Posted on 09/30/2005 7:00:54 PM PDT by martin_fierro
By DAVID B. CARUSO
Associated Press Writer
The Associated Press
NEW YORK Sep 30, 2005 — It seemed like such a great idea: digitally shrink maps of major subway systems and put them online so people can download them to their iPods for free.
Tens of thousands of people have downloaded maps from http://www.ipodsubwaymaps.com since Web designer and blogger William Bright, 27, created it in early August.
San Francisco and New York City officials were less enthusiastic.
A lawyer for the Metropolitan Transportation Authority sent Bright a terse "cease and desist" letter in mid-September demanding he immediately remove the New York City subway map from his Web site.
Another letter followed on Sept. 21 from the San Francisco Bay Area Rapid Transit District, instructing Bright to take down his BART system map.
Both agencies said copyrights they held to the maps barred anyone from repackaging and redistributing them without permission.
Bright, who by day works for the online magazine Nerve.Com, quickly complied with both requests but said he was disappointed.
The only money Bright said he received for his efforts came from a few advertisements on his site, which he said generated about $1 most days.
"This was supposed to be for fun," explained Bright, who signs his blog postings Little Bill and also accepts donations via PayPal.
Bright said it had taken him just 20 minutes of tinkering to chop up an online version of the MTA's subway map and shrink it into parts that could be read more easily on the screen of newer iPod models.
Word about ipodsubwaymaps.com spread quickly after Bright launched it. Before long, 50,000 people had downloaded the New York subway map. The site offers maps for nearly two dozen subway systems including Berlin, Boston, Paris, Philadelphia, Los Angeles, Tokyo and Washington D.C.
Might the MTA have overreacted and in doing so deprived commuters of something useful?
"That's the side that everybody loves to take, that big government is going after the little guy," bristled MTA spokesman Tom Kelly. "But that's not the case. This isn't us singling out one person and one entity."
I got a few Henny's jokes for ya:
My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said "Cough!"
The Doctor says "You'll live to be 60!" "I AM 60!" "See, what did I tell you?"
A doctor says to a man "You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day." Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says "How is your love life since you have been running?" "I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!"
The patient says "Doctor, it hurts when I do this." "Then don't do that!"
The doctor says to the patient, "Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window". "What will that do" asks the patient. The doctor says "I'm mad at my neighbor!"
A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks "Doc, how do I stand?" The doctor says "That's what puzzles me!"
"Doctor, my leg hurts. What can I do?" The doctor says "Limp!"
A man goes to a psychiatrist "Nobody listen to me!" The doctor says "Next!"
A man goes to a psychiatrist. The doctor says "You're crazy" The man says "I want a second opinion!" "Okay, you're ugly too!">[? "Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears." "Don't answer!"
A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started."
Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says "Huh. I lost 100 pounds!"
What a riot -- I can almost hear the violin squawking between jokes. Another one I remember him saying was "I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport." Thanks for the laughs!! (How are you with Jack Benny?)
Let me see if I can find some more.
Wow, this is better than a weekend in the Catskills with Buddy Hackett and Joey Adams!! I remember Bob Hope addressing a group of sailors, telling them that his family also had a long history of seamanship. He noted that his uncle George Hope was first mate on the Titanic; he was also first mate off the Titanic.
"It gave dirty politics a bad name." –On the Watergate affair
"I always like to go to Washington D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money." –On touring the U.S. Treasury
"I need money. I have a staff of 30, and four houses, never mind the government, to support."
"It's so cold here in Washington, D.C., that politicians have their hands in their own pockets."
"The Democrats have an answer to the unemployment problem. They're all running for the presidency." –On the many Democrats running for president in 1988
"I don't know if the presidential candidates are running for the White House or Animal House." –On Gary's Hart's campaign for president
DAVE ALLEN: Good evening. Now a lot of people as me, why is it that, as I sit here, I am frequently seen brushing my trouser leg. And the answer is, because I drink my whiskey diluted... with vodka. And in the course of the evening I see the little fellows climbing up my trouser leg and what I'm doing is brushing them off.
And uh, I went to a psychiatrist about it, and I said, "I have to keep brushing the little fellows off." And he said, "Well there's three things I want you to do. One is relax more, the second thing is to cut down on your drinking, and the third thing is to stop brushing the little perishes all over me.
A little Jewish story about a couple of Jews who were walking down the street and...
