Confessions of an Engineering Washout

Tech Central Station ^ | 9/21/05 | Douglas Kern

[ladyrustic]

I am an engineering washout. I left a chemical engineering major in shame and disgust to pursue the softer pleasures of a liberal arts education. No, do not pity me, gentle reader; do not assuage your horror and dismay at my degradation by flinging a filthy quarter into my shiny tin cup. Instead, hear my story, and learn why the United States lacks engineers.

Not long ago, I showed up for my first year at Smartypants U., fresh from a high school career full of awards and honors and gold stars. My accomplishments all pointed towards a more verbal course of study, but I was determined to spend my college days learning something useful. With my strong science grades and excellent standardized test scores, I felt certain that I could handle whatever engineering challenges Smartypants U. had to offer. Remember: Kern = real good at math and science. You will have cause to forget that fact very soon.

I had three options for a chemistry class: the intro course, the accelerated course, and the genius course. My high school chemistry background made me a good fit for the accelerated course, but my academic advisor warned me not to take it. The course instructor was a legendarily incompetent teacher, even by the dubious standards of Smartypants U's engineering department. He was so incoherent and capricious that academic advisors were warned to steer students away from his courses. So why was he kept on staff? His research was outstanding. My tuition dollars at work.

Being too arrogant to waste my gifts in some kiddie intro course, I enrolled in the genius course. Memo to freshmen, wherever you are: unless you are a certified, card-carrying prodigy with a four-digit IQ, do not EVER EVER EVER sign up for a chemistry class whose informal nickname contains the word "Turbo." "What happened?" said the comment on my second test. I wish I knew.

In high school I had grown accustomed to math classes that featured clear, helpful instruction from teachers who liked to teach and excelled at teaching. At Smartypants U, the jewel in the crown of American academia, my math instructor was a twenty-something teaching assistant whose classroom style never deviated from the following pattern:

1) Greet class.

2) Ask if there were any questions about the previous evening's problem set.

3) If so, work out the problem in question on the chalkboard, without further explanation.

4) Repeat step 3) as needed.

5) Announce the pages in the textbook from which the next problem set would be derived.

6) Perform a sample problem from the new problem set.

7) Ask if anyone has any questions.

8) Give the problem set assignment.

9) Dismiss the class.

Total elapsed time: never more than 25 minutes.

Clutching the shredded tatters of my pride and dignity, I trudged to the office hours of my math instructor every week, seeking an explanation for the increasingly mysterious problems in the textbook. My instructor welcomed my presence as she would welcome the Angel of Death. Irritated? She was terrified. Explain…the problems? Articulate…the steps? Relate…the concepts? I would ask questions, and she would respond by completing yet another sample problem as fast as she possibly could, blushing nervously. I felt like I was on a Star Trek episode. "Captain, I think I understand…the creature communicates through multivariable calculus problems!"

I know what you're thinking, and you're wrong. She was as American as I am. Spoke perfect colloquial English.

Engineering physics was only marginally better. The harried teaching assistant could actually explain the occasional physics concept. But he made sure you understood that a poor grade on any assignment reflected upon your merit in the eyes of God. "If you get a 60% below on ANY quiz," he wrote on the chalkboard on day one, "YOU ARE NOT STUDYING HARD ENOUGH." I wondered what would happen if you got a 30% on a quiz. Were you branded? Expelled? Excommunicated?

The social-life-killing workload was the stuff of gallows humor among the three or four upper-class engineers who could still laugh. "Sleep is for the weak!" they bellowed, when gathering at the listless engineering parties. "Your underwear has two sides," they whispered, pressing their furry acne-ridden faces into the ears of bewildered freshmen. "Use them."

Reader, let us not dwell upon the endless problem sets, the wretched grades, and the weary nights spent screaming at my inscrutable textbooks. Compose in your mind a montage of quizzes covered in red ink, classes wasted in the stupor of incomprehension, and frowning instructors muttering strange incantations in their eerie scientific argot. And of the hands-on laboratory portion of the chemistry class, I will say only that I still hold the record at Smartypants U. for most failed attempts at that hateful titration experiment. ("No - not dark pink! You filthy godless soul-eating beaker! Damn you to hell!") They assigned grad students to watch me after failure number six. And I still screwed it up.

Meanwhile, my friends majoring in the liberal arts pulled dandy grades while studying little. "You just wait," I thought, gazing upon them like the ant regarding the grasshopper in the summer. "You party and blow off homework now, but in ten years, you'll be making merely wonderful money as investment bankers and consultants, while I'll be getting laid off from a great job at General Electric."

My first-semester GPA was the engineering major average: 2.7. But to a former academic superstar, a 2.7 GPA was akin to a public flogging.

I nearly fainted when I learned that I received a 43% on the Physics final. I nearly fainted again when I learned that the class average was 38%. A sub-50% grade on a science test is a curious creature, as much the product of grader whim as academic achievement. "Hmmm…looks like he understood a tiny bit of this question. I'll give three points out of ten. Or should I give four? Whoops…tummy rumbling…better make it three." Having allegedly mastered 43% of the course material, I was now deemed fit to take even harder Physics classes. I wondered: at the highest levels of physics, could you get a passing grade with a 5% score on a test? A 3% score? A zero? Could drinking from a fire hose actually slake your thirst?

