Posted on 09/07/2005 7:14:10 PM PDT by Brainhose
OK Here we go
Readers Digest Condensed Version:
Peddalling thru Boston Common on Monday
I saw a table pushing Scientology. I was in a playful mood so I stopped.
There was one of Them giving someone a "Free Stress Test".
He had this guy holding what looked like an unpainted soda can
with a wire to a video game console.
I couldn't help but ask:"You do realize that this is a cult?"
I got just the type of reaction I hoped.
It turns out the guy taking the test was actually one of Them
The lead cultist got very angry and his only response was:
"What Crimes Have You Commited?" He asked me that about 4 times.
I told him that I once shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.
Him: "Aha, I knew you commited crimes!"
Me: "But when I sat in Folsom Prison I hung My Head And Cried."
Him: "What other crimes have you comitted?"
Well it went on for a while. after qouting several lines from other Johnny Cash Songs,
and using the old Time-Life Western Books line: "I once shot a man for snoring too loud"
After he seemed very smug that I had confessed to "Crimes".
I pointed out that I had been quoting Johnny Cash and he just about went completely
insane and said I needed to take his stress test. I was very calm and suggested he needed to take the test
himself. .
I brought up the fact that Scientology was based on a crappy science-fiction book written in the 50's,
and perhaps if we could find a couch, he could hop up and down on it like Tom Cruise on Oprah..
He wouldn't take a poke at me, which is what I wanted, though I would never hit back.
He ordered me to leave a public park because I had no right to be there.
Yada-yada-yada....... he ordered me out of the park about 5 or 6 more times.
He then said he was going to "Get a Ranger" I said "Go right ahead Boo-Boo get a ranger".
He walked away and disappeared around a corner. I actually had to find the police myself.
The police thought the whole thing was pretty funny. one said:"Everyone knows it's a scam. you've had some fun"
It was great fun. I stopped and bought a hotdog and listened to a Bluegrass band for a while.
All in all a very successful day
And that was the condensed version, "Believe it or not!"
This makes me sad. I wasn't there to join in the fun. As soon as I got to the "I shot a man in Reno I just to watch him die." I bust out laughing.
you quoted Johnny Cash and you didn't tell him your name was Sue?
If you're looking to pull a scam, Boston Commons, chock full of Kerry voters, is a target rich environment.
Isn't it amazing the left wing media actually treat this cult as some sort of legitimate religion? These people are nuts. They all need to be Baker Acted.
Cool after-action. Thanks!
One question though... a "Bluegrass band" in downtown Boston? Whassup with that?
I am laughing way too loud for this late in the evening!!!!
FR News/Education/Entertainment. Its all here.
Thanks for the laughs, Brainhose. Very well done!
Did you reveal the top level, super secret, hush-hush "secret" of Scientology to this numbskull? Did you tell him where he could read all about it on the Web? You could have saved him thousands of dollars in courses he will have to take to reach the final level. You should have told him how much money he could save, and asked him to give you $50 bucks for the big secret.
Try introducing your new friends to Appliantology.
I met a Scientologist once, he was hired to sell at a dealer ship that specialized in luxury autos, his appearance and mannerism gave evey indication that he was perfect for the job, but almost instantly -everyone- picked up on the fact that he was a huge bundle of deceptions held together by the "routines" he had leanred in the C.O.S. He lied, stole, cheated, he bullied (when he could get away with it) He victimised anyone that let him.
He was a -true- sociopath lurking in a polished exterior. He was openly misogynistic, crude and bereft of any redeeming quality that wasn't part of the facade.
He had learned certain "pressure" tactics while in the Church of Scientology, and the first time it was witnessed first hand by the manager, he was History.
Is this an anectdote? Technically yes, but here's the point of my story.
I knew this guy from the time he was born until he was in his early 20's -when he left for Florida and got involved with the Scientologists.
When he left here, he was a stand up kid, loved in the community, no serious vices or character flaws.
His Family went down to St. Pete to visit him.
They described that he was living in a "Communal" type dormatory, which was the most digusting think imagineable.
Roaches, rats, filth, etc.
These were street people picked up by the COS to do odd labor.
They were making him work in order to pay his squalid flop house. The parents tried to get him a place of his own and he told them he "LIKED" it where he was.
When he came back from St. Pete, off the "Bridge" He had become the slimiest, most dispicable, ruthless, shifty, skunk you'd ever want to meet.
And these skills were all learned in the Church of Scientology.
I witnessed this firsthand.
During the time everyone was figuring out that this guy was basically a bottom feeding oportunistic, creep.
-He was preaching to everyone about why he was BETTER than them because of Scientology, when he was called on the carpet, he used words that sounded VERY much like the Tom Cruise words, "You don't KNOW like I know because I've had Scientology."
At last word he was doing jail time for embezzlement.
Go SCIENTOLOGY!
ping.
LOL!
But it must be proclaimed through a "Mr. Microphone"!
In NYC on 42nd Street during my last visit to NYC this past July was a Scientology tanle set up and free tests evaluating stress in your life.
A doe-eyed young woman stopped me in the street and asked me if I wanted to know how to beat the influence of stress in my life.
"Stress? I need it. Keeps me sharp. (snap fingers) On the edge (snap fingers). That's where I gotta be!"*
She was bewildered. I guess she never encountered a fan of stress before. :-)
* Special Freeper No-Prize to the first Freeper who knows where I lifted this from.
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