First one to figure out wins the "Feats of Strength"
Happy Festivus!
Merry Christmas, y'all!
FESTIVUS YES! BAGELS NO!
Top 15!!!!
Christmas Operations Order
Date: Fri, 23 Dec 2005 12:20:01 - 0800 (PST)
From: OIC, Director of Christmas Operations
Subject: Ops order for Dec. 25 Christmas Operations Order: 12-24-05
Subject: Christmas
1. An official visit by Lt Gen Santa (NMI) Claus is expected at this headquarters 25 December 2005. The following instructions will be in effect and govern the activities of all personnel during the visit.
a. Not a creature will stir without official permission. This will include indigenous mice. Special stirring permits for necessary administrative actions will be obtained through normal channels. Mice stirring permits will be obtained through the Office of the Surgeon General, Veterinary Services.
b. Personnel will settle their brains for a long winter nap prior to 2200 hours, 24 December 2005. Uniform for the nap will be: Pajamas, cotton, light, drowsing, with kerchief, general purpose, camouflage; and Cap, camouflage w/ear flaps. Equipment will be drawn from CIF prior to 1900 hours, 24 December 2005.
c. Personnel will utilize standard field ration sugar plums for visions to dance through their heads. Artificially sweetened plums are authorized for those in their unit weight control program. Specifications for this item will be provided by the servicing dining facility.
d. Stockings, wool, cushion sole, will be hung by the chimney with care. Necessary safety precautions will be taken to avoid fire hazards caused by carelessly hung stockings. Unit Safety Officers will submit stocking hanging plans to this headquarters prior to 0800 hours, 24 December 2005, ATTN: DCSLOG, for approval.
e. At the first sign of clatter from the lawn, all troops will spring from their beds to evaluate noise and cause. Immediate action will be taken to tear open the shutters and throw open the window sashes. DCSOPS Plan (Saint Nick), Reference LO No. 3, paragraph 6c, this headquarters, 2 February 2000, will be in effect to facilitate shutter tearing and sash throwing. Division chiefs will familiarize all personnel with procedures and are responsible for ensuring that no shutters are torn open or window sashes thrown open prior to start of official clatter.
f. Prior to 2400, 24 December 2005, all personnel will be assigned "Wondering Eye" stations. After shutters are thrown open and sashes are torn, these stations will be manned.
g. The ODCSLOG will assign one each Sleigh, miniature, M-66, and eight (8) deer, rein, tiny, for use of Lt Gen Claus' driver who, IAW current directives and other applicable regulations, must have a valid SF 56 properly annotated by Driver Testing; be authorized rooftop parking and be able to shout "On Dasher, on Dancer, on Prancer and Vixen, up Comet, up Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen".
2. Lt Gen Claus will enter quarters through standard chimneys. All units without chimneys will draw Chimney Simulator, M-6, for use during ceremonies. Chimney simulator units will be requested on Engineer Job Order Request Form submitted to the Furniture Warehouse prior to 19 December 2005, and issued on DA Form 3161, Request for Issue or Turn-in.
3. Personnel will be rehearsed on shouting "Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night." This shout will be given on termination of General Claus' visit. Uniformity of shouting is the responsibility of division chiefs.
//Original Signed//
CHRISTOPHER KRINGLE Colonel, USA OIC, Special Services
Get ready for TRIPLE-DOUBLE-DOG SILLINESS!
One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he remembers that
it's his daughter's birthday.
He pulls over to a toy store and asks the salesperson, "How much is the
Barbie on the display window?"
The salesperson answers, "Which one? We have: Workout Barbie for $19.95,
Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for
$19.95 or Divorced Barbie for $265.95".
The amazed father asks: "What? Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and
all the others only $19.95?"
The salesperson annoyingly answers : "Sir..., "Divorced Barbie comes
with: Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken's
Computer and... One of Ken's Friends.
| You Christmas Stocking Will Be Filled with Money |
 Or Santa is trying to pay you off! |
Top 20? WHoo-HOO
Merry Christmas
Well, conditions at work are frightful,
And the boss is not delightful,
And someday we'll all be let go,
This job blows! This job blows! This job blows!
The company is slowly dying,
It won't do any good to be a crying,
So polish your resumes until they glow,
This job blows! This job blows! This job blows!
I'm married to a 6' Pole so I've always got one on hand for Festivus. She is pretty good at the feats of strength though, which does not help my self esteem.
To my Democrat Friends:
"Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2006, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere. And without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee. By accepting these greetings you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for herself or himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher."
For My Republican Friends:
Here's wishing all of You a
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year
Merry Christmas Everyone!
GOOD MORNING!
and Merry Christmas to all my fellow Freepers!
Peace.