Exhausted and demoralized, I stumbled into my next semester of engineering. My new math T.A. had all of my old T.A.'s inability to teach, but half of her mastery of English. One day in class I heard myself saying: "If I understood what I didn't understand about the problem, I would understand the problem, and therefore I wouldn't be asking a question." The T.A. stared at me across a void that seemed increasingly unbridgeable.

The course was called "Discrete Mathematics." Many people thought that the course was called "Discreet Mathematics." Wrong. To clarify: "Discrete Mathematics" is "the mathematics in which Kern was getting a D at midterm." "Discreet Mathematics" is "how Kern dropped that class along with the rest of his engineering course load and signed into liberal arts classes, all on the last day he was eligible to do so, because he couldn't stand the stress, abuse, and lack of comprehension anymore." No one waved goodbye to me at the engineering door.

The United States contains a finite number of smart people, most of whom have options in life besides engineering. You will not produce thronging bevies of pocket-protector-wearing number-jockeys simply by handing out spiffy Space Shuttle patches at the local Science Fair. If you want more engineers in the United States, you must find a way for America's engineering programs to retain students like, well, me: people smart enough to do the math and motivated enough to at least take a bite at the engineering apple, but turned off by the overwhelming coursework, low grades, and abysmal teaching. Find a way to teach engineering to verbally oriented students who can't learn math by sense of smell. Demand from (and give to) students an actual mastery of the material, rather than relying on bogus on-the-curve pseudo-grades that hinge upon the amount of partial credit that bored T.A.s choose to dole out. Write textbooks that are more than just glorified problem set manuals. Give grades that will make engineering majors competitive in a grade-inflated environment. Don't let T.A.s teach unless they can actually teach.

None of these things will happen, of course. Engineering professors are perfectly happy weeding out undesirables with absurd boot-camp courses that conceal the inability of said professors to communicate with words. Fewer students will pursue science and engineering majors, and the United States will grow ever more reliant upon foreign brainpower to design its scientific and manufacturing endeavors. I did my part to fight this problem, and for my trouble I got four months of humiliation and a semester's worth of shabby grades that I had to explain to law schools and employers for years. Thousands of college students will have a similar experience this fall.

So engineering is suffering in this country? It deserves no better.

[Fierce Allegiance]

I would agree for elec, computer, and some mechanical and maybe CE design, but boots-on-the-ground Civils are still in big demand. I can't see that going away any time soon.

[The SISU kid]

Scandihoovian Engineers, Ole and Sven, were standing at the base of a

flagpole, looking up. A blonde woman walked by and asked what they were

doing.

"Ve're supposed to find the height of the flagpole," said Ole, "but ve don't

have a ladder."

The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the

pole down. Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement,

announced, "eighteen feet, six inches;" and walked away.

Sven shook his head and laughed. "Ain't that just like a dumb blonde! Ve ask

for 'da height, and she gives us 'da length

[Fierce Allegiance]

Anthony, my summer intern who won't go away, would not understand that.

[sionnsar]

Any of our freeper engineers care to comment on this man's experience? What was your experience at school?

I had an abymsal teacher or two at the junior college level, but for the most part my teachers ranged from good to excellent. (This was a long time ago...) But even then some of my fellow engineering students washed out.

[sionnsar]

Find a way to teach engineering to verbally oriented students who can't learn math by sense of smell.

I was always poor (but adequate) at math -- except 2nd quarter calculus where I had a teacher who could make it all obvious. I compensated with a dual major and finding Boolean algebra a snap. (which it is...)

[sionnsar]

Geezer Geek ping.

This is a very low-volume ping list (typically days to weeks between pings).
FReepmail me if you want on or off this list.

[null and void]

Sounds pretty close to mine. I lasted five years before dropping out.

We were made of sterner stuff in those days...

[Richard Kimball]

I was a fine arts major in college, my daughter teaches math, and I work at a college. Your post confirms what I have believed for quite a while. People in mathematics and the hard sciences tend to be more creative and original thinkers than people in the fine arts. In the fine arts there's a rigidity of thought, and an imposed political thought process. Because art is subjective (you couldn't sell a Jackson Pollack for fifty bucks if he wasn't famous), appointments are almost entirely political. In engineering and the hard sciences, if you don't do it correctly, the bridge falls down.

I do agree with the author that many lower division courses are taught by assistants, and many of these grad students are sadists who take their anger out on the poor lower division students.

By the way, your post was brilliant. The passion you obviously have for your field is evident.

[Ichneumon]

I think Mr. Kern here suffers from an inflated sense of self-esteem. He may have gotten great grades in high school so he thinks he's a genius and his teachers and parents told him was. So he goes into the real world where the rubber hits the road and he's just chopped liver.

