Posted on 06/23/2005 9:30:33 AM PDT by Millee
I knew I liked Brandon the moment I met him.
He's smart, stylish and warm. At a reception I attended Friday, he showered me with compliments and took me by the hand to introduce me to everyone he knew.
He made me feel special. It made me wish more men were like him.
A half-hour later, several female friends joined me at the reception, and within minutes they were surrounded by gregarious, good-looking men they had just met, laughing as if they'd known them for years.
The caveat: All the men were gay.It was a mixer for gay and lesbian journalists at the National Association of Hispanic Journalists convention in Fort Worth. I helped found the caucus for our gay members and went to introduce myself.
I assumed that my friends - four straight women - wouldn't want to go, but they wanted to support me. Turned out, we had a fabulous time.
As soon as we left, my friend Mónica blurted, "I just love gay men!"
"Aren't they great?" Marisol replied, speaking on behalf of every woman I know.
The rest of us - Jenny, Regina and I - counted the reasons we love gay men: They're funny, affectionate, creative, look good and know how to treat a woman.
OK, maybe not all gay men are. There are certainly misanthropic slobs among them, but they're not the gay men we were talking about.
The ones we idealize are the gay men we wish straight men would emulate.
It made me think: There's a lot straight men can learn from gay men.
It's not just "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" lessons on fashion and cooking. Many gay men can connect with women on a deeper emotional level than most straight men.
They're not concerned with appearing resilient or independent. They tend to be more open than most straight men, even if it means revealing vulnerabilities. That makes them more human to us.
Decades ago, men fell into two categories: straight and gay. Straight men drank beer from a can and never wore sorbet-colored shirts. Closeted men who could get away with the charade fit into that category as well. Gay men, who were out, were obvious.
The paradigm was rigid. Hetero men feared being labeled gay if they dressed nattily or cried.
Shifts in society have helped prod men to get in touch with their feminine side. Men no longer bear the burden of being the sole breadwinners of their family. Single daddies are no longer rare. Just like women now bring home the bacon, men have learned to fry it.
The fluidity of societal roles has spawned the creation of terms to try to define these evolved men: metrosexuals, straight man acting gay, gay vague, ambiguous orientation.
These terms, and their reliance on defining men by clinging to stereotypes of what makes a man, show we're still hung up on labels.
It's understandable considering when a woman checks out a guy who is dressed impeccably, she wants to know: Is he attainable?
That's less of an issue for me. I figure a man who's straight will define his interest by his actions.
The bigger issue, beyond helping men realize it's tacky to wear white socks with black slacks, is getting macho men to understand that opening up is good for them and their relationships.
Many people have bought into the notion that men are from Mars and women are from Venus, making us think men can't learn to be more nurturing and women can't stop being so probing.
And that's not true. Just like men are buying exfoliating cream and wearing orange-sherbet shirts and matching orange ties, they're also learning to open up.
It might take many more generations for men to open up as freely as women do, but I have no doubt it will happen.
In the meantime, women can always get their emotional fix from the next-best thing: gay men
I'll second that! Some guys that are too feminine (like Alan Alda), even when they aren't gay I think they're gay. Give me a real man anyday.
{Blushing} You may be right. : ) Although I'd stated before, the thought of being with a "sensitive" i.e. liberal man just gives me the willies. I imagine they would weep & apologize for having male urges. Eeeewwww
Haha! I have said many times here on FR that it's not difficult to be an appealing man to women. Actually, it's easier now than it has ever been because the contrast has never been so great and a more complete male presence is more rare.
Ultimately, a man can't be a 'gentle-man' until the woman has seen him be more rough. As you said, a man who apologizes for his masculinity is a sexual dud, and he should be. As long as a male undermines his masculine presence with weakness, women will pass him by. I don't blame the women for that at all.
Riiiight. And three weeks after you found him, you would dump him. He would be "boring", "clingy", and "not meeting your needs."
And there is a reason why. ;)
I've had ENOUGH!! OK, I have had it. I've taken all I can stand and I can't stand no more. Every time my TV is on, all that can be seen is effeminate men prancing about, redecorating houses and talking about foreign concepts like "style" and "feng shui.
" Heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, transsexual, metrosexual, non-sexual; blue, green, and purple-sexual - bogus definitions have taken over the urban and suburban world!
