended, this type of language will be no longer tolerated. We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with coworkers. Therefore, a list of new phrases has been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner without risk of offending our more sensitive employees.
TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: When the f**k do you expect me to do this?
TRY SAYING: I'm certain that is not feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No f**king way!
TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You've got to be sh**ting me.
TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with . . .
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a s**t.
TRY SAYING: Of course I'm concerned.
INSTEAD OF: Ask me if I give a s**t.
TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It's not my f**king problem.
TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the f**k?
TRY SAYING: I'm not sure I can implement this.
INSTEAD OF: F**k it, it won't work.
TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the h**l didn't you tell me sooner?
TRY SAYING: Are you sure this is a problem?
INSTEAD OF: Who the f**k cares?
TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the problem.
INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his a**.
TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my a**.
TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at this moment.
INSTEAD OF: F**k it, I'm on salary.
TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your a**.
TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This job sucks.
TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the h**l died and made you boss?
TRY SAYING: I see.
INSTEAD OF: Bite me.
TRY SAYING: Yes, we really should discuss it.
INSTEAD OF: Another f***ing meeting?
TRY SAYING: I don't think this will be a problem.
INSTEAD OF: I really don't give a s**t.
TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He's a f***ing prick.
TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She's a ball-busting bitch.
TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: What the f**k are you doing?
Some Sage Advice:
Replace all female flight attendants with some
good-lookin' strippers! What the hell? The attendants
have gotten old and haggard-looking. They don't even
serve food anymore, so what's the loss?
The strippers would double, triple, perhaps quadruple
the alcohol consumption and get a "party atmosphere"
going in the cabin. And, of course, every heterosexual
businessman in this country would start flying again,
hoping to see naked women.
Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear
of seeing naked women. Hijackings would come to a
screeching halt and the airline industry would see
record revenues.
Why the hell didn't Bush think of this?
Why do I still have to do everything myself?
Sincerely,
Bill Clinton
TRY SAYING: I see.
INSTEAD OF: Bite me.
Now who would ever say something like that!!! "snicker, snicker"
They really do have websites for everything.......
http://www.shoppingcartabuse.com/
That cake need a scoreboard showing the severe beatings UT gives the aggies on a regular basis!
The perfect question from Tech Support for all of these people is.
"Do you stillhave the box your PC came in?"
if the answer is positive?
"Please pack up your pc and send it back you are too stupid to own one."
LOL! I never cared much for The Clash, but that's funny.
Bumper Stickers for the Politically Incorrect
Constipated People Don't Give A Crap
Practice Safe Sex, Go Screw Yourself
If You Drink Don't Park, Accidents Cause People
Please Tell Your Pants Its Not Polite To Point
If That Phone Was Up Your Butt, Maybe You Could Drive A Little Better
My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant
Thank You For Pot Smoking
To All You Virgins Thanks For Nothing
If At First You Don't Succeed...blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling
Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard Feelings"
If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer
Horn Broken... Watch For Finger
It's Not How You Pick Your Nose, But Where You Put The Booger
If You're Not A Hemorrhoid, Get Off My Ass
You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me
The Earth Is Full - Go Home
I Have The Body Of A God... Buddha
This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me
So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time
Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult
If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away?
The Face Is Familiar But I Can't Quite Remember My Name
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway
Illiterate? Write For Help
Honk If Anything Falls Off
Cover Me I'm Changing Lanes
He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost But Miles From The Next Exit
I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person
You! Out Of The Gene Pool!
I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To
Where Are We Going And Why Am I In This Handbasket?
It's Been Lovely But I Have To Scream Now
I Haven't Lost My Mind, It's Backed Up On Disk Somewhere
If You Can Read This, The Bitch Fell Off...[Seen On The Back Of A Biker's Vest]
If Sex Is A Pain In The Ass, Then You're Doing It the Wrong WAY!...
Fight Crime: Shoot Back!
If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over...[Seen Upside Down, On A Jeep]
Remember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For 35mph Are Also Timed For 70mph.
Guys: No Shirt, No Service Gals: No Shirt, No Charge [Reported To Be Seen On A Restaurant]
If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hut?
Necrophillia: That Uncontrollable Urge To Crack Open A Cold One.
Ax Me About Ebonics
Body By Nautilus; Brain By Mattel
Boldly Going Nowhere
Cat: The Other White Meat
Caution - Driver Legally Blonde!
Don't Be Sexist - Broads Hate That
Heart Attacks... God's Revenge For Eating His Little Animal Friends
Honk If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window
How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He Is Lost?
If You Can't Dazzle Them With Brilliance, Riddle Them With Bullets.
Money Isn't Everything, But It Sure Keeps The Kids In Touch
Saw It... Wanted It... Had A Fit... Got It!
Warning! Driver Only Carries $20.00 In Ammunition
What Has Four Legs And An Arm? A Happy Pit Bull
PETA - People Eating Tasty Animals
The cake may be silly but it sure is cool looking.
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