PING!
Every one of these is 100% true. My biggest peeves with the fairer sex are the mind-reading one and the one about hints not working.
Typical. Chris was looking for India, which is why Indians are called Indians.
I swear, can you guys EVER admit it when you make a mistake????!!!!!
This is funny every time I see it.
You missed this one.
Don't ever ask me how much I love you. It's a stupid question that has no answer. If I have a problem with you I'll let you know.
What about:
I can't make up my mind when you ask me what's more important, sex or duct tape?
The real #1.
GUYS...put the seat down!!!
Never.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
1. Don't expect us to Know where and where Not to put capital Letters.
I tried the VS route, but he won't even notice me unless I have a sports team logo on my outfit.
Why is it that women don't understand this?
AMEN to Rule #1 (If you won't dress like the Victoria 's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.)
Her Side of the Story:
My husband was in an odd mood.
Saturday night. We planned to meet at a cafe for a drink. I spent the afternoon shopping with the girls and I thought it might have been my fault because I was a bit later than I promised, but he didn't say anything about it. I don't remember doing anything to make him upset, but I could tell there was something wrong.
The conversation was quite slow going so I thought we should go off to some place intimate so we could talk more privately.
We went to this restaurant and he was STILL acting a bit funny. I was getting really worried, what did I do? What was bothering him? Was he mad at me? I tried to cheer him up, but started to wonder what was bothering him. Was it me or something else?
I asked him if he was upset with me, he said no.
But I wasn't really sure. In the car on the way back home, I said that I loved him deeply and he just put his arm around me.
I didn't know what the heck that meant because, you know, he didn't say it back or anything.
We finally got back home and I was wondering if he was going to leave me!
So I tried to get him to talk but he just switched on the TV.
Reluctantly, I said I was going to go to bed. Then after about 10 minutes, he joined me and to my surprise, we made love. But, he still seemed really distracted, so afterwards I wanted to confront him but didn't, so I just cried myself to sleep.
I just don't know what to do anymore. I mean, I really think he's seeing someone else.
His Side of the Story:
Missed a two foot birdie putt to win my match today. Couldn't play for crap!
Felt kinda tired..... Got laid though.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
** damn :o)
Dude!!!!!!!!!!
Here's a little something that should help.
1."Fine"
This is the word women use at the end of any argument when they feel they are right but can't stand to hear you argue any longer. It means that you should shut up. (NEVER use "fine" to describe how she looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.)
2."Five minutes"
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so women feel that it's an even trade.
3."Nothing"
Nothing" means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine."
4."Go Ahead" (with raised eyebrows)
This is NOT permission; it's a dare! If you mistake it for permission, the result will be the woman will get upset over "Nothing" and you'll have a "five-minute" discussion that will end with the word "Fine."
5."Go Ahead" (normal eyebrows)
This is NOT permission, either. It means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care." You will get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.
6."Loud Sigh"
This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement. Very frequently misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are a complete idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing!."
7."Soft Sigh"
Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand. It means she is momentarily content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe in the hope that the moment will last a bit longer.
8."Oh"
This word -- followed by any statement - is trouble. Example; "Oh, let me get that". Or, "Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night." If she says "Oh" before a statement, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is "Fine" when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least two days. "Oh" as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get a raised eyebrow. "Go ahead," sometimes followed by acts so unspeakable that I can't bring myself to write about them.
9."That's Okay"
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding what the penalty will be for whatever you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead." Once she has had time to plan it out, you are in for some mighty big trouble.
10."Please Do"
This is not a statement, it is an offer. The woman is giving you the chance to come up with an excuse for what you have done. In other words, a chance to get yourself into even more trouble. If you handle this correctly, you shouldn't get a "That's Okay."
11."Thanks"
The woman is thanking you. Don't faint and don't look for hidden meaning. Just say "you're welcome."
12."Thanks A Lot"
"Thanks A Lot" is dramatically different from "Thanks." A woman will say "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It is usually followed by the "Loud Sigh." This signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way. Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing".
1. You have too many shoes.
Not possible.
I saw this list several years ago and have it saved as a Word document somewhere.
This is a funny list, but it is also absolutely true.