Posted on 07/22/2005 7:05:44 AM PDT by TheBigB
Pingizzle!! : )
I'm feeling silly!
WOO HOO!!!!! It's Friday!
Morning "B", Happy Friday.
Word.
Hi Dumplin!
Happy to be here...
Will ya come to my Cyberparty on Tuesday??
Woo hoo! IN early!
The Blonde Year in Review
January?Took her new scarf back to the store because it was too tight.
February?Ordered new drapes for her computer because it had windows.
March?Got excited when she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months because
the box said "2-4 years."
April?Was trapped on an escalator for hours when the power went out.
May?Couldn't make Kool-Aid because 8 cups of water wouldn't fit into
the little packet.
June?Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with
a slope
July?After losing in a breast stroke swimming competition, complained
to the judges that the other swimmers were using their arms.
August?Told her blonde friend to hurry when trying to get into their
locked car using a coat hanger because it was starting to rain and the
top was down.
September?When asked what the capital of California was: answered "C."
October?Hates M &M's because they are so hard to peel.
November?Baked a turkey for 4 days because the instruc-tions said 1
hour per pound and she weighed 120.
December?Couldn't call 911 because there was no "11" on any phone
button.
good morning!
You may not always agree with what he says, but George Carlin does sometimes give you things to stop and think about:
COWS
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our Government can track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where
she sleeps in the state of Washington, and they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens, from dozens of countries, wandering around our country. Maybe we should give
them all a cow.
THE CONSTITUTION ---
They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it's worked for over 200 years, and we're not using it anymore.
THE TEN COMMANDMENTS ---
The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a Courthouse? You cannot post "Thou Shalt Not Steal," "Thou Shalt Not Commit
Adultery", and "Thou Shall Not Lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians! It creates a hostile work environment!
And last but not least . . . . .
George Carlin said it best about Martha Stewart: "Boy, I feel a lot safer now that she's behind bars. O.J. Simpson and Kobe Bryant are still walking
around; Osama bin Laden too, but they take the one woman in America willing to cook, clean, and work in the yard, and haul her ass off to jail!"
If God Where A Woman
If God Where A Woman...
1. Sex would smell like chocolate
2. Farts would smell like roses
3. Dogs would smell spring fresh
4. Babies would come from vending machines
5. Men would be born with a permanent erection
6. All women would have the same size breasts
7. There would be no cellulite
8. Every food on the planet would be FAT FREE
9. Men would be born with an "OFF" switch
10. There would be no "Tittie Bars".... Male Revue would continue
11. Every man's paycheck would be made payable to his wife
12. All menstrual cycles would be replaced with a 5-8 day vacation in Hawaii
13. Men would inherit the menstrual cycle
14. Men would come with software to be custom designed
15. Men would come equipped with homing device for quick location by wife
16. Men would have built in lie detector on forehead for instant verification of truth
17. Men would be intelligent enough to tell the difference between 7" and 3"
18. Sex would last longer than 30 seconds
19. Foreplay would not be a quick slap on the fanny and a kiss on the cheek
20. Viagra becomes an over the counter drug.
Hidey Ho B!!!!!
LOL on that skit. I LOVE Walken...and Meadows. :-)
Christopher Walken is up there in my top five faves.
Dang, dead. DANG.
Cyberparty? Sure; gimme details! : )
George Carlin is hysterical.
G'mornin' B!
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.