Posted on 12/23/2005 5:39:40 AM PST by BJClinton
Happy Festivus Everyone! For those that don't know what Festivus is, here's a source:
Wikipedia
While it was actually invented (like Kwanzaa) in 1966 in a Reader's Digest column it was made popular by an episode of Seinfeld.
The Festivus Dinner you'll have to take care of yourself, but I've provided a festivus Pole:
The feats of strength and airing of grievances will be addressed downthread.
| You Christmas Stocking Will Be Filled with Money |
 Or Santa is trying to pay you off! |
That's my ex-wife.
(From "The Santa Clause")
Don't access your roof using a product from the Rose Suchatt Ladder Company.
squid ewe a mare egret moose
panda happy gnu deer
"The porta jons in the background are a real nice touch."
Are they from Roger's Rent-a-John?
I know...adds to the overall ambiance.
It lends the picture a certain AIR...
Sarah, who was a rather well-proportioned Blonde, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of her hotel.
She wore a bathing suit the first day, but on the second, she decided that no one could see her way up there, and she slipped out of it for an overall tan.
She'd hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs.
She was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear. "Excuse me, miss," said the flustered assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs.
"The Hilton doesn't mind your sunbathing on the roof, but we would very much appreciate your wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday."
"What difference does it make?" Sarah asked rather calmly. "No one can see me up here, and besides, I'm covered with a towel."
"Not exactly," said the embarrassed man. "You're lying on the dining room skylight."
Merry Christmas Everyone!
I like the tagline!
A blonde had a near death experience that changed her life forever. One day she went horseback riding. Everything was going fine until the horse started bouncing out of control.
She tried with all her might to hang on, but was thrown off. Just as she was plummeting towards the ground, her foot got caught in the stirrup. When this happened, she felt the top half of her body slam to the ground. Her head continued to bounce harder as the horse did not stop or even slow down.
Just as she was giving up hope and losing consciousness, the store manager came and unplugged it.
Did you hear about the blonde who died in a silo?
She went inside looking for a corner to pee in.
A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up to the counter
and says, "Hi... You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather
have a job."
The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent.
We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a
chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful nymphomaniac daughter. You'll
have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your
clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be
expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips. You will have to satisfy her sexual urges.
You'll be provided a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The
starting salary is $200,000 a year."
The guy, wide-eyed, says, "You're bullshi**in' me!"
The social worker says, "Yeah, well... you started it."
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