Dems Tried To Stall Alito Hearings (HILARIOUS STUFF MUST READ!)

WAZZADEM ^ | 1/25/06

[areafiftyone]

Apparently, C-Span has been editing its coverage of the Senate Judiciary Committee hearings on the Alito nomination.

Here's the tape they don't want you to see.

At this time the Chair recognizes the senator from Delaware - Senator Biden.

 

 

 

 

I'll be with you shortly.

 

 

 

 

Senator, this committe is in session, so if you're not prepared, we'll come back to you later.

 

 

 

 

Just hold on, I think I'm almost done.

 

 

 

 

I'd like to remind my good friend that we don't have time to wait for him while he...

 

 

 

 

And I'd like to remind my good friend that the American people want us - no, they demand that we take as much time as...Oh, come on! Where did that green one go??

 

 

 

 

Is the senator from New York prepared to speak with Judge Alito?

 

 

 

 

I certainly am.

 

 

 

 

The Chair recognizes Senator Schumer.

 

 

 

 

Dammit!

 

 

 

 

Good morning, Judge Alito.

 

 

 

 

Good morning, Senator.

 

 

 

 

Judge, you and I go way back, and...

 

 

 

 

We do?

 

 

 

 

All right, I suppose that might be a bit of an overstatement, but I think it's fair to say that we've been through a lot together, right?

 

 

 

 

No, not really.

 

 

 

 

Fine. Let me rephrase that. Perhaps we haven't known each other for very long, and our interaction has been somewhat limited, but I don't think there's any doubt that we've become good friends - fair enough?

 

 

 

 

Well, let's see - I went to meet with you in your office, and you were certainly friendly enough there in front of the cameras.

 

 

 

 

Exactly, so I...

 

 

 

 

But, before that, you held a press conference where you suggested that I might undo the accomplishments of people like Rosa Parks.

 

 

 

 

That's not exactly what I meant to...

 

 

 

 

And ever since then you've purposely distorted my written opinons, taken quotes out of context, suggested that I...

 

 

 

 

All right! So, maybe we're not exactly best friends.

 

 

 

 

Senator, might I suggest that you quit while you're ahead - or at least before you dig yourself any deeper.

 

 

 

 

Fine, I'll just move on to my questions. Judge, when I say angling gear, what do you think of?

 

 

 

 

I don't know - fishing pole? I don't understand what you're getting at.

 

 

 

 

No, that's not it.

 

 

 

 

I'm looking for one ten-letter word. This one's really got me stumped.

 

 

 

 

Is that a crossword puzzle??

 

 

 

 

It's not a crossword puzzle, it's the world's largest crossword puzzle, and I'm only 794 answers away from completing it.

 

 

 

 

*Sigh* Senator Feinstein?

 

 

 

 

Busy right now.

 

 

 

 

Doing what?

 

 

 

 

Writing my memoirs. Keep your pants on, I'm almost halfway done.

 

 

 

 

We can't hold this hearing up while you...

 

 

 

 

Mr. Chairman, my constituents will not stand by and watch you try to ramrod this nominee through the...Look, just fill in the blanks, I'm trying to concentrate.

 

 

 

 

The Senator from Illinois is recognized.

 

 

 

 

Thank you, Mr. Chairman. Judge Alito, I'm going to ask you to take a close look at me. Do you notice anything unusual?

 

 

 

 

No, not right offhand.

 

 

 

 

Look closer. You don't see anything out of the ordinary?

 

 

 

 

Did you get a new wig?

 

 

 

 

I don't wear a wig!

 

 

 

 

I'm sorry, I meant to say hairpiece.

 

 

 

 

I don't wear a hairpiece!

 

 

 

 

Well, what do you call it? Male scalp enhancement?

 

 

 

 

This is my real hair! I'm talking about my name. My name is missing.

 

 

 

 

I'm not following you.

 

 

 

 

Well, the little C-Span thingy is right here on my left arm, but where's the banner with my name?

 

 

 

 

Senator, we really need to move this along. Now, if you have a question for...

 

 

 

 

Mr. Chairman, you may not care that you don't have a name banner, but you have the House, the Senate, the White House, and now you're about to tip the Supreme Court in your favor. Can I at least have my name banner?? I'm the Assistant Minority Leader!

 

 

 

 

Can the folks at C-Span please give Senator Durbin his name banner so we can move on?

 

 

 

 

That's better.

 

 

 

 

Actually, I don't like that font. Have you got something in a Times New Roman?

 

 

 

 

The Chair recognizes the senior Senator from Massachusetts.

 

 

 

 

I'll be with you as soon as I finish my book.

 

 

 

 

Senator Kennedy, with all due respect...

 

 

 

 

Mr. Chairman, you may be able to intimidate the other members of this committee, but I assure you that I am not easily intimidated, so if you think...

 

 

 

 

I have a responsibility to...uh, Senator, your book is, um...

 

 

 

 

What? Oh, how did that...

 

 

 

 

Excuse me, can I make a suggestion?

 

 

 

 

Certainly.

 

 

 

 

Can you just vote, already? Something tells me I'm going to get eight thumbs-down votes no matter what I say.

 

 

 

 

Good idea, Let's go around the table - Senator Leahy.

 

 

 

 

Nope.

 

 

 

 

Durbin.

 

 

 

 

You have Arial Bold?

 

 

 

 

Feingold.

 

 

 

 

Not a chance.

 

 

 

 

Schumer.

 

 

 

 

What?

 

 

 

 

Vote?

 

 

 

 

No, that's only four letters.

 

 

 

 

Kohl.

 

 

 

 

Nah.

 

 

 

 

Biden?

 

 

 

 

SON OF A B*TCH!

 

 

 

 

Ms. Feinstein.

 

 

 

 

Her t-shirt clung to her sweaty body as her breasts heaved with each anxious breath.

 

 

 

 

That's a no. Senator Kennedy?

 

 

 

 

I'm trying to listen to Senator Feinstein!

 

 

 

 

That's a wrap, we're adjourned.

 

 

 

 

Protractor!

 

[OXENinFLA]

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Bacon Man]

This is the funniest thing I've seen since .... the last time I saw .... something .... that was really funny .... or something.

[Quilla]

Thanks so much for the ping. I laughed so hard, I now have eyeliner streaming down my cheeks.

[EveningStar]

Sign up for the WuzzaDem ping list!

[ConservativeMan55]

bttt

[2 Kool 2 Be 4-Gotten]

Nice.

[Feiny]

Thank you so much for the ping. That is hilarious.

[Feiny]

My side hurts.....

[Billthedrill]

Can you just vote, already? Something tells me I'm going to get eight thumbs-down votes no matter what I say.

LOL! We could have dispensed with a month of stupefying drivel if he'd just said that in the beginning...

[EveningStar]

Do you want on the new WuzzaDem ping list? :)

[Loud Mime]

Yep.........very funny.

[Feiny]

yes please

[TASMANIANRED]

Very witty, and like good satire. It has a large element of truth.

[Jhohanna]

Hahahahahah! That is *great*!

[Jhohanna]

ACK!!!!!!!! That needs a warning label right across that mug!

[Dashing Dasher]

Don't miss this thread.....

This is hilarious!!!

[Maximus of Texas]

LOL, thanks for the ping DD

[Dashing Dasher]

Isn't that hilarious!

[Feiny]

How dare you ping me to the thread I pinged you to first!
Harumph!!!

[Dashing Dasher]

I was pinging you to tell you that I finally got to read your ping and was so enamored by your ping that I pinged my friends and included you because you are one of my friends that I ping when I ping my friends.