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Posted on 03/07/2006 9:06:41 PM PST by Soaring Feather
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I moved one of the two line links to another haiku pair to bind them better, and made small changes to your syllable counts. This is a good example of the Tanka form, and a real fun way for poets to streatch their wings. For a free-verse lover, you did very well indeed!!! Your imagery is vivid, and the flow moves well, now if I could only get you to count. ;^)
Actually this is a great poem, and the rest here should concider giving it a whack. It is a little demanding I agree, but the satisfaction of pulling it off is all yours!
To: bentfeather
To: WayzataJOHNN
To: bentfeather
The Old Song
The unsheathing sword (5)
sings of cold steel, flame, and battle (7)
even years later I recall (5)
Fear fed dance on bloody ground (7)
flashing sweeps of razored death (7)
Ancient art of war (5)
trials of courage and fear (7)
upheaval of life (5)
Psyches shattered by horror (7)
haunting their dreams evermore (7)
Desolation now (5)
a battlefield by moonlight (7)
stark still about me (5)
blackness settles around the rime (7)
bloody fields extol hell in town (7)
Innocence so lost (5)
ripped from life by violence (7)
lit by a bright moon (5)
Under blackend skies alone(7)
flashback blind and shivering (7)
through the empty night(5)
violent clashes echoed (7)
till dawn's blood red sun(5)
Dawn brings the sad accounting (7)
as both sides pay the blood price (7)
Sun's rays blister backs (5)
left ragged by slashing swords(7)
to festering sores (5)
A battlefield of crimson(7)
broken bodies broken swords(7)
raw fear running wild (5)
nights of pain unsheltered cold (7)
madness taking hold (5)
Rusted weapons now just junk (7)
souls upon the war anvil (7)
wasted flesh I ask (5)
the cause, reason for dying(7)
an honor to fall? (5)
5-7-5 then 7-7 lines to connect Come on you CAN do it, you know you can! (If this old biker can, YOU can!)
Weapon of choice steely blade, (7)
furnace honed to perfection (7)
Hope
Okay, let's see if I can screw this up. LOL
The Old Song
The unsheathing sword (5)
sings of cold steel, flame, and battle (7)
even years later I recall (5)
Fear fed dance on bloody ground (7)
flashing sweeps of razored death (7)
Ancient art of war (5)
trials of courage and fear (7)
upheaval of life (5)
Psyches shattered by horror (7)
haunting their dreams evermore (7)
Desolation now (5)
a battlefield by moonlight (7)
stark still about me (5)
blackness settles around the rime (7)
bloody fields extol hell in town (7)
Innocence so lost (5)
ripped from life by violence (7)
lit by a bright moon (5)
Under blackened skies alone(7)
flashback blind and shivering (7)
through the empty night(5)
violent clashes echoed (7)
till dawn's blood red sun(5)
Dawn brings the sad accounting (7)
as both sides pay the blood price (7)
Sun's rays blister backs (5)
left ragged by slashing swords(7)
to festering sores (5)
A battlefield of crimson(7)
broken bodies broken swords(7)
raw fear running wild (5)
nights of pain unsheltered cold (7)
madness taking hold (5)
Rusted weapons now just junk (7)
souls upon the war anvil (7)
wasted flesh I ask (5)
the cause, reason for dying (7)
an honor to fall? (5)
Weapon of choice steely blade, (7)
furnace honed to perfection (7)
Hope
crucible of fire
testing the golden lives tree
white fire the hottest proof
bentfeather
Okay, let's see if I can screw this up. LOL
The Old Song
The unsheathing sword (5)
sings of cold steel, flame, and battle (7)
even years later I recall (5)
Fear fed dance on bloody ground (7)
flashing sweeps of razored death (7)
Ancient art of war (5)
trials of courage and fear (7)
upheaval of life (5)
Psyches shattered by horror (7)
haunting their dreams evermore (7)
Desolation now (5)
a battlefield by moonlight (7)
stark still about me (5)
blackness settles around the rime (7)
bloody fields extol hell in town (7)
Innocence so lost (5)
ripped from life by violence (7)
lit by a bright moon (5)
Under blackened skies alone(7)
flashback blind and shivering (7)
through the empty night(5)
violent clashes echoed (7)
till dawn's blood red sun(5)
Dawn brings the sad accounting (7)
as both sides pay the blood price (7)
Sun's rays blister backs (5)
left ragged by slashing swords(7)
to festering sores (5)
A battlefield of crimson(7)
broken bodies broken swords(7)
raw fear running wild (5)
nights of pain unsheltered cold (7)
madness taking hold (5)
Rusted weapons now just junk (7)
souls upon the war anvil (7)
wasted flesh I ask (5)
the cause, reason for dying (7)
an honor to fall? (5)
Weapon of choice steely blade, (7)Hope
furnace honed to perfection (7)
Crucible of fire (5)
testing the golden life tree (7) Bf
white fire the hot proof (5)
Tempered blade of my own fate (7)
made by my sad mortal hand (7)
last line was a bit long but solid! I hope you don't mind the shortening.
