The Advice Goddess

Westword.com ^ | Amy Alkon

[Millee]

I'm 40, the cute girl from upstairs is 23. When she stopped by to commiserate about loud neighbors, we had a beer, went dancing, and then had sex. Afterward, she seemed weird and left abruptly. I wrote her a note, "Sorry if I made you uncomfortable, but I love you and look forward to seeing you again." She hasn't looked at me since. Where did I go wrong? -- Mr. Neighbor

Grateful as you may be to a girl for having sex with you, it's never a good idea to let on. You could've had a future with her -- the kind 40-year-old guys without handfuls of bling typically have with 23-year-old girls: jump-starting their cars, lugging their couches up four flights of stairs, and maybe catching a little action when there are no hot young guys to be found. You blew it, though, with "I'm a lonely sack of emptiness!" -- which is how "I love you" translates after one beer, one dance, and one roll in the sack. (You say "I love you"; she says "It seemed like a good idea at the time.")

[Tijeras_Slim]

Maureen Dowd(y)

[NathanR]

It is apparently a recent photo of Maureen Dowd.

Notice the empty bar, and the sun streaming in through the windows.

[Jersey Republican Biker Chick]

Maybe...date rape drug...never thought of that angle...

[LongElegantLegs]

It's never a good idea to screw around with people that live in your apartment building. You can't politely avoid them, they see you bring other guys over...They start leaving mutilated dogs on your porch, and you wonder why your blender smells like almonds...
Just a bad plan.

[Jersey Republican Biker Chick]

You got it. I try to come up with interesting names for all of my pings!!

[peacebaby]

Forty in the first syllable?

awwww, too young for me.

[EX52D]

[Always Right]

I'm 40, the cute girl from upstairs is 23. When she stopped by to commiserate about loud neighbors, we had a beer, went dancing, and then had sex. Afterward, she seemed weird and left abruptly.

Dear Mr. Neighbor, perhaps you should respond to one of those winnie enlarging spam ads.

[Maximus of Texas]

Thanks, Tij. I don't get out much. They don't show her on Nick at Nite.

[peacebaby]

Yes, be like Bob!

[Maximus of Texas]

How about if I take out my teeth. Would that help?

[HitmanLV]

I think his big mistake was overstating the significance of the dalliance and professing more love and emotional intimacy than she is used to.

The thing about episodes like this is that people usually act consistent with her normal behavior patterns. So my guess is that going out for a fun time and some casual sex is pretty much how she runs her life.

There is no suggestion that they drank too much (he said they had 'a beer'), so my feeling is that casual, uncommitted sex is something she is open to. His note raised the stakes and alienated her. Truthfully, it is a creepy note to give someone after some casual sex.

The odds of her coming back for another spin would have been much higher if he adopted an indifferent demeanor towards her, and if that manifested in his being insensitive, unnoticing, or even a bit mean to her.

Odds are then that she would see that the dalliance didn't mean much to him, and more aligned with her values and how she runs her life. The indifference creates a sexual tension, also, since that may be perceived in her mind as a tacit challenge: her arse wasn't that big a deal to him, not notably memorable and he is in no rush for a return ride.

Even people fairly casual with their sexual mores have a hard time coping with that. It's a shade of vanity.

[Millee]

What's that clear liquid she's drinking?? Formaldehyde??

[PaulaB]

I'm telling you after wards she was like
What the.....have I done?
How do I get away from this geezer.....

[peacebaby]

ggeeeerrrooooooooos!

I've got all my teeth, and I'm over 50. Exactly what are you saying, dear?

[HitmanLV]

It's never a good idea to screw around with people that live in your apartment building.

Very wise.

[Millee]

What the.....have I done? How do I get away from this geezer....

My husband's younger then me, I'm still waiting for him to have "this" moment. ;o)

[blackie]

Be cool!

[Maximus of Texas]

Yeah, and you can add your neigbhorhood association, too.

[peacebaby]

are you a psychologist? psychiatrist? How mmuch do you charge?