Posted on 03/02/2006 11:33:12 AM PST by laney
There is nothing, it seems, that European women would rather spend a great deal of money on than getting away from it all at a spa or health farm and as correspondent Caroline Wyatt discovers, the bill is often as painful as the rather intrusive treatments.
The brochure had a photo of a luxurious hotel, and all the buzzwords: revitalising, rejuvenating.
A detox. Well, I was not sure about a de tox.
I like to tox, and I think my liver and kidneys do an admirable job, considering the challenges.
Apparently, the Maharishi Ayurveda spa offered daily full-body massages, with hot oil dribbled over the entire body, rubbed in by two people simultaneously.
I booked straightaway.
The name Maharishi rang a vague bell, but I could not think why.
The brochure had a picture of the man himself - the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi - an Indian with a serene other-worldly expression and a long white beard.
I began to suspect all might not be quite what I expected when the health check questionnaire arrived from the spa a few days later.
It seemed utterly fixated on matters of a deeply personal nature. Namely my digestion.
More specifically, the exit.
How often? What did it look like? Colour? Consistency?
The questions were all of an equally personal nature.
I discovered that many Germans were rather obsessed with these matters when I worked as a geriatric nurse in Munich in my early 20s, and to my horror found out why German toilets had ledges.
So that each production could be examined in detail.
Rebalancing act
A week later, despite some qualms, I arrived at a solid 18th Century spa building in Bad Ems, on the banks of the River Lahn.
In a spotlessly white consulting room, the German doctor gripped me firmly by the arm and fixed me with a steely eye.
This was no ordinary diagnosis but an ayurvedic diagnosis, taken from the pulse and consisting of a vocabulary entirely new to me.
"Your doshas are out of alignment," she said.
"Your kapha is excessive, and as you're a mixture of pitta and vata we're going to need to do a lot of work on rebalancing your doshas."
She wrote down my treatments, and I could tell that rebalancing my doshas was going to cost me.
A lot of dosha.
Chernobyl, it seemed, had nothing on the toxins I was harbouring.
Recipe for seduction
The cure was to eat only vegetarian food.
And, as well as no meat, no tea, no coffee, no milk, no sugar and above all, no alcohol.
Oh, and no sex.
Well, after all that detoxing I could not imagine having the energy.
The treatment plan appeared to consist of several days of deprivation, followed by two days of rice soup, then - several massages later - an explosive grand finale of enemas.
And yet... there was something almost blissful about surrendering oneself entirely to people in white coats who claimed to know better.
Cocooned indoors, in rooms that smelt of sumptuous oils and scented candles, where soothing Indian music wafted down the corridors, I was slowly seduced.
Yogic flying
Every day, in a warm white dressing gown, I was led down solid marble steps to a gleaming white treatment area.
There, behind doors that creaked heavily shut, two young, long-haired women in white cotton dresses awaited me each afternoon.
Silently, they would lead me to a white room, to a wooden bench, where, for hours at a time, soundlessly and wordlessly, they would pour hot oil onto me and gently massage it from head to toe.
The ritual was always the same as the honeyed, spicy sesame smell of the oil mingled with the candles.
And whole hours passed in seconds.
Only occasionally would the women speak, but when they did, they had the faraway look and the gentle voices of the saved.
As my mind drifted, it dawned on me where I had heard of the Maharishi before.
In a newspaper piece about the Beatles and their Indian guru. That same serene, white-bearded man.
And then I remembered a general election campaign in Britain a few years back.
Maharishi posters featuring a public promise that his devotees would save the world with an act of yogic flying.
So on the appointed day, the sceptical British media turned out to witness this mass levitation.
And after much fanfare, the devotees of the Maharishi turned out for something that resembled not flying but bouncing.
Some admirable yogic bouncing in the lotus position.
It looked eye-wateringly painful, but it definitely was not flying.
The zen factor
But their pain was nothing to what I felt when I got the bill at the end of the week's massage and starvation, even though it was perhaps the ideal holiday for a hedonistic masochist.
The bill was even more eye-watering than the enemas, although they did prove less traumatic than expected.
But as I left, via Frankfurt airport, I had to admit that I did feel better.
I was more relaxed.
So zen as I checked in that I may even have had the beginnings of that enigmatic smile.
I mused on it all as I absent-mindedly sat down at a cafe to order a cappuccino with plenty of sugar... to go with my hot-dog and coke.
And they were so good that I ordered another.
And another.
And by the time I got on my flight home I was feeling quite normal again.
I post articles from Religion News, this is one of thier articles...It's not a tinfoil artilce, it might be a bit off the wall but never the less it is a article of what is going on in the world with alterative healthcare methods.
Some religions adhere to Alternative Healthcare as spiritual treatments, and I assume that is why RN post these types of articles. I myself like to post articles in the latest trends and technology for the Mind Body and the spirit.
We all want to be as healthy physically and emotionally as we possibly can! :)
Just posted the article for others who might have interest to see, I know how to eat right and take care of my package
I'd rather talk to the refrigerator than a psychiatrist.
But appreciate your comments.
I don't know what you are talking about or what you are implying since you do not know me from Apple butter, but I post articles here all the time, I am not looking for fan recognition just articles that might be of interest to some freepers, this one apparently wasn't as I assume many other articles have the same effect once in awhile. You however IMO have spoke to me on this thread to ridicule who *You* think I am or am about which is pretty whacked since we never have spoken to one another...
Maybe you should eat more foods that would increase your happy hormones called endorphins that might make you a little more likable.
Oh now I know who you are a brother from another mother so to speak..Have no idea about what Keywords you are speaking about....I am selling nothing here but my cyber-conversations with people who do like me...
Funny how you come here and tell me what I am and what I am not doing like you are my next door neighbor or a friend of mine who I see on a regular basis...
Do you have some Supersize,humongous longest yard telescope that you are peering into my window to see what I am or am not doing?
Maybe you can comment on my post on why we should celebrate Lent? (Since you read them all) I also posted that as well..What have you given up for lent? maybe gossiping would be a good start and you might put a smile on the Lord's face.
ONe other thing: My little word of advice since you do not know me you would never know how to get through to me in what you would like to accomplish no one has that ability unless they know someone personally and professionally.
Case#1
I lived above some people one time who I actually never saw but I heard thier yellping daschund daily, anyways one day I came home and a note on my door was from this neighbor who told me *Would I please stop running the dishwasher and stop walking so hard on the floor with combat boots in the middle of the night? I thought what the heck is she blabbing about, so I ignored it as I ran the dishwasher at 6:a.m and wasn't about to stop, anyways since I did not listen to her neighborly advice she started playing Marching Band Music at 3:am as well as burning a cigar out her kitchen window so I would smell the fumes..
YOu know what I STILL did not do what she said because that was not the way YOU get me to do something for you.
One day her dog got out ran on the golfcourse and was being attacked by a coyotoe, she was screaming for someone to help her I did and saved her wiener dog, she then cried and said I had no idea who you were and I said No you did not. Case closed...
You are such a dead give away it isn't funny.
I posted this on General Chat in case you did not know
the site as different forums to which a person can post articles... So this dance you are doing is old you need to get a new dance teacher.. Yes you would say you're eyes would be suprised as most who see me are beyond impressed
not being conceited just stating some facts! never had a problem in the looks or personality department apparently you have...
Nice chatting with you caveman....
Be a good boy or girl scout this weekend
Sell some Cookies! :)
Please, for the love of all that's holy, use a spellcheck program! 8^)
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