Heh -- that's a common discovery. I went to a pretty exclusive college, and on the first day of orientation the president of the university warned us, "Most of you were in the top 5% of your class in high school. Just remember that fully 50% of you will now find yourself in the bottom half of your class..." It's quite an adjustment.

[anymouse]

Imagine if the World allowed slacker engineers. Bridges would collapse, buildings would crumble and airplanes would fall from the sky - routinely, just because the responsible engineer had a bad day and didn't feel like giving it his all.

Of course this theory falls apart when you talk about software. ;)

[N. Theknow]

My dreams were dashed at age 12 when I found out all the math requirements for an engineering degree from Georgia Tech.

All I wanted to do was learn how to drive a choo-choo train.

[Professional Engineer]

I nearly fainted when I learned that I received a 43% on the Physics final. I nearly fainted again when I learned that the class average was 38%.

That sounds familiar. I receieved a similar mark for Diff Eq 2, and received a "B". Turns out the professor routinely gave such scores. When he reported grades, he just multipied each student's score by 2.

[Professional Engineer]

Though I might point out to the young man that while the legal profession doesn't seem to have many lay-offs,

Or time off. But hey, it's only life right.

[Professional Engineer]

Someone set you up the test.

All your protractor are belong to us.

[Professional Engineer]

I received this from an Architect client of mine

---

Only a “Few Good Men” will get this.

CAST:
MEP Engineer: Jack Nicholson
Architect: Tom Cruise

MEP Engineer: You want answers?

Architect: I think I'm entitled to them.

MEP Engineer: You want answers?!

Architect: I want the truth!

MEP Engineer: You can't HANDLE the truth!!

Son, we live in a world that has CHILLERS, BOILERS AND SWITCHGEAR. And those PIECES OF EQUIPMENT have to be LOCATED IN ROOMS. Who's gonna DESIGN THEM? You? You, MR. ARCHITECT? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom.

You weep for LOST PARKING SPACES and you curse the SIZE OF MY GENERATOR. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that THOSE MEP SYSTEMS, while tragic, probably saved lives. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives...You don't want the truth. Because deep down, in places you don't talk about at parties, you WANT me on that DESIGN TEAM. You NEED me on that DESIGN TEAM. We use words like DESIGN, CODE, ANALYSIS...we use these words as the backbone to a life spent PROVIDING OWNER COMFORT AND ENERGY EFFICIENCY. You use 'em as a punchline.

I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain my DESIGN to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very ENVIRONMENT I provide, then questions the manner in which I provide it! I'd rather you just said thank you and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a DUCTULATOR and DESIGN a BUILDING SYSTEM. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you're entitled to!

Architect : Did you OVERSIZE THE MECHANICAL AND ELECTRICAL ROOMS?

MEP Engineer : (quietly) I did the job you HIRED me to do.

Architect : Did you OVERSIZE THE MECHANICAL AND ELECTRICAL ROOMS?!!

MEP Engineer : You're goddamn right I did!!

[Professional Engineer]

But you have to understand and sense inside your head to movement of the steel, the flow of a current ina wire network, the compression of a screw thread inside a bolt, or the twist of an airflow in an HVAC duct as you design circuits and dams and buildings.

Or they break.

Well stated.

[NicknamedBob]

"But you have to understand and sense
inside your head to movement of the steel,
the flow of a current in a wire network,
the compression of a screw thread inside a bolt,
or the twist of an airflow in an HVAC duct
as you design circuits and dams and buildings.

Or they break.

Beautiful, Robert! Just beautiful. *sniff* I love your poetry.

[NicknamedBob]

"Not that you can exactly "see" neutrons too good."

Be thankful you're not as near-sighted as I am.

[Kenny Bunk]

I am an engineer by early training. The academic system for engineers is set up for nerds and dweebs who are unable to explain to anyone, least of all themselves, why the bridge collapsed, or the airplane fell from the sky, which they do with some, but hopefully rare, regularity.

Our politically correct writer of the article posted also failed to mention that today, most of the teaching assistants who make the nerds' and dweebs' lives living hell are from points east where speek Engrish is unkown aht foam.

However, you cannot beat the mental discipline and internal logic of scientific and mathematical study. Kern's Komplaint about the math teacher is ridiculous. It's math dude. You learn it in the wee hours of the morning working the problems.

Now there is absolutely nothing to preclude the study of the liberal arts (of which mathematics is one) by engineers. In fact, with our powers of study, logic, and concentration, I dare say we could complete the classwork of the average lackadaisacal 4-year liberal arts dolt in two semesters.

In my day, and at my school, certain liberal arts courses were required of everyone. Fooey! Nowadays, nobody knows nothing.

[Sen Jack S. Fogbound]

There is a difference in going to an engineering college in the 1950's than in the 90's or later.

Big difference!

I had a prof who was a lead engineer in the design of B-52 fuselage. Another who was in the Space Program. And another who designed a Breeder Reactor.

The today's profs don't seem to have any contacts with the kids.