Now, I want you all to do another, but about something fun to write about(less somber) like kittens. Just keep to the 5-7-5 line rule, and add the two 7 count lines to tie them together. I'll judge it tomorrrow evening.
and now for something spawned by a pair of words I saw on a couple of sheets of paper on my desk. The juxaposition of the words set this poem into flow.
Silent Screams
Black heart, dark heart,
locked in a silent breast,
looking out through sad eyes.
Across the inner desert,
the chill bitter wind blows,
and so too the cutting sand flies.
Low the moaning,
wind song of moments missed
and what might have been again.
Insistent whisper,
telling of what, and who, and why,
lost because of some hidden sin.
Retrospective logjam,
an inner torment from memories,
trapped in the traffic circle of the mind.
Round and round they go,
and each time by they are still vivid,
bright enough to still hurt one finds.
They build so high,
louder then a mind can hope to stand,
and one can only wait for the fall.
Somewhere along the way,
one exceeds their limit and they vent,
though no one notices their desperate call.
The Old Song
The unsheathing sword (5)
sings of cold steel, flame, and battle (7)
even years later I recall (5)
Fear fed dance on bloody ground (7)
flashing sweeps of razored death (7)
Ancient art of war (5)
trials of courage and fear (7)
upheaval of life (5)
Psyches shattered by horror (7)
haunting their dreams evermore (7)
Desolation now (5)
a battlefield by moonlight (7)
stark still about me (5)
blackness settles around the rime (7)
bloody fields extol hell in town (7)
Innocence so lost (5)
ripped from life by violence (7)
lit by a bright moon (5)
Under blackened skies alone(7)
flashback blind and shivering (7)
through the empty night(5)
violent clashes echoed (7)
till dawn's blood red sun(5)
Dawn brings the sad accounting (7)
as both sides pay the blood price (7)
Sun's rays blister backs (5)
left ragged by slashing swords(7)
to festering sores (5)
A battlefield of crimson(7)
broken bodies broken swords(7)
raw fear running wild (5)
nights of pain unsheltered cold (7)
madness taking hold (5)
Rusted weapons now just junk (7)
souls upon the war anvil (7)
wasted flesh I ask (5)
the cause, reason for dying (7)
an honor to fall? (5)
Weapon of choice steely blade, (7)Hope
furnace honed to perfection (7)
Crucible of fire (5)
testing the golden life tree (7) Bf
white fire the hot proof (5)
Tempered blade of my own fate (7)
made by my sad mortal hand (7)
vermillion hues blended greys
personality of clay
made not by my hand
*last line was a bit long but solid! I hope you don't mind the shortening.*WJ
Nope don't mind you made it better. BF
Night All.
Longtown Podcast - Vol. 61
Tribute to Warren Zevon
The Main Point
Warren Zevon Site
Gee thanks Unc. Thought I turn them loose for a bit.
Rascals are going all over FR. ;)
Sounds like a great idea. It's an early dinner for me, now. I'll be back in a very short while, bentfeather. Keep an eye out for Pelikan and those D'flies.
Okay Uncle, don't over eat.
WOW they are fantastic. Thank You!
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