Real men of the world, stand up, scratch your butt, belch, and yell "ENOUGH!" I hereby announce the start of a new offensive in the culture Wars, the Retrosexual movement.
The Code :
A Retrosexual man, no matter what the women insists, PAYS FOR THE DATE.
A Retrosexual man opens doors for a lady. Even for the ones that fit that term only because they are female.
A Retrosexual DEALS with IT, be it a flat tire, break-in into your home, or a natural disaster, you DEAL WITH IT.
A Retrosexual not only eats red meat, he often kills it himself.
A Retrosexual doesn't worry about living to be 90. It's not how long you live, but how well. If you're 90 years old and still smoking cigars and drinking, I salute you.
A Retrosexual does not use more hair or skin products than a woman. Women have several supermarket aisles of stuff. Retrosexuals need an endcap (possibly 2 endcaps if you include shaving goods.)
A Retrosexual does not dress in clothes from Hot Topic when he's 30 years old.
A Retrosexual should know how to properly kill stuff (or people) if need be. This falls under the "Dealing with IT" portion of The Code.
A Retrosexual watches no TV show with "*****" in the title. Example..."***** Eye for the Straight Guy" *The censor took care of this 'un...
A Retrosexual does not let neighbors screw up rooms in his house on national TV.
A Retrosexual should not give up excessive amounts of manliness for women. Some is inevitable, but major reinvention of yourself will only lead to you becoming a froo-froo little puss, and in the long run, she ain't worth it.
A Retrosexual is allowed to seek professional help for major mental stress such as drug/alcohol addiction, death of your entire family in a freak treechipper accident, favorite sports team being moved to a different city, favorite bird dog expiring, etc. You are NOT allowed to see a shrink because Daddy didn't pay you enough attention. Daddy was busy DEALING WITH IT. When you screwed up, he DEALT with you.
A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in his wardrobe designed to conceal himself from prey.
A Retrosexual knows how to tie a Windsor knot when wearing a tie -- and ONLY a Windsor knot.
A Retrosexual should have at least one good wound he can brag about getting.
A Retrosexual knows how to use a basic set of tools. If you can't hammer a nail, or drill a straight hole, practice in secret until you can -- or be rightfully ridiculed for the wuss you be.
A Retrosexual knows that owning a gun is not a sign that your are riddled with fear, guns are TOOLS and are often essential to DEAL WITH IT. Plus it's just plain fun to shoot.
Crying. There are very few reason that a Retrosexual may cry, and none of them have to do with TV commercials, movies, or soap operas. Sports teams are sometimes a reason to cry, but the preferred method of release is cussing or throwing the remote control. Some reasons a Retrosexual can cry include (but are not limited to) death of a loved one, death of a pet (fish do NOT count as pets in this case), loss of a major body part.
When a Retrosexual is on a crowded bus and or a commuter train, and a pregnant woman, heck, any woman gets on, that Retrosexual stands up and offers his seat to that woman, then looks around at the other so-called men still in their seats with a disgusted "you punks" look on his face.
A Retrosexual knows how to say the Pledge properly, and with the correct emphasis and pronunciation. He also knows the words to the Star Spangled Banner
A Retrosexual will have hobbies and habits his wife and mother do not understand, but that are essential to his manliness, in that they offset the acceptable manliness decline he suffers when married/engaged or in a serious healthy relationship - i. e., hunting, boxing, shot putting, shooting, cigars, car maintenance.
A Retrosexual man can drive in snow (heck, a blizzard) without sliding all over or driving under 20mph, without anxiety, and without high-centering his ride in a snow bank.
A Retrosexual man can chop down a tree and make it land where he wants. Wherever it lands is where he darn well wanted it to land.
A Retrosexual will give up his seat on a bus to not only any women but any elderly person or person in military dress (except 2nd Lt's) NOTE: The person in military dress may turn down the offer but the Retrosexual man will ALWAYS make the offer to them and thank them for serving their country.
A Retrosexual man doesn't need a contract -- a handshake is good enough. He will always stand by his word even if circumstances change or the other person deceived him.
A Retrosexual man doesn't immediately look to sue someone when he does something stupid and hurts himself. We understand that sometimes in the process of doing things we get hurt and we just DEAL WITH IT !
Yeah baby!!! 3 cheers for the Retrosexual!!! I hope it catch's on!!
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.