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Dick Cheney jokes
Posted on 02/14/2006 1:05:43 PM PST by nuconvert
Chuck Norris Dick Cheney jokes :
Dick Cheney doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Dick Cheney drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.
Dick Cheney does not sleep. He waits.
Dick Cheney built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, CHeney met all three bullets with his fist, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
Dick Cheney's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
If you can see Dick Cheney, he can see you. If you can't see Cheney, you may be only seconds away from death.
Dick Cheney has never blinked in his entire life. Never.
If you ask Dick Cheney what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face
Dick Cheney once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
Dick Cheney is Luke Skywalker's real father.
Dick Cheneyis currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right hands.
Dick Cheney does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.
It was once believed that Dick Cheney actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Cheney himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.
Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Dick Cheney.
On the 7th day, God rested.... Dick Cheney took over.
TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: cheney; dickcheney; humor; jokes; norris
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To: nuconvert
The Bogey Man checks under his bed for Dick Cheney.
Dick Cheney is actually dead, the Grim Reaper just has not had the courage to tell him.
21
posted on
02/14/2006 2:23:42 PM PST
by
evilC
([573]Tag Server Error, Tag not found)
To: nuconvert
An Eyewitness at the shooting reports that it went down like this:Quail: 'Lawyer season!'
Lawyer: 'Quail season!'
Quail: 'Lawyer season!'
Lawyer: 'Quail season!'
Quail: 'Quail season!'
Lawyer: 'Lawyer season!'
Cheney: BOOM!
To: evilC
23
posted on
02/14/2006 2:26:02 PM PST
by
nuconvert
([there's a lot of bad people in the pistachio business])
To: nuconvert; Tax-chick
Dick Cheney is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right hands. This one's particularly cute.
24
posted on
02/14/2006 3:57:07 PM PST
by
Cinnamon Girl
(OMGIIHIHOIIC ping list)
To: nuconvert
My personal favorite:
Dick Cheney can divide by zero.
25
posted on
02/14/2006 4:14:15 PM PST
by
Dutch14
(The last one out of the circus has to lock up everything...)
To: Dutch14
26
posted on
02/14/2006 4:21:44 PM PST
by
nuconvert
([there's a lot of bad people in the pistachio business])
To: nuconvert; All
Love 'em! Copied to e-mail to some buddies, along with the hilarious replies! (I especially like the Rice-Cheney-2008-PULL!)
27
posted on
02/14/2006 5:16:41 PM PST
by
Theresawithanh
(Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.)
To: Chanticleer; Conservababe
Don't ya just know that Quayle is secretly grateful to Dick Cheney? His spelling error pales in comparison. That's funny. VP's are such buffoons!
28
posted on
02/14/2006 5:32:58 PM PST
by
phantomworker
("Ah Dam Bubba now what ya gonna do with all them hoods?" [reprinted with permission from the author])
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