Yo!
3
Happy Friday!!!!!!
Thought this day would never get here.
A man enters a bar and orders a drink.
The bar has a robot bartender. The robot serves him a perfectly prepared cocktail, and then asks him,
"What's your IQ?"
The man replies "150" and the robot proceeds to make conversation about global warming factors, quantum physics and spirituality, biomimicry, environmental interconnectedness, string theory, nano-technology, and sexual proclivities.
The customer is very impressed and thinks, "This is really cool." He decides to test the robot. He walks out of the bar, turns around, and comes back in for another drink. Again, the robot serves him the perfectly prepared drink and asks him, "What's your IQ?"
The man responds, "about a 100."
Immediately the robot starts talking, but this time, about football, NASCAR, baseball, supermodels, favorite fast foods, guns, and women's breasts.
Really impressed, the man leaves the bar and decides to give the robot one more test. He heads out and returns, the robot serves him and asks, "What's your IQ?"
The man replies, "Er, 50, I think."
And the robot says... real slowly,
"So...............
ya gonna vote fer Hillary?"
Oh yeah: on this day, 170 years ago, my great-great-great-grandfather and all his kinfolk joined Mr. Houston in kicking the snot out of the petty tyrant from south of the Rio Grande.
Get set,...
HUH?
Be silly, but don't get in trouble!
LOLOLOLOL! Hilarious picture.
Are we here now?
Toby couldn't wait.
Happy Friday, everyone!!! YAY!!!!
1. Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But then I repeat myself
.........Mark Twain -
2. I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle.
.........Winston Churchill -
3. A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
.........George Bernard Shaw -
4. Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner.
.........James Bovard, Civil Libertarian (1994) -
5. Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.
.........Douglas Casey, Classmate of Bill Clinton at Georgetown University -
6. Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
.........P.J. O'Rourke, Civil Libertarian -
7. Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else.
.........Frederic Bastiat, French Economist (1801-1850) -
8. Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a fewshort phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.
.........Ronald Reagan (1986) -
9. I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
........Will Rogers -
10. If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free.
........P.J. O'Rourke -
11. In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other.
.......Voltaire (1764) -
12. Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you.
.......Pericles (430 BC.) -
13. No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the Legislature is in session.
.......Mark Twain (1866) -
14. Talk is cheap. . .except when Congress does it.
.......Unknown -
15. The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery.
.......Winston Churchill -
16. What this country needs are more unemployed politicians.
.......Edward Langley, Artist (1928 - 1995) -
17. A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have.
......Thomas Jefferson -
OK, which thread do we use? This one, or this one:
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-chat/1618861/posts
"What's with that pig?" he inquires.
"That pig, saved my daughter's life, my son's life, and our barn."
"How so?"
"Well, about 2 years back, my daughter was missing. She'd fallen into the well. We was looking for her, and that pig heard her, found me, and dragged me to the well. Last year, my son was walking the cornfields when he collapsed in the path of the combine. That pig saw it happen, climbed out of the stye, ran into the field and dragged my boy out of the way of the combine. And earlier this spring, we had an electric fire start in the barn. That pig broke down the front door, came upstair and woke us up."
"Is that how he lost his legs? Burnt in the fire?"
"Naw." said the farmer. "A pig like that, well, you don't eat him all at once."
Oh SPAM(tm)! Oh SPAM(tm)! Gourmet delight!
My food by day, my dreams by night.
To carve, to slice, to dice you up -
pureed in a blender and sipped from a cup.
What shining deity from Olympus knelt
down to the earth and hog butt smelt?
Creating then man's eternal desire
for swine entrails congealed by fire.
On some corporate farm, a pig has died.
Eyes, tongue, and snout end up inside
that cube of SPAM(tm) hidden in the can
I now hold in my trembling hand.
More than mere food, SPAM(tm) is for me
a hedonistic expression of gluttonous glee.
Mottled with pork fat, the pink cube engrosses.
My mouth takes it in, my intestine disposes.
Long have my arteries clogged to the sound
of sizzling SPAM(tm) when there's no one around -
furtively chewing or swallowing whole.
Triple bypass by forty, my medical goal.
Other processed meat products I've tried or declined
Vienna Sausages, Treet, even pig's feet in brine.
Though each may be tasty in different ways,
none matches SPAM(tm) for gelatinous glaze.
That glistening pinkness beckons me
with gristle, fat, and BHT.
Oh SPAM(tm), my SPAM(tm) - the taste, the smell!
The sacred meat product, from Hormel.
Morning! glad you could make it today.
1st Graders
A college professor was doing a study testing the senses of first graders, using a bowl of lifesavers. He gave all the children the same kind of lifesavers, one at a time, and asked them to identify them by color and flavor.
he children began:
"Red............cherry,"
"Yellow.........lemon,"
"Green........lime,"
"Orange........orange."
Then the professor gave them all a HONEY-flavored lifesaver.
After eating them for a few moments none of the children could identify the taste. "Well," he said "I'll give you all a clue. It's what your mother may sometimes call your father."
One little girl looked up in horror, spit hers out and yelled, "Oh My God!!!! They're a$$holes!"
The man stops and says, "If you'll shake the apples off the tree you can put the pig down to eat the apples and save a lot of time."
Farmer says, "What's time to a pig?"
Behold! The mesmerizing glory of the entire Star Wars Episode IV as pixelgif!
STAND BACK!
I HAVE SILLINESS AND I KNOW HOW TO USE IT!
