Posted on 11/04/2005 6:25:31 AM PST by BJClinton
Weee! This has been one rough week. But, hey, we got a new Supreme court nominee *AND* I just found out Mrs. BJClinton is expecting. That's right folks, there's another smart-a** on the way. Alrighty, enough about me, let the silliness begin!
A fussy old woman walks into a butcher shop and starts closely inspecting a chicken. Finally, she spreads it open and sniffs it. She then exclaims "This chicken doesn't smell fresh!"
The weary butcher replies, "Lady, could you pass that test?"
-Eric
Time to get a new fence!
What did the pig say when the farmer grabbed him by the tail?
"That's the of me."
Guess that's why there are way more horses a#@(s than there are horses.
"That's the END of me!"
Wow. Some people have way too much time on teir hands.
I like my heated water hot, and my cooled water cooled so if I heat hot water what is it? can I buy a hot water cooler? or would that be a fridge?
It's time to get a new fence!
It's a railroad crossing sign!
Please tell that to my mom & dad.
His wife went to the funeral home to make the final arrangements for his interment. She spoke to the mortician about what her husband would be wearing. The mortician pointed out that the man looked really nice in the black suit he was wearing, and that frankly it would be easier and less expensive to leave him dressed as he was.
The woman noted that Charlie had always looked his very best in blue, and that she really wanted him in a blue suit for his trip to eternity. To silence the mortician's continued outcries, she gave him a blank check and said, "I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in the very best blue suit money can buy for the ceremony."
The woman came back the next day for the wake. To her delight, she found her Charlie dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fit him perfectly. She said to the mortician, "Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job, and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?" To her astonishment, the mortician presented her with the blank check, indicating there was no charge for these extra services.
"No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!" she cried. The mortician responded, "Honestly, ma'am, the change to the blue suit cost nothing. Funny thing, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing an attractive black suit. She indicated that it made no difference, as long as he looked nice..."
"So I switched the heads."
I haven't gotten to play in months so I hope this ain't a repeat:
Media Bias
Two boys in Boston were playing baseball when one of them was attacked by a rabid Rottweiller. Thinking quickly, the other boy ripped a board off of a nearby fence, wedged it into the dog's collar and twisted it, breaking the dog's neck.
A newspaper reporter from the Boston Herald witnessed the incident and rushed over to interview the boy. The reporter began entering data into his laptop, beginning with the headline:
"Brave Young Red Sox Fan Saves Friend From Jaws Of Vicious Animal"
"But I'm not a Red Sox fan," the little hero interjected.
"Sorry" replied the reporter. "But since we're in Boston, Mass, I just assumed you were."
Hitting the delete key, the reporter began:
"John Kerry Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Dog Attack"
"But I'm not a Kerry fan either," the boy responds.
The reporter says, "I assumed everybody in this state was either for the Red Sox or Kerry or Kennedy. What team or person do you like? "
"I'm a Texas Ranger fan and I really like George W. Bush" the boy says.
Hitting the delete key, the reporter begins again:
"Arrogant Little Conservative Bastard Kills Beloved Family Pet"
| All American Kid |
 You were well rounded and well liked in high school. |
Congrats on your good news!
Asian or African?
a talking PIG?
Hell, I got drunk, too. And was a regular smoker. The school was so small that if you alienated any particular clique, you had no friends.
A fussy old woman walks ito the butcher shop and says she wansta fresh Long island duck.
The butcher hadn one over, the old lady sticks her finger in the duck's butt, and says 'This duck is from Newfoundland'.
The butcher hands her another, she does the same test and says 'this duck is from Maine'.
The third duck is acceptable. She says to the butcher,'By the way, you're new here. Where are you from?'
The butcher drops his pants and says 'I don't know lady, you tell me!'
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