Posted on 08/12/2005 6:17:15 AM PDT by BJClinton
Well, Mr. B has decided to retire from the OFST chairmanship and turned the ping list over to me. So, in keeping with our pre-weekend ritual! Let the silliness commence!
Well they didn't put it in the SBR, so I guess I'll have to try.
Ya'll are fun. Just a smidgen shy of tawdry is cool with me.
But not so much that I'm tempted to get into trouble. ;^}
Gouranga founded the Krishna religion. And to think, they didn't even have airports yet!
thanks!!
Now go be good
Laws of Life:
* Murphy's First Law for Wives: If you ask your husband to
pick up five items at the store and then you add one more as
an afterthought, he will forget two of the first five.
* Kauffman's Paradox of the Corporation: The less important
you are to the corporation, the more your tardiness or
absence is noticed.
* The Salary Axiom: The pay raise is just large enough to
increase your taxes and just small enough to have no effect
on your take-home pay.
* Miller's Law of Insurance: Insurance covers everything
except what happens.
* First Law of Living: As soon as you start doing what you
always wanted to be doing, you'll want to be doing some-
thing else.
* Weiner's Law of Libraries: There are no answers, only
cross-references.
* The Grocery Bag Law: The candy bar you planned to eat on
the way home from the market is hidden at the bottom of the
grocery bag.
* Lampner's Law of Employment: When leaving work late, you
will go unnoticed. When you leave work early, you will meet
the boss in the parking lot.
Aaack! That's me.
On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new
husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In
his highly aroused state her husband readily agreed.
This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for the next
30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford
new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.
Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her
husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he
explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had been let go. It was unlikely that at the age of 55, he'd be able to find another position that paid anywhere near what he'd been earning,
and therefore, they were financially ruined.
Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed thirty years
of deposits and interest totaling nearly $1 million. Then she showed
him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over
$2 million, and informed him that they were one of the largest
depositors in the bank. She explained that for the 30 years she had
charged him for sex, these holdings had multiplied and these were the
results of her savings and investments.
Faced with evidence of cash and investments worth over $3 million, her
husband was so astounded he could barely speak, but finally he found his
voice and blurted out, "If I'd had any idea what you were
doing, I would have given you all my business!"
THAT'S WHEN SHE SHOT HIM!
You know, sometimes, men just don't know when to keep their mouths
shut.....
And boring without my Lisandra.
I'm the last one over and over again.
Slow learner I guess
The seal was suffering from terrafirmaphobia, and Alf was helping him back into the water. This good deed was addressed in the latest T.P.S. report.
How's things?
I try to keep things spicy!!
That wasn't on the cover sheet
A guy walks into the dentist's office and after an examination the dentist says, "That tooth has to come out.I'm going to give you a shot of Novocain and I'll be back in a few minutes."
The guy grabs the doc's arm and says. "No way. I hate needles. I'm not having any shot!"
So the dentist says, "Okay, we'll have to go with the gas."
The guy replies, "Absolutely not. It makes me very sick for a couple of days. I'm not having gas."
So the dentist steps out and comes back with a glass of water, "Here,"he says. "Take this pill."
The guy asks, "What is it?"
The doc replies, "Viagra." The guy looks surprised and asks, "Will that kill the pain?"
"No," replies the dentist, "but it will give you something to hold on to while I pull the tooth."
Step one: attach balloons to roll bar.
Step two: drive like crazy.
Step three: when the cop pulls you over claim that you thought that they were real.
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