Posted on 03/17/2006 6:11:10 AM PST by jdm
Before cops threw the book at him, Jakub Fik threw something unusual at them -- his penis.
Fik, 33, cut off his own penis during a Northwest Side rampage Wednesday morning. When confronted by police, Fik hurled several knives and his severed organ at the officers, police said. Officers stunned him with a Taser and took him into custody.
"We took him out without any serious injury, with the exception of his own," said Chicago Police Sgt. Edward Dolan of the 16th District.
Doctors at Northwestern Memorial Hospital reattached Fik's penis Wednesday, sources said. He was listed in good condition Thursday, according to hospital spokesman Andrew Buchanan, who declined to comment further.
Smashing car windows
Fik, who lives in the 5400 block of W. Berenice, is charged with two counts of aggravated assault and one count of criminal damage to property, said Officer Laura Kubiak. He told paramedics he was distraught over problems with his girlfriend in Poland, Dolan said.
Police arrived on Fik's block at 8:20 a.m. Wednesday after receiving reports he was smashing car windows, Dolan said. Fik then broke into a house down the block. A group of six or seven officers assembled in front of the house, Dolan said.
The occupants were not home, he added.
Fik was bleeding when the officers arrived and may have already cut off his organ, Dolan said.
"At that point, this guy came running out, naked, with a handful of knives . . . and started throwing knives at the police officers that were 10, 20, 30 feet away," Dolan said.
Fik threw his penis during the confrontation, too, Dolan said. He then went back into the house and re-emerged with "another handful of knives," Dolan said.
Dolan sneaked to the side of the bungalow's front steps and stunned Fik with the Taser. Fik fought back when officers went to restrain him, Dolan said.
"About 10 feet from the front porch, right on the sidewalk, was his penis," Dolan said.
Dr. Greg Bales, associate professor of urology at the University of Chicago, said severed penises are uncommon but surgery usually works.
"As long as the penis is placed on ice and reattached within a few hours, the success is usually pretty good," Bales said.
Hope his knife was sharper than he is.
Yes, your honor it's true -- this man has no dick.
ping a ling...
Charge him with Assault with a dead weapon.
He is nuts!
Those are next on his list!
Severed Penis, PING!!!
LOL, Peter Venkman from Ghostbusters!
pecker snot/pecker not!
Why did I click and read this thread?
My weenie hurts now..
lol
Ole said, "I haven't got da finkers."
"vhat do you mean, you hafen't got da fingers?" he said. "Lord-it's 2006! ve's got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques . I could hafe put dem back on and made you like new! vhy didn't you brink da finkers?"
To vhich Ole says........"How da fock vas I suppose to pick dem up
I heard that he later calmed down and invited everyone over for cocktails.
WOAH NELLIE - WHAT IN THE HECK!? I hate it when that happens. Just another victimless crime I suppose. I bet he doesn't have the balls to do that again, but maybe it depends on where he cut.
Great: now he's got a Frankencock.
"self-Bobbitize"
LOL!! A new one for the FR lexicon!
Words fail me.
And yet, this will probably be the busiest thread of the day, this side of the Official Friday Silliness Thread.
She told him that she was gonna cut him off and he replied that she couldn't do anything that he couldn't do better himself.
Imagine the jokes he'll endure while incarcerated.
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