FROM THE AUDIENCE: Leave Jewish people alone. Leave us alone.
DAVE ALLEN: There were two Pakistanis walking down the street, in Golders Green, and they went into their synagogue, and one Pakistani said to the other...
FROM THE AUDIENCE: "I am a Pakistani and I have more brains in my little finger than I have in the rest of my body. Leave us Pakistanis alone."
DAVE ALLEN: Uh. I'll tell you a story about my own race. Two Irish fellas, one of them bought a paper shop and it blew away. The other Irishman went to see a dentist to have a wisdom tooth put in.
FROM THE AUDIENCE: "Shut your mouth." "You tell him Pat." "What kind of a man has two Christian names and no surname?" "An idiot, that's what."
DAVE ALLEN: Are there any Chinese in? Once upon a time there were two Chinamen. Now look how many there are. These Chinese are not very bright you know...
FROM THE AUDIENCE: (cursing at him in Chinese)
Audience members start throwing things at him. Four production staff walk behind him, blocking things from hitting the stage.
DAVE ALLEN: Right, I'll tell you a mythical story about a race who don't even exist. I'll tell you a fairy story. There were these four fairies...
FOUR PRODUCTION STAFF: "What if we are, you nasty..." "Why don't you leave us alone?" (the four start hitting Dave Allen)
DAVE ALLEN: (sitting alone on the stage) My God!
A piece of lighting equipment falls on the stage beside him.
DAVE ALLEN: (looks up) I'm sorry!
Thanks for those, Victoria. I love that stuff -- funny, and nobody gets hurt. Hands in their own pockets, LOL!! Sends me off to bed laughing. I think tomorrow I'll do some research on Victor Borge. Thank you, ladies and germs. Wait -- who had that line about "My parents are in the iron and steel business. My mother irons, and my father steals." Guess you had to be there!
Okay, I was just going to log off and saw the Benny Hill stuff. Priceless. I start laughing the second his face comes on the screen, and I don't stop until he leaves. Half the time I don't even know what I'm laughing at!! You must be in the business, or you have one heck of a joke file handy. Thanks again (do you do any Soupy Sales?)
Here is the last Benny Hill for tonight.
Nighty night. Sweet dreams.
Wild Women
Now I don't want you folks to misconstrue
What I'm about to say to you,
But I'm gonna tell you about the women in my life.
Now I know some gals who are real refined,
But I always seem to get the other kind,
And maybe that's why I've never found a wife.
Now I used to know a gal in Crew,
She was five foot two and eyes of blue,
And, well she told me that her name was Lotty,
But I think she was funny in the head
'Cause she used to sleep underneath the bed,
Her parents thought she was a little potty.
But I kind of liked the way she'd smile
So I went around with her for a while,
And I kind of thought of her as my bride to be,
I said, "You're the one girl in my life
And I'd like to have you for my wife,"
She said, "Now what would your wife do with me?"
One day I met a movie star,
She was just getting out of her Rolls Royce car,
And she was all covered in diamonds and mink.
Now I kind of liked a gal with money,
And this one, well, she was a real honey,
So I said, "Maybe one day you and I could have a little drink."
She said, "You're just my kind of man."
She stuck a phone number in my hand,
She said, "Now phone me up next time that you're in town." I said, "Is this your penthouse," she said, "No,
It's the fish and chip shop down below, But you just phone me up and they'll call me down."
Now I was in a Chelsea bar one day,
And there was a chap stood about five feet away,
And we was both admiring a girl about twenty-one,
I said, "You just can't help but stare
At that cute little chick with the long blonde hair,"
He said, "That chick just happens to be my son."
I said, "I didn't mean to offend,
You must let me make a mend,
I mean at least let me buy you another rum.
I said, "You must think me an awful cad,
I didn't know you was his dad."
He said, "I'm not, you twit, I'm his mum."
I dont' know what Soupy Sales is, LOL
Okay, I had to delay sleep until I saw the last Benny Hill item. My sides are aching, both from the script and from picturing him performing it. As for Soupy Sales -- guess he was an East Coast thing -- don't worry, it's just as well you don't know who he is -- it had to do with lots of pies in the face, absurd sound effects, and cheaply-made puppets whose lines were grunted and groaned. Nothing as high-toned as Benny Hill. Good night to you, too, you've left your audience in stitches.
Good night. Have a great day tomorrow.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.